


Star and Marcie and the Forces of Evil Part Two: Inevitable Rise, Inevitable Fall

by SageSilentfire



Series: Star and Marcie and the Forces of Evil [2]
Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:09:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 40,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27581819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SageSilentfire/pseuds/SageSilentfire
Summary: Book Two: Star and Marcie survived their encounter with Toffee unscathed, but the wand seems to be acting strange. Meanwhile, Ludo makes a discovery, but he’s not the only one to do so. There’s plenty of discoveries to go around.
Relationships: Star Butterfly & Marco Diaz
Series: Star and Marcie and the Forces of Evil [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1770172
Comments: 7
Kudos: 10





	1. My New Wand!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys found this okay! I'll be putting a link to it in Part One, and one on my tumblr. 
> 
> Anyways, this is part two. It encompasses all of Toffee's plan from the start of season one to Battle for Mewni. And some things besides, like ghosts, mountains, and what even is the Forces of Evil, anyways?

Buffering... Buffering... and go! The webcam was covered in steam. 

"Guess who?!" Star wiped off the webcam. "It's me! Obviously, since you're watching my channel. So, I have a ton of exciting news for you! Well, first Marcie got kidnapped, and I blew up a bunch of stuff, including my wand. And I was super bummed, because I thought I would never do magic again, but then I got a new wand! See?" Star held up her wand. "Oh, yeah, and Marcie's okay. Say hi, Marcie!"

Marcie, who was wrapped in a towel from the shower, squawked and covered the webcam, and then closed the computer. The livestream was over, many people (*cough* Starfan13 *cough*) were disappointed.

"Oh, come on Marcie! What about my fans?"

"I don't want the computer to watch me shower." Marcie crossed her arms over her towel.

Star put down her wand angrily. "Hmph," was all she thought to say.

Star's wand took advantage of her putting it down to start levitating and bouncing around the room.

"What's up with your wand?" Marcie wondered.

"Dunno," Star said, shrugging. As if sensing her dismissive tone, the wand started bouncing around faster and faster, knocking the bathroom door open and zooming out into the wider house. Star and Marcie followed it.

"It's going downstairs! Not my parents, stupid wand!" Marcie blocked the wand It bounced away from Marcie and towards Star. 

Star ducked. "I almost died." They raced after the wand as it bounced into Star's room.

Once in Star's room, the wand zoomed into the Magic Book of Spells and then knocked into Marcie, sending all six parties careening into Star's secrets closet. The closet door slammed shut.

"I'll get you out of there, Marcie!" Star shouted, reaching for the doorknob.

"Okay, hold on, my towel was knocked off by that weird book. I'm not decent."

"Oh, okay."

Marcie put some clothes that were thankfully in the closet and hopefully not too magically dangerous.

"Alright, I'm coming out... wait a minute, it's locked. I can't open it."

"What?" Star pulled on the door with both hands.

"Try the knob!"

"What do you think I'm doing?"

The laser puppies wandered into Star's room. "Not now, sweeties," Star grunted, pulling hard. "I usually open this door with my wand."

"Well, your book ate it, so..."

"Better not be poking around in there. It's my secrets closet, it's private."

"Just get me out of here. I've already been in the closet, I don't want to stay here."

Star continued to struggle to open the door. And then Glossaryck, ugh, oozed under the door in the form of a puddle. "Hey Star. Stop screaming, it's just me. What are you doing?"

Star stopped screaming. "Uh, hey Glossaryck. My wand's locked in the closet."

"Hey, what about me?" 

"Oh, yeah, Marcie's locked in there too. And my spellbook. Basically all my stuff. I want my stuff."

"Did you try the knob?"

"Yes, I tried the knob. Why is everyone asking that? I'm not  _ that _ scatterbrained." Star swung at the door with a large sword, smashing at the panels. "Anything?"

"Nope, still locked. Nothing's gonna break that door down, it was made by you to hold all of your secrets. Get one of those on Butterfly Castle, and we wouldn't have to have guards."

Star thoroughly ignored him, good for her, and kept smashing at the door with the sword.

Glossaryck melted into a puddle again and oozed back into the secrets closet.

"What's going on?" Marcie asked. "Is this some kind of training thing or something?"

"Is this some kind of training thing? Are you mad? Is this wolf-babob rock bandage ba ba ba ba ba ba?"

So helpful, that Glossaryck.

Marcie sighed. "Stop, stop. Stop it! Just tell me how to get out of here!"

"Okay, I'll tell you what to do. Are you listening?"

Marcie sighed again. Glossaryck has that effect on people, including me. "Yes, I'm listening."

"To reach the chunks in the hobo stew, find her secret. That's the clue."

"So, if I find her secret, the door will just magically open?"

"Goodbye!" Glossaryck oozed under the door again.

"Find her secret, huh? What secret? This closet's full of them. Here we go..."

Star stabbed through the panels in the door, narrowly missing Marcie.

"Why don't you do the easy thing and open the door with magic?" Glossaryck commented. Shut up, Glossaryck.

"Can't. My wand's in the closet."

Glossaryck gasped. "Do you wanna try the hard way?"

"Yeah! What's the hard way?"

"You've never heard of the hard way?"

"Nope! Sounds hard, though."

"Oh, it is. But I can teach you!"

"Teach me!"

"The lesson begins inside my eyeball." Glossaryck opened up his eye and enveloped Star within it. 

"Whoa!" Star looked around. She and Glossaryck were sitting around a giant pot of stew.

"Imagine the universe is this cauldron, and magic is the bubbly stew inside of it, and your wand is the spoon." Glossaryck held up a spoon.

"My wand isn't a spoon, it's a wand."

"It's a metaphor, Star."

"No, it's a wand."

Glossaryck sighed. "Okay, it's a wand." It was.

Star clapped. "Now you get it!"

"Now, the wand can only skim the surface of the hobo gravy, watery and brown. But if you want to get to the chunks, you have to dip down." Glossaryck extended his paws into the hobo gravy and lifted up some chunks from the bottom. "Get it?"

Star nodded, then shook her head. "Uh-uh."

They were suddenly ejected from Glossaryck's eye. "Look, you can do magic without your wand, you just have to dip down, you know. Dip down!"

"Without my wand?"

"Your mom did it."

"Psh, if she can do it, I can do it. Okay, I've just gotta dip down." Star held up a laser puppy and aimed it at the door.

"Hot laser!" Glossaryck shouted, holding up his paw. It had a laser hole in it.

"I am so sorry. Glossaryck, are you okay?"

Glossaryck shrugged. "Star, try dipping downer. For the chunks!"

Glossaryck turned long, thin, and snakelike and slithered through the closet keyhole. He then opened up the book, causing Marcie to trip over it. "Ow!"

"Ah, Marcie! How goes things?"

"Oh, you know! Just trying to find a secret in a closet full of secrets!"

"Yes, well, you know I do this because I love you."

"That's... a little weird."

Glossaryck flipped pages until he found the wand. "Ha, ha, I guess it is. Now, if you don't mind, I've got work to do."

"Yeah," Marcie opened a box. "So do I."

The box contained a strange, deformed-looking fish. "Help... me...!" it shouted. Marcie shuddered and tossed the box away.

Glossaryck let out a "hmm..." and looked at the wand.

Star sat outside the closet, holding a laser puppy. The laser puppy didn't do much, it just panted. "You ever dipped down, Sajak?"

More panting.

"Yeah, me either."

Inside the closet, Marcie gathered herself and looked around. Marcie had seen many different messes (Mewni, for instance), but this really took the cake. Metric craptons of junk covered every available surface and crawled up the walls. "What a mess. It's time to get organized."

Marcie made two signs. "Not secrets" and "Secrets?" and started sorting the mess in the closet. This would take forever. She knew Star's tower was bigger on the inside, but the secrets closet really took the cake. "No... not a secret... maybe?" She sighed and wiped her hair from her eyes.

Glossaryck studied his reflection in the wand crystal. On the gold half, it looked normal, but on the black part it was darker than usual, with glowing green eyes. "Hmm..." Glossaryck muttered. I'm tired of his hmming. It's annoying.

Star, meanwhile, threw an aquarium at the closet door. It didn't do anything.

Glossaryck sniffed the wand repeatedly, and deeply. It was incredibly awkward for anyone watching him. Maybe the wand smelled really good or something. "Hmm..."

"Dip down," Star fell face-first onto the bed. "Dip down... hmm... Oh!" She pulled something from underneath the bed: a box labeled "Mewnian Termites."

Marcie found a unicycle. "Nope."

Star released the Mewnian Termites through the slots of the closet door, but they didn't do anything to the door, just going into the closet and instead biting Marcie.

Marcie screamed.

"Well that didn't work..." Star muttered, thinking.

"Stop eating my flesh!"

Glossaryck got a new perspective, turning upside-down in the air to look at the wand. "Hmm... hmm... hmm hmm..."

Star sighed and turned on her mirror. "Call Mom."

"Star?"

"Hi, Mom..."

"What did you do?"

"Oh... uh, why would you, uh... why would you think that? Uhm, Marcie's locked in my closet and Glossaryck wants me to dip down to get him out."

"Dip down? I didn't learn that until I was nineteen..."

"Wow, so I'm, like, advanced?" Star chuckled.

"I suppose."

"Anywho, Glossaryck didn't really give me any instructions, so..."

"Hah, that sounds familiar. Well, it's not easy. If you want to dip down, you have to summon everything you have."

"Everything? Oh, everything." Star rubbed her hands together. "Everything..."

"Star, you do know what I mean by 'everything', right?"

"Yeah, totally, totally." Star ended the call. 

Marcie looked back at her work, two piles of junk. "Okay, I think that's everything."

Star loaded every item in her room and quite a few that were strewn around the Diaz's house into a giant catapult. She tied the catapult's rope down, and then grabbed a sword. "You want everything? Then everything you shall get!"

"Marcie Diaz, making progress," Marcie brushed dirt off her hands. 

Star cut the rope, and chaos promptly ensued. Everything she had hit the door, shaking the entire house. Marcie's carefully sorted piles disintegrated onto her, several items caught fire, and Star had to duck as magical weapons sprayed everywhere.

Glossaryck checked under the hood of the wand. The millhorse was running on the treadmill, definitely, but he was running on two legs, not the usual four. And when he looked at Glossaryck, he had glowing green eyes and sharp, spearlike teeth. He screamed, and Glossaryck closed the hood. "Okay, that's not good."

Star laid at the entrance of the closet. "Well, Marcie, looks like I'm just a skimmer. Skimmin' the surface of the hobo gravy. The watery hobo gravy. How goes things with you?"

Marcie was lying in a similar position to Star, on her back with the door behind her head. "Not great. Actually, you thwarted my progress."

Star sighed. "I guess it's not so bad. I could slide you sandwiches under the door, bring you your homework. Life could be good for you."

"I don't wanna live in your secrets closet! I told you, I've been in the closet before and it sucked! Whoa!"

"What is it, Marcie?"

"The book is glowing! Hold on," Marcie grabbed the book just as Glossaryck popped out. Marcie dropped the book and grabbed Glossaryck. "Alright, no more riddles, little man. Tell me what I'm supposed to be looking for!" Marcie poked Glossaryck and the crystal in his head glowed like a flashlight. Marcie yelped and covered her eyes. A book fell from the shelf beside her. "Oh, so this is the thing."

"Bingo," Glossaryck said. Marcie used him as a flashlight. 

"Star, I found the thing. It's a little book."

"That's good. Reading will keep the mind sharp. Like a horn."

"It's in Mewnian writing. Oh, wait, here's some English. 'Chapter One: Mom's a Poophead."

"'Mom's a Poophead'...? Oh, Marcie, no no no no!"

"Hang on, Star. Just give me a sec."

"No, Marcie, that's not the thing! That's not the thing!"

"Skipping forward..."

"Marcie, put that down!"

"'Today was my tenth birthday. I put noxie frogs in all the servant's beds... hey!" Glossaryck's light had gone out. 

"I'm out of juice. Dip doooown!" He did an, admittedly, excellent swan dive into the book. Marcie held the book up to the slats in the door to continue reading.

Star banged on the closet door. "Marcie, it's not the thing! It's not the thing!"

"Chapter Eleven. My thoughts on... Marcie?"

Star gasped. She was filled with magical energy. Her cheekmarks and eyes glowed. She lifted an arm, and a ghostly key unlocked the door.

Marcie fell over from where she was leaning on the door, still reading. Star ran up to her and hugged her. "I did it! I dipped! I'm not a skimmer, I'm a dipper!" Star then snatched the diary – we know it's a diary by now, right? Good. – out of Marcie's hands and smacked her with it. "And don't read my diary, nosypants!"

"Ow," Marcie said, belatedly.

The spellbook rolled out of the closet and opened to reveal Glossaryck and the magic wand. "Well, this thing's broken. But go ahead and give it a whirl."

Star tried to summon some narwhals, but instead she made a miniature tower next to the old one, and covered her room in green jelly.

"Uh..."

"I'm going to put on some clothes that actually fit me," Marcie said, wiping some of the slime off.

"Uh..."

"I call dibs on the new tower! I'm the only one who can fit in it, after all."

"UH...!"

_ My wand may be back, but it's all messed up! I keep trying normal spells, and they keep coming out weird. It's weird. I don't know what to do! _


	2. Ludo in the Wild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ludo adventures in the wild.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, because the thing about Ludo in the Wild is that it doesn't have a lot of dialogue or things I can easily write a chapter about – it was mostly long visual gags and visual storytelling, which I can't hope to recapture in print. And while I /could/ spend all my time writing about the scenery or something, that's not really my style.

_ Ludo in the Wild: Day One _

Ludo's castle was gone. The wand was gone. Everything in his life was gone. Everything in his life was mostly the two above things. And now Star had thrown him into the void, and he was adrift in space alone and almost naked, with only a loincloth to cover him.

"Adrift in the universe that is constantly expanding. Towards nothing, away from nothing. A passage of time marked by age. Marked by hunger of the spirit..." Wow, Ludo, this is almost philosophy! You're better than Aristotle, definitely. 

"And hunger of the body. I'm so hungry." There we go. That's the Ludo we know. "And I'm alone... infinitely –" at that point, Ludo passed by a bag of Gold'n Crispz (Crispy and Golden!) Chips. Part of him wanted to ignore the chips and keep on moping, but it was a small, battered part, constantly bruised by Ludo's tendency to rush headlong after things that he wanted.

So, in short, he started awkwardly scooting through space after the chips. "Chips! Come back! Food!" They drifted away much faster than he could scoot. "Chips... aww, come back!"

Then, because his day wasn't already bad enough, a flaming green meteor-thing hit him. It didn't hurt, so Ludo had to wonder if it was even a flaming meteor like he had guessed and like it looked... but what else could it be?

The meteor sent him flying, flailing and screaming all the way, into a familiar dark puke-green portal and then, through the portal, into a pile of leaves in a forest. He got up and groaned. "Where am I?" he wondered.

And then it started to rain!

Ludo got up and started running. "Ow, dirt in my eye, in my face! The sky is throwing water at my face! Aurgh, what is this?!" Ludo didn't get out of his castle much.

Ludo slid down a hill. The Gold'n Crispz Chips slid down with him. "Chips! Gimme! Please!"

Ludo crashed into a tree, and the tree crashed into a puddle. Ludo washed ashore, gasping and moaning, his stomach rumbling. He got up, and saw a fish jump out of the water. Ludo ran to it, but it was long gone by the time he stumbled over. "Sushi! Sushi, come back! I want my sushi!"

In a tree, an eagle was regurgitating food to its hatchlings. Ludo climbed up the tree, knocking out a hatchling. "Excuse me, brother. I want food." He opened his beak, but food didn't come in. "Lunch over?"

The bird grabbed Ludo, flew him high up in the sky, and dropped him. "You never loved me!" Ludo screamed on his way down.

If the bird could speak, it would probably say something like "Of course I never loved you, you were in my life for, like, half a second and all of that half-second sucked just because I was near you." In fact, that was something a lot of people could say about Ludo.

Ludo fell and hit the muddy slope once again. "Not this again, whoa...!"

He fell in the puddle again, and once again washed ashore. A hatchling in the nest above him let out an alarm call, and the mother bird carried Ludo into the sky once again.

"Not again!" Ludo shrieked, flailing his arms. "Please don't let me go!"

The eagle let Ludo go.

Ludo fell down, down again, this time falling on a spider web outside a cave. He struggled to get free of the web, but failed.

A trapped fly monster, no relation to Boo Fly, trapped next to him just sighed. "Don't fight it, bro. You're stuck. Just let it happen."

Ludo ignored him, continuing to struggle.

Then it started to snow. Did you know that the northern parts of Mewni can get snow? No reason, just saying it.

Ludo shrieked and twitched away from the snow. "Get away, ugh! Stupid white wet flakes!"

After the snow stopped falling, which felt like an age to the trapped Ludo, a spider appeared from inside the cave. Ludo didn't know which was worse: the spider or the snow.

The spider came up to Ludo and bit him. Ludo shrieked and struggled. Then the spider... made a "pleh" noise and wiped off its pincers.

The fly monster laughed. "Ha ha, you taste terrible." Silence. "Never mind, I'll shut up."

The spider cut Ludo out of the web and he fell down... about three feet. Nowhere near as bad as it could've been.

The spider turned to the fly and started eating.

"Oh, that's horrible," Ludo said non-committedly. He hadn't been terribly attached to the fly monster. Then a piece of the fly fell from the web and into Ludo's mouth. "Hmm, that's pretty good." Anything would taste good to the starving Ludo. 

"More, please! More, more, more!" Ludo grabbed any pieces that fell from the web, but eventually the spider got tired of him, knocking him away and into a tree.

His stomach continued to rumble.

_ Day Thirty-Seven _

Ludo woke up. He now sported a long gray beard. "Wow, how long was I out for?" he asked no one in particular.

The spider jumped over him, stomach also rumbling. It walked through the snow, struggling to keep from sinking into it, what with its pointed legs. 

Ludo followed it. Nothing else to do.

He also struggled to wade through the deep snow, but he followed nonetheless. He followed the spider to a log suspended over a cliff, and watched as it attached a strand of web to the log and jumped down to... whatever was at the bottom of the cliff, it was obscured by fog. Ludo, determined to follow the spider, grabbed one of the spiders previous threads – the log was covered in them – and jumped down, eventually crashing into... ice?

There was a river at the bottom of the cliff. Interesting.

The spider cut a neat hole in the ice with its sharp legs and cast a silk net into the river, and then dragged out a bundle of fish.

Ludo's belly growled. He used his beak to cut a lopsided hole in the ice, then stuck his beard in the river. A singular tiny fish bit his beard and he pulled it up. Hey, better than a lot of people can do with just a beard to work with. "He, hehe! Gotcha!"

The spider then had to ruin his fun, grabbing the fish from Ludo and eating half of it, tossing the other half away. Ludo grabbed it and ate it. His hunger was not sated by this meager food.

Ludo followed the spider as it carried its net of fish back to the web. He tried to follow it into the cave, but the spider pushed him out. Ludo made a blanket of snow and harrumphed. "Selfish."

Snow fell from an overloaded branch. Ludo watched it fall... right beside a bag of Gold'n Crisp Chips. Ludo raced to the chips. "No, no no, yes, yes, yes!"

Right before his hands touched the bag, the spider came from above and grabbed the chips. 

"My chips, my chips!"

The spider just shrieked back and retreated into the cave with the chips. Ludo screamed in frustration, and then growled. "Big mistake."

* * *

Ludo ripped off a piece of spiderweb, and then walked into the cave. Inside, the spider opened up the bag of chips. Wrapped in the silk, Ludo snuck up on the spider and jumped at it, kicking wildly. "AAAHH! Come and get me!" He retreated onto a large web.

The spider wrapped the chips in its silk, and then followed Ludo onto the web.

The spider shrieked, a grating and high pitched noise. Ludo shrieked back.

Ludo retreated off the web, and the spider pinned him down. He grabbed dirt and small bugs from the ground and threw it in the spider's eyes. "Hah! I know how bad having dirt in your eyes can be! And this does not inspire empathy in me whatsoever!"

Ludo took advantage of the spider's blindness to go back to the web. The spider followed him and started stabbing its sharp legs at him, severing bits of the web but failing to catch Ludo, who was using his small size to his advantage. But it didn't work forever, and the spider caught him with its web and stuck him to the ceiling. 

Ludo grinned. "Look out below!"

The web collapsed, and the spider with it. Ludo dropped onto the spider's back. "I win! And to the victor, the spoils." He aimed the spider's abdomen towards the chip bag and squeezed, making silk come out and attach to the bag. He then reeled in the thread and grabbed the bag. He opened the bag and started devouring the chips. Some crumbs fell on the ground, and the spider moved to eat them. "Hmm?"

Ludo looked at the spider. 

He tossed a chip in front of him, and the spider moved to eat it. He kept tossing bits of chip towards the front of the cave, riding the spider out of the cave. "He he he, go get that chip!"

_ Day Sixty-Five _

Ludo and the spider walked over to the cliff, Ludo riding the spider, and directing it with reins made out of the spider's own silk.

They came down the cliff together, Ludo still on the spider's back. Ludo directed the spider to fish, cutting the ice and casting a net. "Oh, yeah, keep it coming. There, that's enough."

Ludo grabbed a fish from the pile. The spider tried to take it from him, but Ludo swatted it away. "You'll get the scraps later."

The eagle – you know, the one from before – flew above the trees. Ludo looked at the spider. "It's time."

The eagle was having a rather boring day. Get some food for the hatchlings, eat it, fly back to the nest, throw it up for the little ones, repeat. It was boring. Not that the bird understood the concept of "boring", but whatever. It was a boring day.

Then it passed Ludo and the spider, clinging to the top of a tree. It turned around to look at the pair.

"Hi." Ludo said, and the spider threw a web.

The bird’s day got a whole lot more interesting.

_ Day Ninety _

Ludo was with the spider and the bird, sitting around the fire. "Nature is a cruel mother and favors the merciless." Actually, not true. Nature isn't that mean. "And so, Ludo in the wild must find the wild in Ludo." Sometimes you just act like a jerk, so others act like a jerk too, Ludo.

Ludo was content. He had found peace in the wild, and lived a good, well-fed life. He was happy. This life was more than fulfilling, he didn't think he'd go back to his old life for the wor –

"Hey, Ludo," said Star, standing by the fire and  _ holding her wand. _

"Uh... hi," was the first thing that came to Ludo's mind.

Star turned and ran away.

Ludo should have turned away in return. He should have ignored her. He should have at least realized that Star had a weird green aura, and that the spider and the bird hadn't even reacted to her presence, and maybe something was off about that.

But Ludo had never been good at holding himself back from what he wanted. He got up and started running after her, screaming "Get the wand!" at the top of his lungs.

"It will be mine! It will be mine!" Ludo whistled. "Arachnid!" The spider came and picked him up, placing him on its back. "Bird!" The bird grabbed the spider and catapulted the three of them into the air.

They were homing in. They flew through the air... right onto Star. But just as they were about to connect, Star disappeared.

"What? Where'd she go? Cruel vision!" Ludo banged his hands on the ground in frustration. In doing that, he noticed a green glow from beneath the snow.

He dug and dug and dug and found... a wand. It was a rock with half of a star embedded in it, all held by a skeletal hand with a missing finger.

He held the wand up. Marks appeared on his cheeks, in the shape of bat wings. He looked up, seeing a very familiar castle in the distance. "I'm on... Mewni?"

~~_ Day Ninety _ ~~

_ Day One _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And next is:
> 
> Star and Tom: Marcie has difficulties being friends with both Star and Tom, as Star dislikes being anywhere near Tom.
> 
> Star Does Karate: Star comes along to Marcie's karate demonstration.


	3. Star and Tom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marcie has difficulties being friends with both Star and Tom, as Star dislikes being anywhere near Tom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this is late, my calendar didn't work.

"Star? Star?" Marcie shook Star awake. "Remember, we're gonna go on the roof to see the meteor shower! Come on, Star, wake up!"

Star groaned awake. "Why did I agree to this...?"

"Well, it's not a school night, so you can sleep in as long as you want, right?"

Star sighed. "Okay. Let's go see that meteor shower. Great, wonderful. Let's go."

The two got up and made their way to the roof. Before they got there, Marcie stopped Star. "Uh, before you get there, you should know that I invited someone else to watch the meteor shower."

"Who?"

"Well..." Marcie opened the window to the roof. Sitting on the roof was... Tom.

"Tom?! I'm going back to bed."

"Wait, wait, Star! This is a really cool meteor shower, and I wanted all my friends to see it. Well, the ones that could come. Shinjai was busy. Please stay?"

Star sighed. "Fine, I guess. But I'm not talking to him."

Marcie also sighed. "Fine. Let's go watch the meteor shower."

The pair got up and onto the roof. Tom looked down from the sky and at them. "Oh, hey, Marcie. Hi... Star."

Star just humphed and looked away from Tom. "Let's just watch this thing."

They did so. "It's a beautiful meteor shower," Star said, crossing her arms. "Unlike someone, it's nice to look at."

Tom looked away.

"Star! That was uncalled for!" Marcie near-shouted at Star. "Apologize!"

"Whatever," Star muttered. "I'm going back to bed." She stalked back to her room, pausing to squeeze in the window.

"Star!"

"It's okay, dude," Tom said. "I get it, she doesn't want to be around me."

Marcie sighed. "Yeah, but she doesn't have to be like that. She's being awful on purpose and it drives me up the wall."

"It doesn't matter, dude. It's okay if she doesn't want anything to do with me."

"Yeah, but... she doesn't have to be so awful about it."

"I think she does. She needs to be mean to me, or I'll get too close to her. And she doesn't want that."

"Yeah, but why not? You're a great guy! You're super nice."

"Yeah, but I wasn't always. Time was, I flew off the handle at every little thing, and I would never smile, and I hated to do anything Star liked. I'm not sure why she put up with me. I'm pretty sure she shouldn't have."

"But she didn't. You broke up."

Tom sighed. "Yeah, we did. And it was my fault, too. I got angry with her once again, and she stood her ground, and we fought. It was awful."

"But you've changed."

"Yeah, but have I? Sure, I go to therapy, but... we're lucky you haven't done anything to make me angry. Otherwise you'd probably re-think our friendship permanently."

Marcie sighed, and smiled. "Dude, I think we're too far as friends to back out now. I get that you have anger problems, but so do I. I argue with Star too. Fights are part of any relationship."

"But... do you set things on fire when you get upset?"

"No. But remember? We fought over the remote when we first met, not to mention that we argued badly, and you didn't set things on fire then. I think you're really improving."

"Huh, you're right, I didn't. But the remote argument was only a little one, and I was more sad than angry –"

"You said you flew off the handle every time there was a mild inconvenience, so I think you've improved. We just need to make Star see that."

"Yeah, but... how?"

Marcie rubbed her hands together, like everyone's vision of a stereotypical plotter. "Hmm..."

* * *

The next morning, Star stretched and yawned and blinked her eyes open. "Huh... something looks different. Is my stuff... organized?"

"Surprise!" Tom and Marcie, both sporting aprons and feather dusters, were in her room.

"Were you watching me sleep?! Get out! Get out!"

* * *

"Okay, that didn't work. Next plan."

Tom snapped his fingers. "I know, I'll bake her some Patent Pending Tom Lucitor's Extra Spicy Pancakes!"

"Will she like those? I've baked her spicy things before and she didn't like them."

"She always liked it when I made them for her."

"...Okay, let's do this."

* * *

Star rode the bannister downstairs, sliding to the bottom. "Hey, Marcie! Hi, Tom! Wait, Tom?"

"Hi, Star," Tom said, grinning awkwardly. "We made you breakfast!" He showed a plate of Patent Pending Tom Lucitor's Extra Spicy Pancakes!

"You know I hate spicy things, right?"

"Know that? No I did not. Oops, uh, sorry."

"Yeah, I bet you are. I only pretended to like them when we were together! Because I thought you would fly off the handle if I didn't like them!"

Tom sighed. "Man, I really made a mess of things, didn't I."

"Oh, you bet you did! You're as blind as a narbat, and you'll never change."

"Oh, but I can change! I can just use my powers to eliminate all the spice from the batter –"

"I don't want to hear it! I'm not hungry, anyways!" Star stomped off to her room. She was hungry, but she wanted to make a point.

Tom sighed. "I don't know what to do. She just doesn't want to forgive me. I guess that's reasonable."

Marcie shook her head. She also ate a pancake. She liked spicy things just fine. "We're not giving up just yet."

"Yeah, well, what are we going to do?"

"Not to worry. I have a seedy escape room to call."

"What's a seedy escape room?"

"Just you wait. I'll tell you soon."

* * *

"Hope you guys have fun!" Mr. Diaz said, dropping off Marcie and Star. Tom could easily teleport to the site using his flames. And this way, Star wouldn't know her ex-boyfriend was there until it was too late.

"Let's go in!" Star, at least, seemed excited. She didn't know what an escape room was, but "it sounds like one of those things from the action movies you and I watch! Pew pew!"

Marcie followed Star in, but she couldn't help feeling... apprehensive. This place was definitely seedy, as there were suspicious stains everywhere and the front desk was more of a front cardboard box.

"It looks great!" Star said. Of course.

"Oh, you're here," a bald man in a wrinkled suit said, stepping out from a door at the side of the room. "Time for you to escape! Please leave your magic wand by the door. Yes, your friend told me about the magic wand. Now, come in, come in. Your other friend is already inside."

"Other friend?" Star asked, putting her wand down. Marcie shook her head from behind Star, making gestures that she hoped communicated  _ stop  _ and  _ he's her ex-boyfriend. It's a long story, but she really shouldn't know that he's there. _

The bald man ignored Marcie. "You know, the demon guy with the obviously fake horns? He's in there. I believe his name was Bomb, or maybe..."

"Tom?! Marcie, what were you thinking? I can't do an escape room thingy with Tom! He's my ex-boyfriend!"

Marcie sighed. "Star, you'll thank me for this later, preferably when you become friends with Tom again." She opened the escape room door, pushed Star inside, and slammed the door closed. "Alright, now to just watch them become friends again. Man, I'm a genius."

* * *

Star stared at Tom. "Did Marcie really just do that?" Tom asked.

"You mean throw me in here and slam the door? I sure think she did. Boy, she's getting on my dirt list."

Star turned around and turned the door handle. "Let me out!"

"It's not going to let you out. That's the purpose of an escape room: you get locked in and you have to solve puzzles to get out. Marcie explained it to me."

Star growled, and turned the door handle again, over and over. "I don't want to be locked in a room with you! I don't want to escape a room with you! I don't want anything to do with you! You're awful!"

Tom sighed. "Star, am I really that awful?"

"Yes!"

"Okay, maybe I deserved that. But I've really been trying hard to change, and we don't have to go back to the way it was before, with me walking all over you! We don't have to be partners again, I just want us to be friends. It would be nice if you would just consider my side for –"

"Can't talk now, looking for the key out of here. But you're still awful."

"Really?"

"Yes, really! Now stop bugging me! I'm busy, here!"

Tom took a deep breath. In, out. Then he got... angry. "I'm trying so hard to be a better person. And at first, it was all for you. And that worked, for a while. But I'm done with that. I should be a better person for Marcie, and my parents, and  _ me _ . I want to be a better person for me. 

"And if you're not a part of that, that's okay. Let's just get out of here and maybe we'll never see each other again. And that'll be fine."

Star sighed. "No, I... I do care about you. I try to act like I don't, because I don't want you to hurt me again."

Tom turned around. "Star... I can't promise I won't do something stupid and hurt you again. But I can promise that I care, and that you deserve the world. I can promise that I'll try not to hurt you ever again."

Star fiddled with her hair. "I don't want to hurt you, either... I guess I was just... defending myself, I guess. I'm sorry I was a big doodoo-head."

"I'm sorry I was a big doodoo-head, too." Tom opened his arms for a hug, and Star accepted. "I love you Star."

"Like a friend?"

"Is that so bad?"

"No, that's... that's what I was looking for, actually."

A crash and a thud were heard from outside.

"Uh.... what was that?"

"We have to get out of here!" Star looked around on her hands and knees for the key.

Tom just burned away at the wooden door, until the lock fell out.

"Oh, that works too." Star got up. "You're a pretty handy dude to have around, huh?"

Tom grinned. "A compliment! Nice! Now, watch it around the door. It could be pretty hot from the fire, I have no idea because I have no frame of reference for these things. And it would stink to hurt you literally ten seconds after I promised to try to not hurt you anymore."

Star laughed, and walked out of the escape room and into the lobby, where Marcie was groaning on the floor. "He took your wand!"

"Oh no, he took my wand!" Star looked around frantically. "Where did he go? And, oh, Marcie, are you okay?"

"He only just ran off," Marcie pointed in the direction he ran off to. It was roughly to the right of the escape room building. "And, yeah, I'll be fine. He just took me by surprise, is all."

They ran out, and then Tom sent flame jetting from his feet, using it as propulsion to fly forwards. "Come on, let's go!" he shouted.

Star and Marcie followed Tom, running on foot into the street. No sign of the bald man.

Tom soared above the town. "He's that way!" he shouted, pointing. Star and Marcie chased after the bald man, with Tom flying down and blocking off his escape.

The bald man raised the wand threateningly. It transformed from Star's wand to a dark black and green wand with a green frog-shaped half of a crystal. "Ahahaha! Stay back! I'll cast some magic on you!"

Star and Marcie did stay back. They looked at each other with concern. But before they could do anything, a burst of fire singed the man's hand. He dropped the wand in surprise, and Star ran for it.

"Thanks Tom! Well, time to see who you really are." Star waved her wand, and the bald man's disguise fell away, revealing... "I have no idea who you are."

The small frogman with a mustache blinked up at them and croaked. "I was sent by Ludo to get your wand, but I got lost. Really lost. It was this whole story, that I'm sure the Narrator would love to tell, but it's not your story anymore."

Star sighed. "Figures. Even in the void, Ludo causes all of my problems. Even Tom isn't that bad." Ludo isn't in the void anymore, Star. Get with the program.

"Hey!" Tom said. "I thought we were cool!"

Star grinned. "We are. But I'm still not letting you get a big head."

Tom stuck out his tongue. It was forked.

Star stuck out her tongue. It was a normal Mewman tongue, so a little bit longer than a human's.

Marcie sighed. "Anyways, let's let this guy go. He's not going to tangle with us again, or we'll burn him more. Right, guys?"

"Right!"

And so, they let the frog man go. And as they were watching him frantically hop away, Marcie looked at Star and Tom and grinned. "You said you were cool... does that mean my plan worked?"

Star and Tom looked at Marcie. Just looked.

"Ahaha, right? My evil plan to get you guys to make up worked! Isn't that cool?"

Still staring.

"Okay, seriously, that's freaking me out. Please stop."

Tom cracked first. "Pfft, okay, dude. I'll stop. Yeah, your plan worked. Are you happy now?"

"Yes. Yes, I'm very happy. You'd better stay cool, or I'll be  _ so mad _ ."

Star laughed. "Well, the next time we argue about who gets the last cookie or something dumb like that, you'll have to get super upset with us. I'm looking forward to it!"

The three laughed. They were a beautiful trio.

* * *

_ Tom and I are cool again, and it's nice to have him around as a friend, of course. Marcie trapped us in an escape room and then a dude stole my wand and Tom was really cool getting it back. Turns out it was a frog man sent by Ludo a long time ago. I haven't seen Ludo recently, he's in the void, last I heard. Hope he's having fun. _


	4. Star Does Karate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Star comes along to Marcie's karate demonstration.

Star skipped down the stairs. "Hello, house! You're such a nice house! I sure do love living here."

"That makes me think you're being sarcastic, but you're Star. You don't understand sarcasm." Marcie was in her karate uniform, a white robe with a green belt.

"What's sarcasm?"

"Exactly."

Star sat down at the table and poured herself some cereal. "So, what's happening today? Should I blow something up, or have you got plans?"

"Well, Mom is going to a tea shop for probably twelve hours or so, Dad is dropping me off at karate and then going rock climbing. So you'll be alone in the house for a while."

Star gasped. "No! I can't be alone!"

"You'll live," Marcie shrugged.

"No, Marcie, you don't understand! I lived my whole life in a castle! I was never alone! I can't be alone like this!"

Marcie sighed. "Okay, Star. How about you come along with me to karate?"

"Ooh, karate! Okay. What do you do in karate?"

"You know, punch things, kick things, stuff like that."

"Ooh, I can punch things! And I can kick things! I should do karate!"

"I mean, we could sign you up... if you want."

"Yeah! Sign me up! Sign me up!"

"Okay... but you should shadow me today. We can't sign you up immediately and you should see if you like it first."

"Oh, shadowing! Like I do with my mom sometimes! What secrets will be revealed when I shadow..." Star jumped on the table and waved her hands in front of her face. "Marcie Diaz?!"

"Get off the table, Star."

"Okay!"

* * *

Rafael dropped off Marcie and Star at the karate place and waved goodbye. "Bye Star, bye Marcie! Have fun!"

"Bye Dad."

"Bye, Mr. Diaz! Goodbye! Byyeee!"

"Okay," Marcie turned to the karate dojo and walked in. "Star, come inside. Watch the weird sculptures of Krishna that I'm pretty sure aren't accurate or related to karate at all. Okay, come around here, to the front desk." Marcie walked up to the front desk and bowed to the man behind it, who was partially ensconced in shadows. "Sensei, this is Star. She's shadowing me so she can see if she wants to learn karate too."

"Hello, Star," the man in the shadows – "Sensei" – said. He stepped forward and into the light, revealing... he wasn't all that impressive. Tall, yes, but not that tall, and his shirt wasn't even strategically ripped to reveal muscles or anything. Star was disappointed, she liked muscles. He had a kind of scraggly half-beard and a five o’clock shadow.

Not as handsome as she would've liked.

"Alright, Star, you're not gonna get any special treatment just because you're new, okay?"

"Okay!" Star said, cheerfully.

"Good!" Sensei replied, laughing awkwardly. "You ready to see the dojo?"

"Yes!"

"Okay... Marcie! Go show Star around the dojo!"

"Alright, Sensei." Marcie navigated Star into the dojo. "Okay, these are the wood-chopping blocks, those are the punching bags, those are the thingies. You know, the things. And here," she opened a door, "is the presentation room! I'll present some karate moves to you!"

"Yes!" Star shouted, holding up her hands. "Are we gonna fight? Are we, are we, are we?!"

"No, I'll do some stuff like breaking wood, punching punching bags, stuff like that, and you watch me do those things!"

"Oh... okay! I'll... watch. Yay..."

Marcie ignored how bummed Star felt about just watching the demonstration, and started punching things. She chopped a block of wood in half, then two blocks at once, then three. Then she punched a punching bag, repeatedly.

Star sighed. It wasn't that it was boring, no... she just wanted something more from karate. Something... exciting.

"Marcie Diaz!" shouted a voice from the shadows of the presentation room, where a hooded figure stood. "It's your old enemy, Jeremy Birnbaum!"

Marcie gasped. "Jeremy? I thought you were off on your parent's yacht!"

"I was! But then I heard you were bringing a shadower to karate class, so I had to come! I can't let there be more of you!"

"How did you get here so fast?"

Jeremy paused, sputtered, and then shrugged. "I dunno."

"Whatever." Marcie said. "Let's fight! I'm certain I can beat you!"

Star jumped up and down in her seat. Finally, something exciting!"

Jeremy... stepped down from the stool he was standing on and threw off his cloak, revealing that he was... a tiny little kid. "Wait a second!" Star shouted. "That little kid is your worst enemy, Marcie?"

Marcie shrugged and nodded, but Jeremy growled. "Little kid?! I am not a little kid, I am so much more! I am Jeremy Birnbaum, karate master!"

"You look like a little kid."

"That's it! How dare you! I challenge you to a battle of karate skills. If you're so smart-mouthed, you must be great at it! Loser quits karate forever!"

"I'm not sure that qualifies as smart-mouthed. My mouth isn't very smart."

"Aurgh! You won't get anywhere by taunting me, Shadow! Now bow to your master!"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Marcie stepped between Star and Jeremy. "Star isn't trained in karate! She wouldn't be able to fight with someone like you."

"I don't care! She will fight me! If she wasn't well-trained, she shouldn't have insulted me."

"Insulted you? I didn't insult you."

"You said I was a little kid!"

"Yeah, because it's true!"

"No, it's not! It's not, it's not, it's not!" Jeremy stomped his feet and wailed.

"Anyways, I accept your offer! I'll fight you! Winner never does karate again!"

"I'll fight you in a bit. Give you some time to actually learn some technique," Jeremy wiped away his tears and stomped off. Before he left the room, he turned back again. "You'll feel my wrath soon, scrub! I'm watching you! I'm watching you!"

"Star, I can't believe you did that! Fight Jeremy? As just a shadow? This is bad, this is really bad. You were supposed to learn karate from me, not get banned from it forever!"

"Aww, don't worry, Marcie! I won't get banned."

"Really? How will you do that?"

"I'll cram! I'm really good at studying! Just ask Ms. Skullnick!"

Somewhere, far off in the distance, Ms. Skullnick looked up. "I feel a disturbance in the force. Like someone being a [CENSORED] liar."

Marcie raised an eyebrow. She agreed with the distant Skullnick: Star's studying skills left a lot to be desired. But there weren't exactly any other options here. "Okay. Let's study."

* * *

Star learned very quickly. She knew Mewnian fighting styles, and she had observed Marcie in the field, so she was more experienced than Marcie gave her credit for. In fact, she picked up fighting styles so quickly that Marcie became jealous of her ease of learning. She went from a white belt to a yellow belt in a single day, far faster than Marcie had learned it. And Marcie's only "thing" was karate. If Star knew karate too, what would Marcie do?

But Marcie didn't tell that to Star. She didn't want Star to stop doing something she liked because Marcie objected. That would be awful for both of them.

And Star slowly got more and more stressed out. She wanted karate to be fun, but learning so much in a short time was exhausting. But she didn't want to disappoint Marcie, so she kept quiet.

So Star learned quickly, and Marcie (and Sensei, but mostly Marcie) taught her.

They went through the punches once again.

"Mountain punch!"  _ Thwap _ . "Parallel punch!"  _ Thwap _ . "Hook punch!"  _ Thwap _ . "Et-cetera!"  _ Thwap _ !

"I totally got this, don't worry, Marcie!" Star said, parallel punching again. "This is fun! Not stressful at all, hah. Definitely."

"I'm definitely not worried about you. You're pretty awesome."

"Aww, thanks Marcie! It's only because I have a pretty great teacher."  _ See?  _ thought Marcie.  _ She's having a blast learning karate. Why can't I be happy for her? _

"Think I have the skills to beat Jeremy?" Star asked, karate-chopping the air. After all this, she'd better be able to beat him. Too much time had been spent on it for it not to count.

"No, you've done a lot for your first day, but I don't know if you can beat Jeremy. He's pretty good, if I'll admit that."

"Yeah, but I got the skills! I got the skills, I got the skills!" Star sang tunelessly.

"Hey, Star?"

"Yeah?"

"If you don't beat Jeremy, don't be too hard on yourself. Jeremy can afford private lessons and fancy equipment."

"I can afford private lessons and fancy equipment!"

"Yeah, but can you afford years of practice like Jeremy already has?"

"I could freeze time."

"No you can't. Remember what Father Time said: he told you that time is fragile and freezing it could break it?"

"Aww, you're right. Okay, let's go over the punches again."

"Alright. Mountain punch! Scissors punch! Go, go, go, Star!"

* * *

Finally, everyone was ready. The sun had set, the bleachers in the presentation room were full. "Okay, Star, remember your techniques. Remember my lessons. Remember who you –"

"I get it! You're just making me way more stressed!"

"Oh, okay. Just, you know, trying to prepare you."

Star sighed. "I'm really stressed out. Isn't karate supposed to be fun?"

"Karate is war, Star. And Jeremy Birnbaum is your deadly opponent."

"Oh-kay..." Star sighed. "What if I don't want to do this?"

"Then you forfeit, and you never do karate again! That's definitely how this stuff works!"

Star sighed. "And what if I don't want to do karate?"

Marcie blinked. "You don't want to do karate?"

"Not really... but I've spent so much time working on knowing karate, what will happen if I forfeit? All these skills and things I've learned will go to waste!"

"They'll be used to defend a princess's wand from the forces of evil. That's not putting them to waste. Besides, I know all these things too. Sure, you spent all day working on karate, and that stinks if it isn't something you like, but it's not all that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. The average human lives for twenty-five thousand five hundred and fifty days, one of those isn't that important. You know?"

Star smiled. "I think I do know. Thank you for helping me out." They smiled at each other, and hugged. "I guess you'll have to be the only karate girl from now on."

"I'm fine with that."

So, when the time came, Star stood up to Jeremy and loudly announced that she quit.

Jeremy gasped. And then he screamed. "You don't get to forfeit! I was supposed to beat you! How will I beat you in the face for calling me little if you forfeit?!"

Star shook her head. "You get too attached to things, little man. This is just how things be."

Jeremy started crying. "I was supposed to beat you! I was supposed to beat you!"

Star frowned awkwardly, the way one does when someone who is supposed to be your bitter rival bursts out crying in front of you. "Um... there, there, little guy?"

"DON'T CALL ME LITTLE!" Jeremy sobbed. "You don't understand my problems! How dare you! How dare you! Stop it!"

"I'm not doing anything."

"Stop looking at me like that!"

Star averted her gaze awkwardly.

Jeremy continued thrashing around, dislodging something from his glove. Sensei picked it up. "Brass knuckles?"

"They're not brass, you idiot, they're gold! I have standards!"

Sensei shrugged. "Well, that's too bad. Gold is a really soft metal. Terrible for punching people with. But this disqualifies you, so Star wins!"

The crowd cheered.

"Hey! I forfeited!"

"Okay, so nobody wins!"

"Aww," said the crowd.

"But I quit karate!" Star used her wand to shed the karate uniform, changing back to her regular dress and leggings.

"Aww," said the crowd.

And so, Jeremy was lead away by his very scary-looking parents, while Star and Marcie waited for Mr. Diaz to come pick them up.

"That was an eventful day," Marcie remarked.

"Sure was."

"I learned that just because you put a lot of work into something, doesn't mean you have to go through with it. What about you?"

Star considered for a moment. "I learned nothing."

"Sounds right."

* * *

_ Okay, I did learn something. You have to know what you like and do it instead of things you don't like, blah blah blah. But I think I learned something more important than "morals" or whatever: I learned that I don't like karate! Marcie may enjoy it, but I don't and I think that's okay. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next is a double-length chapter, the first not canon-based episode of its kind. I can't wait for you guys to learn about... ghosts.
> 
> You've Got Ghosts: Star's tower might be haunted.


	5. You've Got Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Star's tower might be haunted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The book of spells is a little different in this universe. Not that different, but a little. For one thing, the table of contents is in the middle.

Star sipped some tea. "Top o’ the morning to you, Maaahcie."

Marcie sighed. "Why are we having a tea party, again?"

"I'm my mother, look!" Star stood up and made farting noises. "Pbbfftt, pbfftt, pbbbffftt. I'm so royal and gorgeous and I have a weird accent that my daughter doesn't have because she was never around her when she was a child and was practically raised by the royal guards. Pbbfft, pbbfftt, pbbfffttt."

"First of all, fart jokes? That's really base humor. Not behavior worthy of a princess at all," Marcie said, taking on a posh accent of her own and winking. "Secondly, you were raised by the royal guards? That explains a lot. And thirdly... what did your mother do to make you want to make fun of her all of a sudden?"

Star sighed. "Well, she was all 'Us Mewmans have a noble and storied history. Blahblahblah.' And I said, 'Well, I'm sure that some of that history wasn't so noble! I mean, we've done a lot of whacked up stuff. Just look at the Great Monster Massacre.' And Mom said that the Great Monster Massacre was a 'necessary evil' to 'fight back against the Forces of Evil.' And I was like, 'wasn't there a lot of massacring in the Great Monster Massacre?' Like, really pointless massacring?'"

"And her response?"

"She said, 'Well, if you can find something about us fighting monsters that doesn't involve self-defense, you can always bring it to me.'"

"Huh. I get it. You have a perfectly justified reason to be mad at your mom now. But why a tea party, exactly?"

"I dunno, it just felt right."

Marcie was about to ask another question when the table rattled and shook the tea set off. Then the table started levitating.

"Uh, Marcie? What did you do?"

"Um, me? I'm a non-magical schmuck, what was I going to do?"

"If you aren't doing this, who is?"

"I thought it was you!"

"Nope!"

Marcie looked at the table and considered for a moment. But, in the middle of her considerations, the table flung itself at Star. Star dodged, and the table wedged itself into the wall. "Yikes," Star said, poking the table. "I almost died."

Then the tea set levitated and flung itself at Star. Star blasted the tea set away with her wand, before it could smash into her, but the shards of the tea set continued flying and one of them scraped Star's wrist. Marcie grabbed Star and, as the shards made another pass at her, ran out of the tower and slammed the door. Porcelain shards slammed into the door behind them.

"Weird," Star said. "What's going on?"

"No idea."

"This has to be magical in origin. We could ask Glossaryck."

"Glossaryck? He's back in your room, right?"

"Oh, shoot," Star sighed. "What should we do?"

"Well, whatever this is, it seems to be targeting you. So if I go in there, maybe I'll be okay?"

"Might as well try in."

Marcie opened the door, only for one of Star's enchanted swords to throw itself at her. Marcie flinched back, holding her hands in front of her head, but the sword... stopped. Marcie relaxed, looking at the sword. It was still hovering in the air, but it had stopped a few inches from her head. 

"Whew," Marcie exclaimed. "Okay, sword, uh, please don't hurt me." Marcie squeezed past the sword and sidled past a veritable storm of swirling items: weapons, mostly, but also things like paper and wood planks from the floorboards.

None of which threw themselves at her, which Marcie was grateful for. She muttered little thank yous as she moved towards the Magic Book of Spells, which was hidden under Star's bed.

She grabbed the book, and a ghastly screech echoed through the room from one of Star’s magic violins that she never played, and then all the items floating around started throwing themselves at the book. Marcie dodged the flying weapons and raced out of the room, slamming the door behind her. 

"You okay?" Star asked.

"Yeah. But I wonder what that was about. Whatever's throwing things around was fine with me, but freaked out the moment it saw this book."

"Weird," Star said, grabbing the book from Marcie and opening it. "Hey, Glossaryck! We have a problem."

"What do you think I can do about it?" Glossaryck wondered, floating out of the book.

"Well, you're kinda all-knowing, all-powerful, etcetera, blah blah blahbity blah. So we thought you'd at least know what's going on."

"Well," Glossaryck said. He was snacking on some pudding and getting it all over himself. Messy little brat. "You've got ghosts."

"Ghosts?"

"Hey, you  _ can _ eat your own pudding! I knew it!"

"Marcie! Priorities."

"Oh, yeah, right.  _ Ghosts _ ?"

"Yeah, ghosts, spirits, whatever," Glossaryck ate another spoonful of pudding. "Dead people come back to life. What we have here is a one hundred percent genuine haunting."

"Any idea what we can do to stop it from throwing knives at me?"

"Me? No," Glossaryck fell back into the book.

"Hey, wait," Marcie grabbed Glossaryck before he could completely become one with the book. "Give us a straight answer, little man. Tell us what to do about the ghost."

"Well, don't you have a friend? One who rules the Underworld? Who knows his ghosts?"

Star rubbed her hands together. "Tom!"

"Exactly. Goodbye!" Glossaryck went back into the book.

"Alight, we just need to call Tom over."

"Already on it," Star grabbed her compact mirror. "I got Tom's number!"

"Oh, hi Star," Tom said once they'd dialed him. "Want to hang out?"

"I mean, yes, but we also need you for something. According to Glossaryck my tower's got ghosts. I have no idea what they want or what their unfinished biz is, but we need to get them out of my tower."

"Really? Normally ghosts are rather friendly. Just confused, and understandably scared of whatever's keeping them on this plane of existence."

"They threw swords at my face, and tried to destroy my spellbook." Star held up the scratch on her arm. "I need them out."

"Okay, come on over to my place. I'll give you a crash course on ghosts and exorcising them, so you can deal with them yourselves. We have an entire room dedicated to teaching people about ghosts. It's pretty cool, if I do say so myself."

"Alrighty tighty, Tom," Star said. "We'll take the dimensional scissors. Oh, wait, they're in my room. Can you use your pair of scissors or your teleportation flamey magic thing to get us to your place? Or, better yet, you could just come over and exorcise the ghost without teaching us anything."

"Oh, no, we are learning about ghosts," Marcie said, shaking her hands in excitement. "There is no way we are not learning about ghosts. Tom, take us to your learning-about-ghosts room immediately. I want to learn."

"You got it, buddy," Tom said, winking. A few seconds later a column of fire erupted outside of the house – Tom refused to use his powers indoors, for rather sensible reasons – and Star and Marcie ran down to meet Tom. They hugged, and then Tom took them to the Underworld, where things were made out of flame resistant material, again for rather sensible reasons. Everything is made for rather sensible reasons. It gets boring sometimes.

Tom teleported them directly to the learning-about-ghosts room. It was a large auditorium with presentation materials already made and ready.

"Okay, this stuff is all ready. Take a seat. Time to learn about ghosts."

Marcie whooped. "Yeah, go Tom! Teach us about ghosts!"

"I think you're way too excited about this, Marcie," Star grumped. Learning is fun, Star. Learning is fun.

"Well, to start, here's a disclaimer: not all ghosts ooze ectoplasm! That is a wrongful stereotype that haunts ghosts to this day. Not all ghosts are gross or evil. In fact, the majority are nice and perfectly normal ghostly citizens. I'm so tired of people - yes, Star?"

Star was raising her hand. "The ghosts in my tower are evil, they threw swords at me! So you can skip this disclaimer thingy."

Tom sighed. "We don't know if your ghosts are evil! There could be, well, perfectly normal explanations for throwing sharp objects at someone! Like, maybe they mistook you for a target. Could happen to anyone. But, anyways – yes, Star?"

Star was raising her hand once again. "I don't think these ghosts mistook me for a target. That's a very dumb thing to do."

Tom sighed. "I was talking hypotheticals. But anyways –  _ yes, Star _ ?"

"The ghosts aren't hypothetical. They're real ghosts."

Tom sighed. "Star, I know. Now, please use the power of the raised hand wisely, or I will repeat the disclaimer every time you raise your hand."

Star huffed. "I was just making sure you knew."

"Okay! So, ghosts. They are the usually non-corporal spirits of those who have passed. They usually can't appear outside of a place of power, like the Underworld.

"Now, ghosts are usually not in the land of the dead because they have unfinished business. What this unfinished business is depends on the ghost, but it can range from leaving the kettle on to being murdered without the killer being caught. Usually, if you can solve the unfinished problem that the ghosts have, they will leave you in peace. Yes, Marcie?"

"So all we have to do is find the ghost's unfinished problem and everything will be fine?" Marcie was scribbling down notes. Lots of notes.

"Yes, that normally does it. Now, ghosts are usually not that powerful, but several things can increase their power. Generally, they gain power with age, because they gain knowledge and power through sheer trial and error over time.

"The severity of the unfinished problem also changes the ghost's power. Severe unfinished problems result in stronger ghosts because ghost's powers depend on their emotions, and traumatic things that cause strong emotions make them more powerful. Of course, this also gives ghosts power depending on how severe they  _ think  _ their problem is. If a ghost feels really strongly about the kettle they left on, they'll be stronger than a ghost who was murdered but doesn't really care about it. Yes, Marcie."

"Does it take energy to stay on the physical realm?"

("You didn't get upset when Marcie did it," Star grumped.)

"Yes, it does, actually! Ghosts who don't really care about their unfinished business are more likely to pass on to the next realm because they don't have a large emotional connection to the realm of the living."

"And... What is the next realm? Is it the Underworld, or what?"

"No, the Underworld is more an in-between realm. It's made up of demons, who are native to the area, and ghosts, who come from all over. Most ghosts are supposed to come to the Underworld to have their unfinished business sorted out and then Lady Life or one of her attendants comes and takes them on to the next realm. We're not really sure where that next realm is."

"Lady Life?"

"Well, that's what we call her. We know she's a her and that she comes for every soul either in-person or by proxy. And we're pretty sure she rules over ghosts and the next realm. Ghosts tell us she's constantly calling them onward, and it takes energy to resist that call."

"But you don't know exactly who Lady Life is."

"Nope."

"Hmm..." Marcie wrote  _ Lady Life: ???  _ on her notes.

"And, anyways, there's other things that help keep ghosts on this plane. Some of which seem random, but they really do help. For instance, soulflowers." Tom flipped a slide on the presentation, showing a white four-petaled flower with a dark, near black stem. "Soulflowers boost ghosts’ powers and are common in the Underworld, but fairly rare everywhere else."

Star raised her hand.

"Star, do you want me to repeat the disclaimer?"

"No, I just have a question."

"Ask away, I guess."

"So, I think I saw some of those flowers in my yard. I thought they were Mr. Diaz's new landscaping project, but they might've not been. I don't know."

"Well, that's a good clue of what's going on, then. Though I have no idea how they started growing in the Earth dimension, as, no offense, Marcie, but they're magic flowers and Earth just isn't very magical."

"None taken. It's true, Earth is strangely non-magical. It's weird."

"Alright, since we have a lead, I'll wrap this presentation up –"

"No! It was so interesting!" That was Marcie.

"– After I summarize the rest of what I was going to say."

"Yes!" Marcie said, wiping away tears. 

Star groaned.  "Who knows what's going on in my tower, and we're off... learning!"

"I'll make it quick. The last thing you need is to know is that ghosts can't travel far from their bodies, and have to carry them around. They're not purely ethereal. So, if we can find their bodies, we can destroy them with my fire. There. Interested?"

"Ooh, yes! It'll be easy to find bodies. I bet they're hiding in the secrets closet!"

"But here's our plan of attack, Star. We destroy the soulflowers, weakening the spirits, and then we go in and find their bodies and destroy them. Yes, Marcie?"

"What about finding their unfinished business?" 

"Well, unless we can communicate with them, which is unlikely, as they seem too angry to communicate, we can't really find their unfinished business. It's better to just find their bodies and force them from this plane."

Marcie sighed. "Okay..."

"Believe me, I want to find their unfinished business and lay them to rest as much as you do, but they're violent. We can't risk our lives, too."

"Okay. Let's go."

* * *

They stopped in the garden where Star had seen the soulflowers. They were growing out of the grass on the lawn, a rather large bush of them.

"Those are soulflowers, alright. But they're a variety I've never seen before."

"Really?" Marcie was still taking notes.

"Yeah, look at those giant thorns. And they've got weirdly shaped jagged petals. They almost look sharp."

"What about the fact that they're tinged green? Not white?"

"Oh, that's normal. It all depends on whoever's using their power. Looks like these ghosts are just green."

"Huh."

"Let's pull them out, then!" Star strode forward and tugged on the soulflowers, but her hand snagged on a thorn and she retreated. "Ow! Stupid thorn!"

"Star, that might've saved your life! Look!"

A green gas was pouring out from the flower. It hung in the air ominously and then dissipated.

"What was that?!"

"No idea. But... soulflowers are easily changed by their hosts, so... if these spirits are poisoned with hate, their soulflowers might be poisoned too."

Star sighed and aimed her wand. "I'll just get rid of them from a distance, then." She blasted them with a strong blast of fire that easily eviscerated the flowers and blasted into the wall of the house. 

"Oops," Star muttered. Mr. Diaz could be heard inside the house, asking who made the wall so hot, and the wall was permanently scorched. "But, hey, the flowers are gone!"

"Yep. Let's go and find the bodies of our ghosts."

As the trio left, the scorched flowers shook. Then, below them, a new sprout emerged. And another. And another, until the plant was back, larger than before.

* * *

"Okay. How do we get in without being stabbed?"

"You and Tom should go in. They hate me." Star looked through the Magic Book of Spells. "I'm certain there was a spell about ghosts somewhere in this thing."

"Check Skywynne's chapter." Marcie was slowly making her way through the book, taking notes as she went.

"Skywynne knows about ghosts, but it's all about the types of reanimated dead, and what they do. Nothing about destroying them. I'm also looking for something about communicating with the dead. You know, just in case we don't find their bodies."

"Well, good luck. Tom and I are going in."

They opened the door and walked in.

Exactly five seconds later, Tom ran out of the tower, yelping, a sword chasing him down. "Looks like you're on your own, Marcie! Good luck!"

He panted and leaned on the door. "How are things going, Star?"

"Not great. This is a big book." Star was going through the pages one-by-one. "There's so many queens! And so many spells!"

"Well, I don't know much about the Mewman queens. But shouldn't you ask Glossaryck?"

"Duh! You're a genius, Tom!"

Tom blushed. "Well, I try."

"Hey, little lizard! Come out and help me!"

"Stop yelling! What do you want?"

Star crossed her arms. "No beating around the bush, little man-man. Where's the spell for communicating with ghosts?"

"That? Oh, it's in Celena the Shy's chapter."

"Celena the Shy? Isn't she the one who's supposed to have all the secrets? And then I read her chapter and there's no secrets anywhere in it?"

"Well, yes. She had secrets, and she had good reasons for keeping them hidden from future queens."

"What were those?"

"It's a secret."

"Gee, thanks, I get it," Star turned the pages to Celena's chapter. "Wand, or lack thereof, millhorse, ah, here's a spell! Wait, it's just for... making your love love you back? Huh. And then there's an anecdote on living with shyness... can't relate, skipping past... aha! 'To Commune With Spirits'! Here we go!"

Before Star could do anything, Marcie opened the door. "Guys, I looked everywhere – including the secrets closet, yes, Star – and I can't find anything. You'd think a body would be easy to find, but nnnope."

"That's odd. Maybe the spirits only have one body part left, or something like that."

"I could search again –"

"No, no, we talk to them and figure out what the unfinished business is."

"Really? I thought you were dead-set on exorcizing them," Tom said, curious.

"Not anymore, this seems too good of a spell to use to cast it aside."

Tom kneeled by Star, looking at the page. "Looks like it needs a perfume made over two to three weeks. That could take a while."

"No, don't worry. I made a jar of it as a science project and then turned my science teacher into a ghost. It was an accident, mostly, and I'm sorry about it. Mostly. I stored the rest in my secrets closet.”

"I'm guessing I'm going to have to go get it?" Marcie was already reaching for the door.

"Yep."

Marcie went in, looked through the secrets closet, and grabbed a bottle. "This should be it." She went out and offered the bottle to Star.

"Nope, that's a bottle of that goo my wand made a while back."

Marcie tried again. "Is this it?"

"Nope, but you're close. That's the sludge I made on my first attempt to make the potion."

"Okay, third time's the charm. Let's do this." Marcie came back with another bottle.

"Nope, you're getting cold again. That there's spit from Three-Eyed Potato Baby."

"...may I ask how you got that?"

"No. Try again."

Marcie sighed and grabbed a mason jar, this time. "Here?"

"Yes! Finally! Let's do this!"

Star dumped the lemon-scented perfume on her wand. "Okay, this should give them... maybe forty minutes or so of physicality. When I finish the spell, open the door quickly so the spell can find the ghosts. Ready?"

"Ready!" Tom put his hand on the door handle, and Marcie stood at attention, by Star.

"Okay.  _ Ghosts of darkness, pain, and strife, stand before me now! Come back to tell me of your life, come back to show me how! I give you new life, so come back. Break the chains that bind you to the black! _ "

Tom opened the door and the spell burst in, and hovered to the center of the tower. The spell, a white column of light, turned green and split into three columns, which slowly formed into the shapes of three lizard people, hovering in the air.

"Marcie, get in front of me. I don't want to get speared."

Marcie did so. She stood in front of Star and extended her arms.

The ghosts hovered above them, and they were holding quite a few dangerous-looking weapons. Star took a deep breath.

"Um, hi!"

"She can see us!" the first ghost, a tall and rather handsome lizard man with spikes along his shoulders, said.

"Well, of course she can see us, she used Celena's spell. Don't you smell the lemon?" the second lizard ghost, a short lizard woman with frills along her spine, said.

The third ghost, a youthful-looking lizard person with a mane of dark fur, said nothing. They only gazed at Star.

"Lemon? Ugh, so that's what it is. Gross. Don't understand why mewmans like it so much."

"It sure wakes us up, though, doesn't it? Well, pay it no heed. Let's just kill her and be done with it."

"Uh... why do you want to kill me so much?"

"Because. You're a Butterfly. We got tired of watching your tower for Una and decided to just kill you and make their job easier."

"Una?" Star wondered, and then shook herself. "Whatever. I know my family isn't exactly popular with everyone – our own citizens are mad at us half the time! – but surely you don't want to kill me just because I'm a Butterfly."

"Yes, we do."

"Yeah, pretty much."

The third ghost just nodded their agreement.

"So, basically, just stop struggling and let us kill you! Makes things easier for everyone!" The second ghost took aim. "Now, Marcie, if you could just move over a bit..."

"Hey, wait! I'm not gonna let you kill her!" Marcie refused to move out of the second ghost's view. "She's a good person."

"Yeah, we're gonna need some proof," the second ghost said, crossing her arms. "Butterflys are rotten, the whole lot of them."

Star crossed her arms. "Not me! I might have been bad in the past, but I'm getting better. Being on Earth has made me a whole lot better."

"Mm-hmm," the second ghost said, rolling her eyes. "And I'm a dancing Septarsis flower."

"You don't look like a dancing Septarsis flower," Star responded, puzzled.

"Star, she meant 'yeah, right'. You know, a figure of speech." Marcie said.

"Oh, right. Well, call yourself a dancing Septarsis flower, because I will prove my goodness! Uh... how could I prove my goodness to you?"

The second ghost snorted. "Well, for a starter, you could ask us our names and pronouns."

"Oh! I'm sorry. What are your names and pronouns?"

"I'm Xoco, she/her," the second ghost said.

"I'm Chita, he/him, and that's Necahua, they/them," the first ghost said, referring to the third ghost.

"Okay, Xoco, Chita, and Necahua."

"For second, you could not destroy our soulflowers."

Star nodded. "Okay, if they grow back, I won't destroy them again. Sounds fair?"

"They've already grown back," Chita said.

"Wait, really? Soulflowers don't grow that fast!" That was Tom, from the door. Chita waved a sword at him and Xoco glared. "Okay, okay, I'll leave! I just don't get it!"

"We have our ways," Xoco grinned. "Anyways, what were we talking about? Oh, yes, ways that this one can escape her family legacy. You're Moon the Undaunted's daughter, right?"

"Mom? Uh, yeah."

"Good, I haven't got my centuries mixed up. Now, with a mother like yours, you really have some things to get over. Hmm... what could we do to make you make it up to us? How's about you get us some of your Mewman tea while we deliberate?"

"Uhm, you can't drink. You're ghosts."

"Yes, true, but we can smell. You'd better mix us up a good-smelling tea."

"I guess that checks out," Star left to get some tea. But before she could go downstairs to use the Diaz's teapot, Tom stopped her.

"Hey, Star, you sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah, of course! I'll make them tea."

"Yeah, but Marcie brought this up to me, and I talked with my therapist, and... these guys tried to kill you. And they're still on the fence about it until you do random and frustrating odd jobs for them."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's okay to get angry. It's okay to put your foot down. You don't have to do things for them."

"I think I do. You don't know what my family's done.I think they were victims of... the Great Monster Massacre."

"You mean the thing we reenact for Mewnipendence Day? Isn't that... oh. Yeah, I always thought there was something off about that holiday."

"Yeah, no kidding," Star laughed weakly. "Anyways, I'm getting them some tea. You want any?"

"... sure."

* * *

"Okay, I avoided the lemon tea. You like, uh, Earl Grey?"

"We'll be polite. You tried. But in the future, get us some meat tea. We're carnivores."

"Hmm, like broth? Earth doesn't really have meat tea. It's weird that way."

"Okay, we'll have some of this 'broth'. Make it for us."

"Yeah, okay." Star heated up some broth and brought it in.

"Oh, that's better," Xoco sighed, inhaling. "Delicious. Makes me wish I could eat."

"I always with I could eat," Chita sighed. "It would be lovely."

"Why don't you just use your bodies?" Star wondered, looking at the ghosts.

The ghosts looked at each other. "Well..." Xoco sighed. "It's a long story."

"Oh, I know. You were involved in the Great Monster Massacre, weren't you? I'm so sorry, it must've been awful."

Chita and Xoco looked at each other. "Well..."

"No," Necahua said. "What we were involved in was worse."

Necahua's voice was rusty and tired. It scraped along like rusted iron on a sidewalk. And they kept talking in that raspy voice, as if each word were costing them energy. "We were  _ involved _ in the first act of war. Before the Great Monster Massacre. We weren't combatants. We were civilians. I was... fourteen, in your Mewman years. My sibling was the only survivor. I died protecting them."

"Oh," Star gasped. "I'm so sorry."

"Not sorry enough. How could you ever be sorry enough to make up for what happened to us?!" The sky outside grew gray. Clouds were gathering. Items randomly picked themselves off the shelves and swirled around. Clearly Necahua had been holding back. 

"I don't know. I don't know what to do!"

"Don't you? The only way you can stop this is to ensure it never happens again. And you can't do that."

"I know, I know!"

"Don't pretend to know. The consequences of what was done on that day still echo on. And you benefit from it. You're only the princess because of what happened on that day."

"I – I never wanted this! I never wanted to be the princess! I don't know what to do to fix it, I can't do anything!" Star burst out into tears and slumped down. "I don't know what to do."

"I know." Necahua dropped the swirling items and hovered down, giving off the illusion that their ghostly body was kneeling on the ground. "Let me show you something."

They waved a hand and a clump of dust fell down from the rafters. Necahua floated it into Star's hands. "Look."

Star looked. She leaned in to study it really closely and accidentally got some up her nose. She sneezed, to one side, thankfully. "Sorry!"

"It's okay. Now, what is it?"

Star leaned in and poked it. "It's... ash," she said, wiping her finger off on her dress.

"It's my body. What's left of it."

"Oh..." Star kinda regretted wiping the ash on her dress. And getting some up her nose. Oops.

"Star, can you promise me that you will never do this? Ever?"

"Yes. I absolutely can." She wasn't lying. She wouldn't lie about something like that... she hoped.

"Then that's all I need from you." Necahua stood up and floated all the ash to them, including the bits that were in Star's nose and on her dress. It tickled as the dust came out. Star sneezed again.

"Xoco, Chita. Let's go home." Necahua turned away from Star and beckoned to their fellow ghosts. "There's nothing else to do here."

The two ghosts nodded – and it was kind of funny, how much the two much older ghosts were deferring to the tiny Necahua – and disappeared. Necahua looked at Star, nodded once, and disappeared as well. All that was left was three piles of dust, and then those were carried away by a supernatural wind, out of the window and off to… somewhere else.

Star sniffed. Her eyes pricked with tears.

The gathered clouds outside started to rain.

"Wow, those ghosts must've been really powerful. To still be in control of a body that's just ash... it's really impressive." Tom looked up to where the three ghosts had disappeared. "Of course, I don't think we found their unfinished business. I get the feeling that this isn't the last we've seen of them… Oh, Star, you okay?"

Marcie walked up to Star and hugged her. "It's okay, Star."

"Should I get you some tea?" Tom suggested, awkwardly.

Star nodded. "I want the warmth."

Marcie looked at Star. "Hey, it's okay, Star. It's okay."

"No, it's not," Star said, wiping tears away from her eyes once again. Then she looked up, to the rafters, where the ghosts' ashes had hidden. "I have to find proof this happened. I have to know."

* * *

_ I have so much to learn about Mewni, about my family history, about... everything. Diary, today I learned that there was some kind of "first strike" in the war between Mewmans and monsters, but I can't find it in my history books anywhere. Apparently there was a big fire in the castle that wiped out a lot of my history. I think that the ghosts were telling the truth, but I can't find proof of it anywhere in the tomes in my room. Maybe the next time I go shadow my mother I'll check the library. I'll be sure to bring Marcie too, since she loves researching things. Who knows, maybe I'll find something. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I based the names of the ghosts off Classical Nahuatl (the language of the Mexica, also known as the Aztecs) names, since I'm basing Septatian off Nahuatl in general, since it’s a pretty cool language and I kinda looked at things at random and picked Nahuatl. Xoco means "fruit" in Nahuatl, and is also "fruit" in Pre-Contact or Old Septarian (which is different from Post-Contact or New (or Pre-Mewman) Septarian, whose words tended to explicitly describe things instead of give them new names). Chita is modified from Xochitl, which means flower in Nahuatl (Chita means "marigold" in P-C Septarian.) Finally, Necahua was derived from Necahual, which apparently is commonly translated as "survivor" around the internet (which is. Ironic), but according to Nahuatl Studies means "one who has parted" which fits Necahua quite well. Necahua has a similar meaning in Post-Contact Septarian (Ne - they, ca - who, hua - left. Interestingly, "necahua" doesn't contain a gender, but Septarian names tend to leave out the gender, as that's what introductions are for). I only have.... an inkling of an idea about why Necahua was named such a... kinda depressing name.
> 
> Next up are my least favorite (it went through so many drafts and I'm still not satisfied with it) and one of my favorite episodes of the season.
> 
> Metalworking Lesson: Star has difficulty with a new class.
> 
> Star and Echo Creek: Star flees Echo Creek and meets a camp of other people who fled from society.


	6. Metalworking Lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Star has difficulty with a new class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one had to be dragged from my brain kicking and screaming, but it needs to happen.

"Hello, school! I sure love this place!"

Marcie sighed. "You know, I think you're the only straight-F student to ever like school, like, ever."

"What's not to like?"

"Uh, Ms. Skullnick, for one."

"Pssh, me and Ms. Skullsies have gone through a lot together! I'm sure I can get through to any teacher by now."

"Sure. Are you ready for next semester?"

"What?"

"You know, next semester. Classes change, there's a thingy in your grades, stuff like that?"

"Um, no! What's going to happen? What am I signed up for? Am I still going to be in Ms. Skullnick's math class?"

"Don't worry about that! Math classes are a two-semester deal. But what you really should pay attention to is your elective."

"Elective?"

"Yeah. You were in Design with me, but I dunno what you're in next. I'm taking Photography next, what were you signed up to do?"

"I don't know! What do I do?"

Marcie patted Star's shoulder. "Don't worry, I got'cha."

* * *

"Gradebook? What is this sorcery?"

"You haven't checked the gradebook once?"

"No. And you're doing it on the weird light box, too... I always say, Earth is way more magical than you think!"

"Star, just because you don't understand something doesn't make it magic. This is a special thing called technology. Also, you got a computer when you enrolled in this school. What did you do with it?"

"I... dunno. I think I threw it in my secrets closet."

"Threw it? Star, laptops are fragile!"

"I threw it. Yep. Had to get the weird light box away from me."

"Star... well, we'll see how it works when we get home. One problem at a time."

"Right. So how do we see my thingydo for next sem-est-er?"

"I... don't suppose you remember your password?"

"Yeah! It's –"

"Wait, don't tell me! You don't tell anyone your password! Just write it in!"

Star sat down and typed in the password. "Okay... looks like I got Math, Science, History, English, Spanish, Health, and... Machine Shop?"

"Hmm. Sounds interesting," Marcie said. "I don't really know much about that class. But if you want to learn about Earth technology, seems like that would be the place to start."

"I mean, my parents just signed me up for whatever sounded good. I don't think that was deliberate of them."

"What'cha guys doing?" Janna asked, from the chair next to them. Marcie screamed.

"Looking at my classes," Star replied, unbothered. "I'm in Machine Shop next semester."

"Shop? Ha! That sucks, man."

"Sucks? Why?"

"The teacher's nuts," the Filipino kid said. "My older brother went through that class, and he came out... different. No one who takes that class comes out the same."

"Pfft, that's what I'm supposed to be worried about? They're probably just sad, like Ms. Skullnick. I can deal with that."

"You sure it's okay? If the shop teacher is bad, you can switch classes."

"Yes, I'm sure. I'm gonna do this! I love school, mean teacher or not! Let's do this!"

* * *

"First day of shop! Whoop, whoop!"

"Yeah... I do hope you have fun." Marcie hadn't forgotten Janna's warning. Hopefully Star's incurable optimism would shine through, no matter how mean the teacher was.

"Well, let's go our separate ways. Have fun in Photography, Marcie!"

"Thanks, Star. Have fun in Shop."

"Will do!"

Star walked past several waiting students to the machine shop and walked in. It was empty and the lights were out. "Huh... weird." She flipped the lights on. "That's better." She sat at a table and waited for the teacher to come in.

And come in he did. Mr. Smith was his name, and he had a frown on his face from the start. "Who are you?"

"I'm Star Butterfly! I'm here for the machine shop class! Machines, right? I totally know what they do, don't worry," Star said, turning around on her stool.

"You are not to come in my class until I come in! And you definitely shouldn't turn on the lights! Only I turn on the lights!"

"Oh, okay. Sorry about that."

"You will be! Detention for you! Meet me after school so you can clean this place! It's filthy!"

"Oh, okay. Detention. Not like I've never been there before. It's fine."

"Hmph," Mr. Smith said, crossing his arms. "The rest of you kids can come in."

The rest of the class trickled in, and sat at various tables. No one sat next to Star, they just glanced furtively at each other.

"Hi, everyone!" Star said, ignoring the glares from her classmates. "Hi! Hello! Someone say hi back so this doesn't get awkward!"

It got awkward. Then Mr. Smith broke the silence. "Alright, you... students. Welcome to shop class. Pay attention!"

Star, who had been rocking on her stool, got stared at. To be fair, most of the kids staring at her were embarrassed for her sake. "Stop rocking!" one of them said, a freshman like Star with tightly curled hair and dark skin.

"What?" Star asked, loudly. 

"Stop rocking on your stool! It's distracting and Mr. Smith doesn't like it!"

"Oh... okay." Star stopped rocking, but she didn't see how Mr. Smith didn't like it. He had told her to pay attention, and that was how she paid attention. "Okay..."

The girl glanced at Mr. Smith and straightened up.

"Anyways!" the teacher near-shouted. "Shop is an art! You will learn how to use these machines to make all kinds of beautiful pieces of art! Well, some of you will. Most of you will never get anywhere, and that is acceptable to me! You weak-willed brats will likely never progress beyond the basics. But the basics are all this school wants me to teach, so fine. We'll start with bending metal on the break. It's not that hard, some of you may even be able to do it!"

_ Wow,  _ thought Star.  _ At least Ms. Skullnick tried to actually teach her students. _

They moved to the break, which was a large machine made for bending metal. Not breaking it. I was confused too. "The school doesn't pay for fancy, new equipment, so you'll have to deal with what we've got. Now, Miss Butterfly, since you seem to know better than me, why don't you demonstrate how to bend metal with this machine? It's only the basics, but surely you know that much."

"Uh..." Star looked around for metal to bend. She looked, and found some on the floor around the break. It was long and thin, but it would do.

She pushed one of the levers, and the top bit of the machine opened. "Whew," Star said. She stuck the metal in, and then looked at another lever. She tried to push it, but it wouldn't move. "Uh..."

In some situations, the best thing would be to give up and ask for help. But this was not one of those situations, as Mr. Smith was staring her down. So Star kept frantically shoving the lever, and it kept not moving.

"Hey, you're doing it wrong. Let me help," the girl from before said. "I've worked with a thing like this before."

Star glanced at Mr. Smith, who looked angry, but the girl kept offering her help. "I thought I was supposed to do this on my own..." she said.

"Oh, screw that. Hold on." She pulled the first lever Star had pulled. "That locks it into place, so it doesn't move around. And then you pull this up, here," she pulled up different lever from the one Star had been shoving. It moved up, and the metal was bent, sure as day. 

"Wow... it's like magic!" Star said, cheerful again.

"I mean, I guess. Name's Julia."

"I'm Star."

"I know. So do you always –"

"It – It is not  _ magic _ !" Mr. Smith growled. "It is the wonder, no, the  _ art _ of technology! You – Julia – you are not supposed to be helping her! She was to do this by herself!"

Star glared at him, and was about to open her mouth, but Julia pushed her back. "Mr. Smith, I just thought that perhaps our time was better spent learning about the machines in the shop instead of sadistically watching someone fail because they offended you. Just a thought."

Mr. Smith gaped. "You – you little brat! Detention for you, too!"

"I never did anything wrong!"

"You may think that... but it doesn't matter to me. I can send you to detention, and I will. Now –"

"That's so unfair! She was just helping me!" Star yelled. "Is it wrong to help people?"

"It's wrong to help some people," Mr. Smith said, getting up in Star's face. "There's always an exception to the rule. There is always an exception to everything! That's what you have to learn, little girl."

Star growled, and glared back.

"Look, I just saw someone in need and helped them. I'll take my punishment with dignity." Julia said, getting in between Star and Mr. Smith. "Let's just learn something, already!"

Mr. Smith backed down, but he gave Star the "I'm watching you" gesture. Star returned the favor, and Mr. Smith gave her more detention. Star groaned. "At this rate I'll have more detentions than not-detentions."

"Too bad. Well, next I suppose is the shear. Can you tell me what it does, Princess?"

"How can I make you see, I don't know anything about machines! Pick on someone else!"

"More detention for you, Miss Butterfly."

Star gaped. She sniffled, and then ran out of the classroom, crying.

To be fair to Mr. Smith, he did look surprised. But not apologetic.

* * *

Marcie was taking some pictures in the hallway when Star ran up to her. "Oh, Star, aren't you supposed to be – oh. The shop teacher stinks, doesn't he?"

"Yeah," Star said, shaking her hands sadly.

"That sucks. You know, he doesn't know everything about you. Like, that, y'know, you're a great friend. And that you can do anything you put your mind to."

"Yeah, I guess. I just don't do machines."

"That's fine. You'll be fine." Marcie was trying to be reassuring, but Star just sighed and looked away.

"I hate Mr. Smith?"

"Why not report him?"

"The school lets people like Skullnick teach, doesn't it? Think about our principal. Why would he object to Mr. Smith?"

"Ms. Skullnick never made you cry."

"I guess I'll report him. Don't know if it'll do anything, though."

And so they did. But when a "performance officer" came back to watch the class, Mr. Smith acted the part of a perfect teacher. 

And Star got even more morose. "We learned about the lathe today. I nearly got my hair ripped out, but Julia stopped me. Mr. Smith didn't even do anything, he just gave her detention. It sucked."

"Mr. Smith yelled at me. He hates me, I know it."

"Mr. Smith said I'm not worthy to be a princess. He says I'm not worthy of anything unless I can operate all the machines and I can't."

* * *

"Star, what if you... quit? There's still time."

"What? No! Mr. Smith is my fight. I need to do this! I need to make things better, like I did with Skullnick! For... for that nice girl in my class. Julia."

"What? You don't have to stay in a bad situation because someone else is staying in it. You can get out."

"But I... I want to make things better for her."

"You want my brutally honest opinion?"

"Well, no, but go on."

"She's getting in trouble because she's sticking up for you. You don't belong in that awful class, and it's clear. You're hurting everyone by staying in this bad situation."

"But... I still want to learn about machines."

"Hmm... maybe over the summer we can take you to some workshops or classes. I'm sure there's some somewhere. Echo Creek is a fairly big place."

"Oh... okay. But... I want to talk with Julia first."

* * *

They had an opportunity to talk during detention. Star was sweeping metal shavings off the floor while Julia changed the blade on the horizontal bandsaw. "So... I'm thinking of quitting Machine Shop."

"Oh thank god." Julia said.

"What? I thought you would be more... I dunno, upset?"

"No, I'm... I'm tired of sticking up for you, man. I mean, I don't regret sticking up for you, far from it. But I want to succeed in this class, you know? And we can still be friends, I mean, I'll willingly give you my number. But I think you'd be happier in literally any other class."

"Oh... okay! Yeah, let's be friends! I would love to be friends."

* * *

Star walked into the shop, humming to herself. "Hello, everyone!"

Mr. Smith sighed. "You're late, Miss Butterfly."

Star glanced at the clock. She was fifteen seconds late. "Well, Mr. Smith, I have something to say to you!"

"What?"

"I quit!" Star slammed a notice on the table. "Bye!"

* * *

"And so I quit! That felt so good!" Star said to Tom, over her mirror.

"That's great for you!" Tom said. "What class are you taking instead?"

"Photography. With Marcie!"

"Sounds nice. You'll have to work on your codependency issues later."

"Hah, I don't know what that means."

"Codependency? We're not codependent!" Marcie said, from behind Star.

"You would say that," Tom said, laughing. 

"Uh, excuse me!"

Star laughed, smiling brightly once again.

* * *

_ I quit shop! Diary, I quit! I slapped that notice down on Mr. Smith's precious table! You should've seen his face! He was mad, for sure. Julia high-fived me after class, and I never have to deal with Mr. Smith again. But... Marcie says she might want to take shop next year. _


	7. Star and Echo Creek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Star flees Echo Creek and meets a camp of other people who fled from society.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)

Star and Marcie had decided to eat out that night, instead of having Marcie or Rafael make dinner again. They sat under an umbrella at Britta's Tacos, a "Mexican" restaurant.

Marcie slurped her drink. "Hmm... authentic Mexican horchata isn't supposed to have dairy in it."

"So what? It isn't illegal to make horchatas with milk."

"Are you... are you sugaring your burrito?"

"Food is anarchy, my dude. Live by your own rules." Star took a bite. 

"Yugh," Marcie said.

Star held out the sugar. "Want some?"

"Keep your sacrilege off my taco!"

"Mmh," Star took another bite and started bouncing up and down. "Whoo! I feel alive! You sure you don't want some?"

"Eyyup."

"Whoo! Who's up for some fireworks?"

"Do  _ not _ see how that's a good idea."

"'Cause I totally want to make fireworks! Bright-Glow Pyro! Sparkling Spiral Noodle!" Fireworks burst out of Star's wand, exploding in the sky in bursts of bright light. "Radical Rainbow! Rainbow Glitter Unicorn Gnome Hat Kitty Bacon Hawaiian Nightmare!"

"Star, might wanna tone it down a notch!"

Star cackled, sending fireworks everywhere. Then one of her spells hit the taco logo on Britta's Tacos and it fell on a police cruiser, setting off the car alarm. Marcie gasped worriedly. Star gasped excitedly. "I blew up the sign! Yes!"

Marcie gaped. "Uh... uh..."

"Oh, the car? Don't worry, it's just a little dent. They won't notice."

Marcie grabbed Star and ran behind the taco building. "What the heck was that? I thought rainbows were made of light!"

"My rainbows are made of stuff, okay?"

"Okay, okay, okay... uh, you just smashed a police car. They hate it when one of their own gets hurt. Oh man, oh man. Well, at least you're white. But I'm not. Oh no, am I aiding a criminal? Calm down, Marcie. Calm down."

"What's the big deal, Marcie? I've smashed important things so many times. I'll just talk to my dad – he can't resist my puppy face – and he'll give them some crowns. Call it even."

"Things don't work like that on Earth! Though, you are admittedly rich and white. In a fair world you'd go to prison!"

"Like Saint O's? Already busted out of there, pal."

"It's worse than Saint O's. They give you just one bar of soap and you have to make it last one year. You gotta get up at four AM and make hashbrowns you're not allowed to eat. And they force you to wear orange jumpsuits every day."

"Orange?!" Star looked around the side of the building, where several officers were looking over the wreckage. "Oh no, they noticed the dent!"

"I guess I could visit you in prison once a month or whatever. Though maybe they'll assume I was the perp and lock me up! Oh geez. This is bad."

"There's only one thing left for me to do. I'm going to run away! And you'll chase after me, but let me get away, since I am faster than you. It's the perfect crime!"

"Wait, wait, wait. No, that's not... running is worse." 

"You can't stop me, Rule Girl." Star raced off.

"Star! Wait!"

"I'll contact you once I find a place to lay low!"

Star raced off, only to encounter two police officers talking. She ran away from them, and towards a lush private park. She ignored the "WARNING: HAUNTED FOREST!" sign and hopped the fence.

She looked around. The park was almost a jungle, with enormous trees the likes of which Star had never seen. "Wow. Who knew there were trees like this on the West Coast? I sure didn't. Welp, I'm sure if I find a good hiding spot, no one will ever find me here."

Star studied her surroundings. "Okay, Star. It's your first day in hiding. What do you do? I know, Star! You find shelter!"

Star summoned a giant bouncy castle. "Hmm... maybe too conspicuous. Maybe I need to find shelter elsewhere. Think, Star, think! Oh, that bunch of trees looks great!"

Star walked to the group of trees. She looked over the ground, collecting branches and twigs to use as a shelter. She piled them around a tree in a lean-to. "I think I did pretty good, if I do say so myself."

With an excellent sense of comedic timing, the lean-to fell over. "Ugh."

Star settled for taking shelter in a bush. Anything but sleeping out in the open. She shivered , and her wand provided a source of light and warmth, it was not enough for Star to be comfortable.

Somehow, she still managed to fall asleep.

She woke up to a group of birds pecking at her face and shoulders. Star couldn't identify the species, ornithology was never her thing, but they looked like hawks. And they were a deep, jewel-toned blue, which didn't sound right, but Star didn't know enough about Earth to dispute it. Also they had really sharp-looking talons, which were walking on and around Star.

She screamed.

One of the birds screamed back. And when I say screamed, it actually sounded like screaming. Multiple people, or possibly an entire city, all screaming in unison, in anguish and terror.

Star screamed more.

"Hey, hey, who are you and why are you scaring my birds?"

Star looked up and saw... a human. She was tall, with long dreadlocks tied back in a ponytail, and wearing a park ranger outfit that didn't fit her with what looked like... lace? stitched on the sleeves and the literally cut off shorts.

She was squinting suspiciously.

"Um... they just showed up."

"Yeah, they do that. They're supposed to keep threats out of our forest. Which usually works better if they just scream from a distance and convince you that someone's getting murdered. Which they didn't do in this case, cause they're birdbrains."

Star got up and out of the bush she had been sleeping in. "Well, that might not've worked on me, 'cause I like to think of myself as the heroic type. I'd go rescue whoever was screaming."

"Trust me, when all of these hawks scream at once, you'd hightail it out of here fast."

"Well, why would you do that? Why keep company away?"

"'Cause we're trying to hide out here. Can't have locals wandering in on us. And I'd imagine you're hiding out too, unless you were just sleeping in a bush in a 'haunted' forest for fun."

"Well, yes... wait, you were hiding out too?"

"Yeah. That's what this forest is for. People who don't quite fit in with the rules gotta hide somewhere, right?"

"I suppose... wait, if you're hiding out here too, can I come with you? Please, please, please?! I don't wanna be alone!"

The woman sighed. "Okay, come with me. I'll introduce you to the gang." She started walking, and the birds followed her.

"Gang?"

"Gang. Come along. By the way, though, my name's Brigid."

"Brigid. Okay, cool. My name's Star."

"I know who you are."

"Oh... really?"

"Yep. No worries, though, I won't give you up."

"Oh, okay! That's very nice of you."

"Pfft, I would never do that. Runner's code: if you're hiding away, you're safe with us. And I get it, by the way. If I had your mother, I'd want to run away too."

"Uh, that's not –"

"We're here." Brigid was gesturing to a rather nondescript patch of vines. Then she spun around in a circle and called "I'm Brigid, here with a potential new member!"

"I don't see anyone... whoa." The vines disappeared, and in their place huts and lean-tos and even a teepee popped out. People of all kinds were walking around. And I do mean all kinds of people: there were monsters of all kinds walking around, doing normal tasks like folding laundry and cooking meals over a fire.

"Wow," Star said, breathless. "Was that – was that  _ magic _ ? The thing hiding this village?"

"Yep. I'm taking you to meet our spellcaster. She'll decide where to put you."

Star followed Brigid to the center of the village, where stood a hut that was stable, but no more grand than to other houses. Brigid opened the fold of fabric that was its door, and beckoned Star inside.

Star walked inside and saw... paintings. Lots and lots of paintings. Some were finished and hanging up, while others were half-done and propped on easels. And in the center of the swarm of paintings was an elderly lizard woman, standing among the chaos. She had shoulder-length wavy dark purple hair with gray streaks, and a plain t-shirt and pants, green scales, and yellow five-petaled flower cheekmarks.

"You're definitely a spellcaster," Star gasped. "That's so cool! Do you use a wand? I use a wand. It's pretty great, yep! You seem pretty great. Who are you?"

"I'm... uh, Stella," the lizard lady said. Her face was impossible to read. "And you're Star.” It wasn't a question. Star nodded anyways. "Brigid, didn't I tell you not to bring Butterflys into our camp?"

Star looked down.

Stella met Brigid's eyes and cracked up. Brigid did as well. "Just having a joke, little one. You're safe here with us, even if it brings your mother down on our heads. We'll just have to cast stronger illusions."

"Wait, 'even if it brings your mother down on our heads'?"

"Well, yes. Moon Butterfly can be quite a  _ daunting  _ foe."

"I don't want my mom to hurt you."

"Don't worry. She won't. She's not as powerful as she thinks."

"Oh... but she will look for me?"

"Well, yes. High Queen Moon is very... protective of the ones she loves. But if you don't want her to find you, she won't. That I promise."

"Oh, okay. But, wait. Don't you want to know what I did? Before you welcome me in?"

"Oh. Sure. What did you do?"

"I kinda... well, I was with Marcie at Britta's Tacos and... and we were eating, and she was like 'Star, don't put sugar on your burrito," and I was like 'don't tell me what to do' and so I ate the burrito and I wanted to see some fireworks. And she's like 'Star, don't fireworks your burrito.' She's all 'do this' or 'don't do that', you know."

"Mhmm," Stella said, nodding along. She had experience with attentive listening.

"And basically I blew up a police car, so I'm fleeing the police."

"Aww, yeah, girl!" Brigid shouted enthusiastically. She then suggested that the police should do a rather dirty thing. I agree.

Stella frowned. "Sweetheart, that's not a very serious offense. Destroying a police car isn't all that bad."

"Don't tell her what to do!" Brigid shouted enthusiastically.

"Darling." Stella replied, fixing Brigid with a stare.

Brigid looked down and fidgeted with her ponytail. "Sorry, got too enthusiastic."

"That's okay." Stella turned to Star. "Are you sure you want to stay here? You have friends who miss you. This life is a hard one, and I'm not sure a little royal child such as yourself would enjoy it."

"Oh, I'm sure! I can do this!"

"In that case, you'll never be able to contact your family and friends again."

Lightning flashed, and it began to rain outside. Star was suddenly aware of how cold she was. "What...?"

"You can't contact your family and friends. I'm sorry, but you can't jeopardize our cover."

"What... but I want to see Marcie again!"

"Marcie? What about dear old Mummy?" 

Stella glared at Brigid. "That comment was out of line, sweetheart."

"Oh, sorry. I guess you didn't run from your mother after all. Sorry, you might actually have a good relationship with her. My apologies."

"Yeah, I dunno about a good relationship. But she's my mother. I want to see her again, you know?"

"Yeah, I guess I get it."

"So, sweetheart, are you sure you want to stay here?"

"But... if I leave, what if I blow your cover?"

"I can cast a spell that only allows you to speak of this encampment to people who already know."

"Oh, okay..."

"Before you decide, I have one last thing to show you."

"Oh?"

Stella grabbed a piece of paper from one of the many stacks in the tent. "Take a long look at this."

It was a missing poster. A missing poster with Star's face on it. "Your friends are looking for you, sweetheart."

"...oh." Star said. She'd been saying "oh" a lot. Es –  _ Stella  _ has that effect on people. A whirlwind of revelations, that one.

"You need to make your decision, sweetheart," Stella said gently.

Star looked up. "I think I want to leave. Seeing Marcie once a month is better than never seeing her at all."

"Good choice."

* * *

Star walked out of the forest. She was thoroughly filthy, covered in leaves and dirt.

Two police officers were looking into the forest. "I don't see anything," one of them was saying.

"Are those footsteps? Oh, wait, there's someone!"

Star sighed and put her hands up. "I surrender! Seeing Marcie whenever the prison guards allow it is better than never seeing her again!"

There was an immediate transition to the police station. "Marcie... You mean her?" the police officer asked.

Marcie woke up from her place on the sofa, covered in missing Star posters. "Huh? Star, you're okay!" She ran up to Star and hugged her. "We were so worried. How did you find her?"

"Actually, she came to us. You know, you shouldn't run away like that. You really worried your friend here. But luckily for you, we were gonna smash that old car anyways."

"What? You were?"

"At the annual police car demolition derby!" his partner supplied. Disgusting. You know the pigs have too much money when they're hosting demolition derbies. Or, even worse, wearing full body armor and gassing peaceful protesters. Really makes you think.

"I was really looking forward to smashing it," one of the police officers sighed. I've forgotten which.

"Phew! Well, if you won't be needing me, I'll just see myself out..."

"Just a moment, you're not getting off that easily."

Star laughed nervously.

* * *

Star wiped a sponge across the police car. She had been assigned to wash all the police cars. Every single one. And unnecessary manual labor for the police counted at community service. Say it with me: dis-gust-ing!

"Wow, you really can pull off jumpsuit orange," Marcie commented, watching her.

"I know, right? But enough of this manual labor." She grabbed her wand. "It's magic time!"

"Star, isn't that what got you into this mess in the first place?"

"No, Marcie. That was the Rainbow Glitter Unicorn Gnome Hat Kitty Bacon Hawaiian Nightmare spell."

"If ya say so." Marcie said, raising an eyebrow. She had practiced raising just one eyebrow for months just for this scenario, and she was halfway decent at it.

"Super Geyser Windstorm!" Star shouted, brandishing her wand.

The entire street flooded, causing all the cars to float in the water.

"Ooh, yeah, that was totally me. My bad. Nobody panic, I'll put it back."

* * *

_ I ran away and wf;AGRIGR RGAIOawgoroinfg fewoafr. Oops, I almost talked! I'm not allowed to say or write about what happened. Can't even tell Marcie, so you don't need to be jealous. Well, that was pretty much the only thing that happened when I left, so I can't say anything. Marcie's books taught me that I'd have epic adventures chock-full of revelations about my family history and chosen one status when I ran away, so I feel kinda cheated. I wonder if I'll ever see them again... Oh, I can say "them!" That's cool! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up, we meet a force of incredible destruction, suffering, and death, as well as a bunch of rats.
> 
> Wand to Wand: Star accidentally creates an evil cloud, and Ludo fights some rats.
> 
> Starstruck: Star introduces Marcie to her friend and idol, General Mina Loveberry.


	8. Wand to Wand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Star accidentally creates an evil cloud, and Ludo fights some rats.

Somewhere in the north of the Forest of Certain Death is a pub. That pub is a cheerful place, with cheerful customers. And one would love going there, as long as they did not have a fear of rats. 

Yes, rats. Large rats were the patrons of this tavern, and they ate porridge. They were drinking out of glass bowls and chittering to each other, and they seemed perfectly content. There were ills in Mewni, and they were punished for simply being monsters, but not in this pub. The door was too small for any Mewmans except the babies to get in, and the babies were not prone to discrimination, or finding themselves caught dead in a tavern such as this. You can imagine nice upbeat music playing if you'd like.

Did you know that rats are very intelligent animals? Even Earth rats can laugh, and these ones can do quite more than that. I like rats, they're good animals. But they'll soon get... kind of mean. Not without their reasons, of course, but still.

Because Ludo came inside (the nice, upbeat music screeched to a stop), standing on the spider and wrapped within the bird's wings. He looked suitably menacing, but ruined it when he opened his mouth and said "I'm glad you're open, I'm starving! I'd like some of your porridge, please." 

Typical Ludo.

The rat at the counter was a nasty-looking matted-furred creature with one red eye and covered in scars from stopping bar fights... most often caused by the stress of living under Ludo's reign. They snapped their fingers and a bowl of... ah, "porridge" appeared. Ludo started eating, but quickly put it down. "This is mud!"

The host rat snickered. The rest of the rats snickered. Everyone snickered. Everyone except for Ludo.

"That's not funny." He was... ugh, he was right. It really wasn't. Didn't stop the rats, though.

One of the rats pointed at his beard and laughed. In their language, he was laughing at how far Ludo had fallen from being the prince of the monsters. Ludo didn't understand that, but growled anyways. "That's enough!" he shouted, whipping out his wand.

Everyone quieted down immediately. Wands were expensive and dangerous objects, and, albeit unbeknownst to the rats, the one Ludo had was perhaps the most dangerous one of all.

"You messed with the wrong bird, rat! Face-Melting Death Ray!"

Nothing happened. "Huh?"

Hey, just because he's had a wand before doesn't mean he actually knew how to use it! He stole it from his father, it didn't exactly come with an instruction manual. He mostly just... well, that would be giving the game away.

But anyways, Ludo got tossed out hard. Literally thrown out of the bar. Then the eagle. Then the spider. And finally, luckily for Ludo, the rats threw the wand out, hitting him, unluckily for Ludo, square on the head with its rather sharp edges.

Ludo sighed, and stared at the wand.

* * *

Star stared at her wand. She focused a beam of magic into a bottle, putting a Mewnian warship inside. She breathed out and extended the sails and rigging.

"Star!" Marcie shouted.

Star gasped and jumped, sending the bottle flying and smashing into the floor.

"It's your turn to take out the garbage."

"Marcie! You've ruined my Mewni battleship!" Mewni  _ warship _ , Star. Get in right.

"Uh, don't you have enough ships in bottles?" Star  _ was _ standing in a mountain of ships in bottles. A whole fleet or more. It wasn’t enough. It could never be enough.

"Enough? I don't even know you."

"Come on, we promised Mom and Dad that we'd clean the house by the time they got back. And the garbage is all yours." Marcie left.

"Oh, fine," Star muttered. Her wand flashed green, as she summoned her talking cloud companion. "Summoning Cloudy Charm. Hey, Cloudy, could you take out the garbaaa..."

Cloudy was wheezing, and not paying attention to her at all.

"Uh, Cloudy, are you okay?"

More wheezing. Cloudy didn't even need to breathe.

Star shook her wand. "Uh, Cloudy?"

"Oh, hey Star. Didn't see you there."

"Uh, are you okay?"

"Oh, I'm perrrrfectly fine," Cloudy's eye fell out of place, and they glitched. Star didn't see it, but for a split second they seemed to be controlled by a dark green figure.

"Okay... could you take out the garbage?"

"Oh, sure! I guess your little princess hands hands are too delicate to touch garbage."

"What?"

"Oh, nothing," Cloudy grabbed the trash bag to Star's room and left, bumping into things as they went. "Excuse me. Pardon me. I got a mouthful of garbage."

Star frowned at her wand. "Huh."

* * *

Ludo frowned at his wand. "Hmm... I don't know, girls. Maybe this isn't what it looks like. It looks like a magic wand, and it definitely  _ feels _ waaay stronger than the Avarius Beacon, but..."

The spider tried to grab the wand.

"What did I say? Follow three feet behind me. Three feet! Anyways, this looks like a magic wand, but maybe it's just a fancy walking stick."

The spider grabbed at the wand again, this time successfully. Ludo tugged back, growling. "What are you doing? Put it down! No, bad spider!"

The spider started eating the wand. "No, let go, you nasty nasty thing! Let go of my... thing!"

The wand flashed green, and a green jet exploded outwards, burning both Ludo and the spider, but mostly the spider.

Ludo got up, and touched his cheek. Marks were glowing there – a pair of bat wings. He gasped. "What? Do it again!"

The bird bit Ludo's head. "No, not you! You stupid –!"

The bird threw Ludo. Just chucked him away. 

Ludo shrieked in anger. "I said NOT YOU, BIRD!" The wand glowed green once again, and Ludo was shot backwards.

He got up enthusiastically and raced towards the bird again. "Do it again!"

The bird did it again. Ludo crashed to the ground and raised his wand, blasting the bird away. He cackled, which was a rather loud and annoying sound. "It's working! Girls, it's working!"

The spider and the bird ran at him. "Oh, no no! No, I was kidding! Don't attack me!"

The spider grabbed Ludo with her silk. "Let me go! Please let me go!"

The bird picked him up and flew off. "Don't let me go!"

The bird let Ludo go.

Ludo yelled in anger.

* * *

Star yelled to attract attention. "Glossaryck?" she asked the book in front of her.

Glossaryck groaned from inside the book. "Ugh..."

Star opened up the book to reveal the little dragon sitting in a pool of a strange sparkly pink substance. "Oh no, what happened?"

Glossaryck pointed to his head. "I had an accident."

Good.

"Glossaryck!"

"Inside voices, PLEASE!"

"Oh, sorry. Glossaryck, there's something weird going on with my wand."

"Oh, what's wrong with it?"

"It's not doing what it's supposed to do."

"Look, Star, maybe there's something wrong with you. You ever think about that?"

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm not one hundred percent sure, just saying what the cosmos is telling me. I guess there's something wrong with everyone. I mean, look at me. I did magic on my face. You know?"

"No help as usual," Star sighed.

"It hurts everywhere!"

Star closed the book.

Marcie walked into the room. "Star, you're taking care of the garbage, right?"

"Yeah, no worries. I got Cloudy to do it."

"Uh, about that..."

Downstairs, Cloudy was making what could scientifically be called a huge mess. They were knocking around precious items and breaking furniture, and they still had a garbage bag in their mouth, and they were getting trash  _ everywhere _ . Cloudy giggled. "I don't know why I have so much energy today! Must be all that iced tea!"

Star's jaw dropped.

* * *

Ludo's jaw dropped. One would expect this, since he was talking. He was dismissing the spider and the bird, and going into the pub on his own. "No, girls, it's gonna get messy."

Ludo walked inside, kicked a rat off the front stool – despite the fact that there were plenty of chairs, rude – and sat down. He pushed away all rats near him for good measure. "A bowl of your finest mud, good sir!" At least he was being... polite.

The host rat blinked.

Ludo slammed some silverware on the table. "I can taste it already! Mmm!"

The host rat looked bewildered, but they snapped their fingers and summoned a bowl anyways.

Ludo... dumped the mud on his face, mouth open. It was even more disgusting than it sounds. The mud had worms and bugs and all kinds of gross things in it. It wasn't premium, Father-Time certified mud, that was definitely sure.

Ludo ate some of that disgusting mud, and dumped the rest on his beard. He wiped of maybe a thousandth of the mud with a hand that would be forever stained (it was his right hand, which would take lots of punishment in the future, but I'm getting ahead of myself).

Every single rat in the establishment stood up in unison, with one thought in their minds: get this  _ freak _ out of their pub.

Ludo stood on the counter. "Do your worst!"

* * *

Star stood on the stairs. "Cloudy!"

Cloudy thoroughly ignored her, and, horror of horrors, started to rain. They sent down some lightning and lit a chair on fire. "Whoopsie!"

"What's with them?" Marcie wondered.

Star didn't wonder. "Cloudy, you stop this right now!"

Cloudy didn't stop. They rode on a lamp like a horse, cheerfully yelling "Giddyup!"

"Are you listening to me?"

"Whee! Ah! Whoo!"

"Stop playing around and clean this all up!"

"Uh-oh, looks like someone's allergic to good vibes," Cloudy said, blasting wind in Star's face.

"Okay, that's enough! Sunshine friendship –"

"Ooh, sunshine friendship!" Cloudy mocked. "Uh-oh!" They said, knocking several bottles off the manelpiece. Bottles containing ships.

"My Mewni warships! That's it! Sunshine Friendship Spell!"

Star's wand glowed green, and blasted off the spell. Cloudy expanded in size. "Hey! That was sooo rude!"

Star and Marcie ran out of the house as Cloudy became a huge storm above the house.

Star laughed weakly. "Oops?"

* * *

Ludo laughed loudly. "Whoo! Keep it coming!"

The rats kept throwing punches. The spider and the bird ran in to help – after all, if the guy who beat them was beaten, they'd look like total wimps. But Ludo stopped them.

"No, girls, I'm fine," Ludo said, jumping out of the way of another punch. "Come on, hit me like you mean it!"

A rat used a mop that before that had been mostly used for cleaning – mostly – to smash Ludo into a wall. Ludo laughed. "Now you're really starting to tick me off!"

A dozen rats jumped on Ludo, punching and kicking. Ludo screamed in anger, trying to pull himself out of the knot of rats, but failing. The wand glowed. "Run!" Ludo shouted to the spider and the bird, and the wand exploded with green light.

Ludo aimed at the host rat, unleashing a green laser. He was flying through the air, the laser shooting him backwards with its force. 

He laughed and laughed and laughed.

* * *

Cloudy laughed and laughed and laughed. 

Star growled and set her stance. "Cloudy, you're out of control! Stop this now!" She aimed her wand at the floating cloud, aiming green blast after green blast at the floating cloud.

A tree fell, and Marcie narrowly dodged being crushed.

"That. Is. ENOUGH!" Star shouted, sending out a green blast from her wand that cut through Cloudy. 

"Hey! You poked my fluffies!" Cloudy opened their mouth and breathed in, suctioning the roof off the shed.

"I think you're making them worse!" Marcie shouted. Star thoroughly ignored her. "You gotta stop! St – AAAAHH!" Marcie was caught up in the air, spiraling around and around towards where Cloudy was still suctioning things into their mouth. "Star!"

Star looked up. "Marcie!" She closed her eyes and concentrated, and then she aimed her wand. This time, her wand glowed magenta. "Raspberry ribbon lasso!"

The spell pulled Marcie back to safety. "Thank you, Star! Solid ground! Blessed solid ground! Thank you!"

Star breathed in, and then jumped into the air. "Magic glow that I have spelled, may you henceforth be expelled!" Once again, it glowed pink.

Cloudy giggled as they shrunk back into the wand. Star landed on the ground, with nary a cloud – or a Cloudy – in the sky. "You okay, Marcie?"

"Yeah, thanks to you," Marcie replied, sighing in relief. Then she gasped. "Oh no... the house is trashed! What was  _ up _ with your wand?"

"I have no idea..." Star looked at her wand.

At that moment, Rafael Diaz chose to walk in on the scene. "Hey, kids, we bought you some ice cream for cleaning the hou –" He gasped.

* * *

Later, after a stern talking-to and with getting together to clean to their best effort, Rafael sighed and smiled, slowly becoming more like his usual cheerful self. "Oh, Star, it is always exciting with you around!"

"This'll take us all weekend to clean!" Angie said, cheerfully. I like to consider myself a cheerful person, in the sense that I'd smile while stabbing someone, but Angie and Rafael Diaz really have me beat.

"Oh, no, no, I've got this! Tidying Up Tidal..." Star trailed off. "You know what? Give me that thing." 

Star didn't know a thing about what that thing was – a broom – or what it was used for – sweeping up dust and debris from the ground and into a waste collector.

Growing up royal with servants to do all your cleaning for you will do that to a gal.

So, when she tried to use the broom, she used it upside-down.

Marcie sighed and turned it right-side up for her. 

"Oh, that's much better." Star smiled.

* * *

Ludo smiled. The pub burned around him, and the unconscious or worse bodies of rats carpeted the ground. He smiled and pointed his wand at the host rat, who was lying on the ground and shuddering. "Now... serve me some porridge."

* * *

_ My wand is screwed up! – _

_ My wand it working perfectly! – _

_ – It keeps doing weird stuff, like making the goo explosion and stuff, or making Cloudy all weird – _

_ – It's going to lead me to victory, I know it! It blasted away those rats like it was nothing – _

_ – I don't know what to do! – _

_ – I know exactly what to do! – _

_ – This is awful! – _

_ – This is wonderful! – _

_ – I wonder what's going to happen... _


	9. Starstruck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Star introduces Marcie to her friend and idol, General Mina Loveberry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LORE DROP!

"Heeey Marcie!" Star shouted, holding up a rolled scroll. "Guess whaaat?"

Marcie, who had been taking a nap on the couch, groaned and lifted her head. "What?"

"I got something for you!" She unrolled the scroll and handed it to Marcie.

"Uh, royal announcement that one Marcie Diaz of Earth has been cordially invited to the Butterfly Castle for... one whole day...! I'm going to Mewni! And, like, the interesting parts of Mewni, not the really existentially depressing ones like the slums or the Forest of Certain Death."

Star grinned, and punched Marcie's arm. "I got you to come while I was shadowing with Mom. You can do whatever you like in the castle. Raid the library, turn someone into bones, crash the economy. Whatever you want to do, you can do it."

"Uh, what was that middle one...?"

"Off topic! Anyways, am I the coolest friend or what?"

"You're definitely the coolest. Learning about Mewni for a whole day will be... really great!"

"Yeah, there's just one catch: you have to stay with me for the beginning of the day."

"Really? Why?"

"If I have to listen to boring petitions, you do too."

"Aww, okay, Star. But I'll still look stuff up in the library. Even with less than twenty-four hours to look, I'll find some cool stuff to check out."

"You'll have to make a library card."

"Oh, right... Hey, Star?"

"Yeah?"

"How come you've got all kinds of high-tech stuff and magic in the Castle, but your citizens live in hovels and bathe in mud and stuff like that?"

"That? It's because they aren't getting free handouts from the government."

"Handouts? Helping your citizens isn't handouts. It's called being a decent person."

"I mean, yeah, I feel like things are a little weird that way. I mean, I think Mewni maybe focuses on war instead of... everything else, you know, a little too much. But don't tell my mother I said that. She thinks a military occupation of the Forest of Certain Death is the most important thing, beyond anything."

"Huh. Mewni has societal problems. Who knew. Maybe you could change that, when you become queen."

"Don't remind me!"

They both laughed.

* * *

"Alrrrrright, do I look fancy enough for you, my dearrrrr Starrr?" Marcie said, rolling the "r"s. She was wearing a cream-colored dress of Star's that Star had magically changed to fit Marcie.

"You are in tip-top shape as usual, my dearrrr Marrrrcie!" Star replied, wearing a pink dress with her hair in a bun larger than her head. Marcie still didn't know how she managed that.

"Alrrrright, the porrrtal will open soon!" Marcie said. "Can I stop speaking in this prrretentious accent before your mother sees me and has my head cut off for mocking her?"

"I'm pretty sure she wouldn't do that," Star said, reverting to her normal speech. "Pretty sure. Okay, like fifty percent sure. Maybe forty-five. Hmm, I don't have much faith in my mother."

Marcie shrugged. A portal opened to Butterfly Castle's main hall. "After you, my dearrr Star," she said, bowing and resuming the pretentious accent (she would drop it in Mewni). I know about pretentious accents, I have a few in my name, but Star and Marcie's mocking of Queen Butterfly's accent was... excellent.

They stepped through the portal and into Butterfly Castle. Star looked around and saw... "General Loveberry!" she shouted, running to an armor-clad figure and raising her hand for a high-five. 

The figure looked at her. "Not right now, Star," she said, her voice slightly muffled by the helmet. "I'm busy."

"Busy with what?"

"Planning our next move. I'm on my way to the strategy room as we speak."

"Ooh, can I come?"

"You know what? Sure. I'll vouch for you. You're going to be the future queen, after all. But your friend needs to stay out. It's confidential business."

"Oh. Marcie, is that...?"

Marcie just grinned and gave her a thumbs up. "It's good. This'll get me out of listening to your petitions all day, and this way I can go to the library."

"Okay! I'll summon a butler or whatever to bring you to the library. Have fun!"

"Come on, Star! Time's a-ticking!"

"Will do!" Marcie replied, and the two went their separate ways.

* * *

"Library, library...hmm." Star had run off without summoning a butler "or whatever" and Marcie was trying to find her own way to the library. She kept running into different people. Some of them were helpful, pointing her in the way to the library, while others brushed Marcie off without so much as a glance in her direction. Everyone seemed to be busy. The entire castle seemed to be on high alert.

"I'm so tired of being on high alert!" a squire was saying to another squire. "It's exhausting!"

Marcie hung back, away from notice. This could be interesting.

"Yeah, no kidding. We've been pulling double shifts for half a year now. What is Queen Moon so afraid of?"

"Don't ask me, I don't know! All I heard was that a window in Queen Moon's bedroom shattered, and she's somehow afraid of it now."

"I heard that the princess blew up her own wand. And if we're being overworked because of that reckless brat, I swear –"

"Star's not that bad!" Marcie interrupted. "Uh. Sorry. But sure, she's reckless, but she's gotten a lot better. And blowing up the wand wasn't her fault."

"Who are you?" one of the squires asked irately. "And what do you know about the princess?"

"Uh, I'm Marcie Diaz, and, uh... She's kinda my housemate? That is, we're friends. Best friends. I know a whole lot about her, actually."

The squire snorted. "A likely story! Prove it!"

Marcie got out her phone. "See?" she said, showing them photos of her and Star hanging out together. "We're BFFs. At least, she's my best friend on Earth."

"What is this magical picture device?" one of the squires murmured, staring into the phone, entranced. He had dark brown skin and hair, and was wearing slightly shoddy armor.

The other one scratched her head. She wore highly polished but still basic armor, and sported red hair and pale skin. "That does look like the princess to me," she muttered, also entranced.

"Okay, you can stare at my phone when we don't have a time limit. I need to ask you some questions."

"Anything for you, oh bearer of the magic 'phone'!" the male squire said, bowing. "You must be a person of note in your home dimension, if you know the princess and are the bearer of such an object!"

"Okay, first question. Don't you have mirrors on Mewni? That act somewhat like phones?"

"Yes, but they are only for the very high and noble. If I were to become a knight, I might have one someday."

"Yeah, right! And your own pair of dimensional scissors, too!" the female squire laughed.

"What, like these?" Marcie got out the scissors.

The squires gasped. "How did you get those?"

"The Pegasus crown princess gave them to me."

"Wow..."

"Second question: what's your names and pronouns?"

"Oh, I'm Steelbert. He/him, though I don't know why you'd ask that. It's fairly obvious," the male squire replied.

"Must be some extra-dimensional greeting ritual. I'm Higgs, she/her. It's really nice to meet someone who's friends with the princess. Could you maybe put in a good word for me? Let her know I exist and want to be the best knight I can be?"

"Uh, sure. Third question, where's the library?"

"Over that way. There's a sign, for those who can read, and a café. You can't miss it."

"Okay. Fourth question –"

"There's a fourth question? That's unusual."

"What?"

"Usually it's 'answer these questions three'. Having four is... untraditional."

"Yeah, well, I got four. Fourth: I heard you talk about things being on high alert and stuff like that. Could you perhaps tell me what's going on?"

"Well... uh, sure. You'll find out anyways, right? So, here's the deal..."

* * *

Mina pushed Star inside the meeting room. "Go on, this is urgent. It's always urgent. Go on, that's it. Queen Moon! I brought in your daughter to show her the ropes. She should be attending these."

Moon sighed. "Mina, you know I don't want Star to –"

"You, your mother, and her mother, and so on going as far back as I can remember – and I can remember quite a lot – have attended these meetings. Star is no different. You can't shelter her forever."

Moon and Mina stared at each other. For a rather long time. Star flapped her hands anxiously. I'm dragging this on to give an impression of length.

Moon finally sighed. "Okay, Mina. Star can join us. Let's get back to the meeting."

Mina nodded, and then pulled her helmet off, revealing a head of purple hair tied in long bun-ponytail-combo-things, green eyes, and a set of purple cheekmarks in the shape of swords.

Star stayed by Mina and stared at the assembled crowd. "Uh, hi. What were we talking about?"

Moon sighed. "Well, we'll have to catch you up. Star, I did not send you away to Earth on a whim. I sent you because –"

"I know, I was too much of a handful and exploded a few too many rainbows. I get it."

"No."

"What?"

"That's not why I sent you away. It was never because I thought you were a handful. Plenty of queens have been a handful, and they were never sent away."

"Really?"

"Yes, Star. I was a handful too at your age. But let's put this to the side. The reason I made you go away... well, it was because, the night before you left, someone snuck out to the edge of the castle and sent an arrow through my window. We know they were there because they left footprints."

"Which was rather sloppy of them, if it's who we think it is," Mina muttered.

"I know your theories on this, Mina. But the footprints aren't the key here. What is key is the arrow they sent through my bedroom window. The arrow had a message on it: 'Watch your daughter. Sincerely, TFOE'."

"Oh..." Star reflected. "So... you sent me away because you were afraid for me."

"Yes." It was a simple response, but it shattered all the built-up resentment and expectations she had about her parents. No longer were they infallible beacons of strength, or annoying immovable blocks on her road to glory. Something had  _ scared _ them.

"So... who sent the arrow through the window?"

"Probably a monster," Mina replied. Moon made to stop her from continuing, but Mina raised a hand to stop her. "Ah, ah, I know you want to shelter your precious pansy, but this is important destiny stuff here. The monster we're searching for is a very specific one. Calls themself 'The Forces of Evil'. They're pretty famous. And very, very dangerous. We're lucky they were only aiming to send a message, or... well, you would be queen now."

"That's an exaggeration." Moon glared at Mina.

"No, it really isn't."

Moon looked around to the rest of the room, looking for people to back her up. But even River sided with Mina. And Mina continued: "Look, Star... the Forces of Evil are very dangerous. They've stalked Mewmanity ever since... well, ever. Generations of queens have tried to stop their reign of terror, but they never succeeded. The last sighting of them was... early in Moon's career. They haven't been seen since. And I doubt it was a coincidence that they showed up the night before you got your wand."

"Oh... because I'm supposed to defeat them."

"'Cause them to die' was the exact wording," Moon said. "But... yes."

Star frowned. And then she smiled. "Yes! Glossaryck wasn't expecting me to defeat a vague force, he was asking me to kill a  _ person _ ! A person, I can kill. Just point my wand at that sucker, and poof! Gone!"

"I doubt pointing a wand at them will be the end of them, Star."

"Or whatever. Maybe I'll do it with a sword. Or maybe I'll use my bare hands. Whatever. Point is, I can kill them."

Mina slammed her hands on the table. "Kill them? Even the great Queen Solaria the Monster Carver couldn't kill them! How do you expect to do it?"

"I dunno... maybe I'll get lucky?"

Mina snorted. "Sure. Lucky. That'll work."

Star shrugged. "I dunno, I don't really know how else I'm supposed to 'cause them to die.' Or maybe I'll grow up to be a super-warrior! Super strength, super speed, super magic! Maybe I'll be able to fly! My mewberty wings should grow in by then."

Mina sighed. "Look, I'll train you with a sword every few days if you'd like. But I don't hold out great hope."

Star frowned. And then she thought of Marcie, and what she would want to know. "So, uh, the Forces of Evil... they know about me? Seems like... something you'd want to keep, you know, secret."

Moon nodded. "That's... well, when we first heard from Glossaryck that you'd be the one to kill them, we immediately said that no one could know, lest the Forces of Evil hear about it. But then he said... he said 'Don't worry about that! They already know. And they're not worried.'" 

Star frowned. "How? How did they know?"

"We don't know. But Glossaryck has never told a lie so far. I'm not sure he even knows how."

Star hesitated... and then nodded. "Well, you've caught me up! Tell me what you're planning!"

"It's rather boring work, I'm afraid," River said. "The squires are complaining that being on high alert is terrible for their stress levels, we're sending a few more squads to search the Forest of Certain Death and the Mountains of Incurable Anguish, but we doubt they'll find anything. The Forest is mapped out thoroughly, and the Mountains are just as foggy and confusing as ever. No one ever comes back from there the same."

"Then why don't you send more squads in! That's obviously where they're hiding!" Star was close, but based off the point in time they were in, no. The Forces of Evil were away on... business.

"It's not that simple, Star!" One thing about River is, despite sometimes acting like it, he was not stupid. He knew to be serious when the time was right, which made him acting serious all the more powerful. So when Star noticed his grave manner, she listened. "The Mountains of Incurable Anguish are steep and treacherous. Fog rolls in and twists you away from your path. And the path itself twists and turns in the fog... only the desperate would hide there. Finding someone in that wicked maze would be like finding a needle in a haystack in... a very foggy place. So foggy that you can't see your hand in front of your face."

"Sooo.... use a fog-clearing spell. I'm sure there's one around here somewhere."

"The fog is resistant to magic!" That was Moon this time. "It's either cast by a very strong spellcaster or is otherwise magical in origin. I assure you, every single thing you can think of to search the Mountains of Incurable Anguish has already been thought of. If it is the hiding place of the Forces of Evil, they either have a powerful spellcaster with them, or... they are a powerful spellcaster. I don't know which is worse... that they are powerful in themselves or that they have powerful friends."

They have both.

"That's... okay. What do I do about that?"

" _ You _ don't do anything, Star. You are still a child. Instead, you study hard, work hard with Glossaryck. Leave being the queen to me."

"Oh... okay."

The rest of the meeting passed with Star in silence. She tried to pay attention for Marcie, but Marcie would already have lots of things to think about. And the rest of the meeting was just as boring as River had suggested. And Star was still kinda mad at her parents. Stony silence can have more than one reason.

She finally got out of the meeting and wandered over to the library. She found Marcie sitting in a corner, teaching two squires to read.

"Oh, Princess Butterfly!" one of the squires shouted as she got close, standing at attention. "My deepest apologies for not being at my post, I was just escorting Lady Marcie here to the Royal Library. Then she said she could teach me to read, and... uh..."

"It's fine," Star said tiredly. "Hey Marcie..."

"Hi, Star! Sorry I didn't get much done, I got in a conversation with these two, and, well... how did the meeting go?"

"It was... informative. I dunno if I'm allowed to share it with you, but I don't really care. Mom can go stick it. You two can listen in too, I dunno if you know about it already."

"Whatever 'it' is... probably not. No one tells us squires anything," Higgs sighed. "Even when it would help us do our jobs." 

Star explained it. And explained, and explained. It was a long story and the squires needed some context. I'm again lengthening my sentences to imply length of time.

When she was done, Marcie blinked. "Wow... huh. I need a moment to take it all in."

"Yeah," Star sighed. "And apparently even Solaria couldn't defeat them. And Solaria was my super dangerous warrior ancestor, so they must be super powerful."

"Huh... I get the feeling I've heard this "the Forces of Evil" before. Something seems familiar about it. 'The Forces of Evil...' 'TFOE' ...I'll get it eventually."

"Yeah, I feel like there's something we're missing."

"Well, let's keep looking for it!"

"Yeah!" Higgs and Steelbert said. "Uh... do we get a vote?"

* * *

_ I made some friends today! Or, rather, Marcie made them. I attended a meeting that was interesting in the beginning but quickly turned dull. But I learned a lot. Did you know that 'the Forces of Evil' is a person, Diary? They're apparently a person, who I can kill. All I need to do is kill them and then BOOM! Destiny over. Ta-da! That makes me feel pretty good. This day was pretty awesome, now that I think about it! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i give you three guesses on who the forces of evil is and the first two don't count
> 
> Next up:
> 
> Starsitting: Star babysits Yvgeny's tadpoles.
> 
> On the Job: Buff Frog leaves his tadpoles with Star and goes to find a source of food.


	10. Starsitting

Star slid down a slide. "Whoop, whoop! Again! Again! Again! Again! Aga –"

A truly enormous six-sided die crashed down on Star and Marcie where they were standing on what looked to be a giant game board – something like Chutes and Ladders or Candyland. They dodged the die, and it settled on a two. "Two!" Marcie shouted. She moved forwards two steps and then walked upwards on a stair. "Hey, Star, I was reading some of the books I got from –"

"That's boring, Marcie. Also stairs are boring." Star said as the dice rolled again. It rolled a six.

"Hmm... six," Marcie said eruditely. Or at least, that's what she thought it was. It had been a word in her Word of the Day calendar, and she wanted to use it somewhere.

Star hopped forward. "Oooonnnee.... Twwwooo... Aaaah – Threeee... Fooouuuurrr... Fuh-fuh-fuh-five!" She stopped, as the five was at a slide.

"Uh, siiix?" Marcie posed.

"I don't want to go six. I want to go five."

"You rolled six, therefore you go six. Them's the rules."

"If the rules get in the way of having fun, what's the point?"

"Sing it, sister," Star replied from above. You can imagine the camera panning up, revealing Star and Marcie playing a board game with miniature versions of themselves. Not cardboard cutouts, actual flesh-and-blood miniatures. I'd use this in a case study of magical ethics, but Star tended to fall asleep whenever that was so much as mentioned.

Tiny Marcie crossed her arms. "The point is to use the steps to get to the end."

"Sorry, but I'm gonna have to agree with this beautiful little gal here," Large Marcie said, mimicking Tiny Marcie's crossed arms. 

"Oh, stop it," Tiny Marcie said, giggling.

"Oh, you stop it," Marcie replied. Flirting with a miniature version of yourself. Must be really strange, not that Marcie thought about things like that. "So... Star, I was thinking about yesterday, and I did check out some books at the library. I haven't read them yet, I'm gonna get through the spellbook first, but –"

A portal opened into Star's room, and Yvgeny, also known as Buff Frog, stepped out. 

"Buff Frog?" Marcie gasped. 

"Buff Frog!" Star crowed.

Toffee! There, I can say names too!

"Where did you get dimensional scissors?"

"These are Ludo's. I found them in ruins of Castle Avarius, along with compact mirror. They is very useful... anyways, I have job for you." Yvgeny reached through the portal and pulled out a baby pram full of tadpoles.

"Buff babies!" Star gasped. She grabbed the board game they were playing and closed it, ignoring the screams of the miniature Star and Marcie. Magical ethics, again.

"Star Butterfly, I am needing your help! My babies. Please be babysitting them!" 

Star just cooed. "Babies..."

Yvgeny groaned. "I don't know anyone else to ask!"

Star giggled. "Oh, don't worry about it. I'm basically the crown princess of Babystittonia, right Marcie?"

The aforementioned compact mirror rang, and Yvgeny got it out. "Excuse me. Ja?"

"You've never babysat before, right?" Marcie said to Star.

"Nooo... but I was a baby once."

Buff Frog muttered to his phone. "Yes, I bring weapons. What am I, tadpole?"

"It's not that easy, Star."

"Yes, I bring torture bag as well. See you soon," Yvgeny closed his compact. "Star Butterfly. Here is Binder. All of babies' schedules and informations inside." He handed Star a large three-ring binder with all sorts of pages and plastic dividers and other binder stuff inside.

Star nodded and handed the Binder (yes, it deserves the capital letters) to Marcie.

Yvgeny picked up one baby in particular – the smallest of the bunch – and blew kisses to her. "Oh, Katrina, my most delicate glassy pearl. Please be extra careful with her. She is runt, unfortunately."

"It'll be just fine. Star and I got this handled."

"Yes, just like a suitcase. Totally handled."

"Take good care of them... or else."

Marcie gulped. Star just kept grinning.

"Okay, Daddy will come get you after work. Six o'clock sharp. Be good and listen to babysitters." Yvgeny sniffled.

"Are you crying?"

"No... it is just very hard to leave babies."

"Well, bye!"

"Star!"

"Goodbye!" Yvgeny exited through the portal.

Star turned to the babies. "Ooh, so young and full of dreams. What adventures will we take you on?"

"A nap." Marcie responded, looking through the binder.

"What?!"

"We follow the instructions Buff Frog gave us, and they nap. And maybe, while they're napping, we can talk about –"

"Then this will be a nap they will never forget!"

Marcie handed Star the binder. "Just read me what the book says."

"Fine... Boris, Alexi, and Anastasia sleep on their backs..."

"Mm-hmm."

"Dimitri, Igor, and Ana prefer their stomachs, while Mikhail, Leo, and Irina sleep on their right sides..."

"Mm-hmm. You're doing great, Star."

"Aw, thanks! Nadia and Sergei sleep on their left sides, Katrina is delicate and must be held to sleep."

Marcie handed Star Katrina. Star cooed. "Aww, I got you lil' babe. Okay, what now?"

"They sleep, and we feed them."

"And theeen?"

"They sleep."

"And theeeeen?!"

"They sleep again. That's it. They just sleep."

"Oh, come on! Where's the fun in that?"

"It's not about fun, Star. It's about caring for the babies."

"But babies need fun!"

Marcie imitated Yvgeny. "No. Babies have routine and schedule."

"Ugh."

"Now you keep and eye on them, I'll make them lunch."

"Hey, no fair!"

"You want to make twelve lunches?"

"...I'll watch the little bits. Aww, they're so cute! Just one boop!"

"Star, no booping. Just watch."

Star sighed. "Just watch..."

"Okay, let's see here... feeding, feeding, feeding... feeding." Marcie leafed through the binder until she got to the feeding section. "Ugh..." The 'food' she had to prepare... it was generous to call it food. Baby food is like that, and rules were rules. Marcie shrugged and started working.

Star, meanwhile, was struggling with all her might not to boop. "Aww, precious little babies! Especially you, little Katrina-kins."

Katrina yawned, and Star squeed.

"You just want to be boopity-booped," Star looked around for Marcie, and, seeing nothing, started to boop. "Okay... just one boop... then I – No! But she's soooo cute! I just gotta..." Star booped Katrina. Booped her right on the nose.

Katrina let out a ribbit.

Star gasped as the other babies started to croak loudly, waking from their naps and bouncing up and down.

"Star, is everything okay in there?" Marcie asked, walking into the room. She saw... Star was lying on the ground and groaning, bouncing and croaking babies in her arms. "I booped, Marcie! I booped so bad!"

"It's okay, I got Buff Frog's binder. 'To stop croaking, feed babies lunch.' Ah, that's easy. I got lunch all ready in the kitchen."

"Oh, my babies gotta eat!" Star gave Marcie the tadpoles and raced to the kitchen. She looked at the bottles of baby food. "What? No way. My babies aren't eating this slop!"

"Star, hurry up in there!"

"Aaall ready!" Star said, putting her wand away. "Got food for my babies, food for my babies-oh-oh-oh!"

Star gave each of the babies their food. And instead of the green mixture Marcie had prepared, the food that entered the babies' slime casings was pink with sprinkles.

"Uh...  _ Star _ , what did you put in there?"

"Cake!"

"Cake?! You can't give babies cake!"

"What? Fun, Marcie, remember? Fun!"

Heh-heh. Star's very lucky Marcie is there and not me, because I... I would have killed her, then and there.

The babies each spat out their bottles, but the damage was done: their outer membranes were stuffed with cake. They started hopping up and down vigorously.

"You guys like fun, don't you wittle guys? Fun!"

A tadpole burped, and then spat out cake in Star's face. Marcie grabbed the tadpole and tried to direct the stream of cake away from people, but all she succeeded in doing was knocking things off shelves with the stream of cake. "No, no, no, no!"

"Oh, wait. Don't do that!"

"No, really?" Marcie asked, sighing. "We gotta call Buff Frog!"  _ And tell him how incompetent you are,  _ she did not say. Marcie is nicer than that. I, however, I would have said that immediately.

"No! I told Buff Frog that I was the crown princess of Babysittonia!"

Marcie sighed, thoroughly covered in barfed-up cake. "We're doing this by-the-book, then." She reached for the Binder, and leafed through it a bit. "It says they need a bath!"

"Okay. You get the babies, I got the bath. Squeaky clean bath beam!" A bathtub slammed down on the table, crushing it.

"I got one!" Marcie tripped and fell just as she said that. Ouch. The baby fell out of her hands and slid around the bath, slowly gliding to a stop on the rim. Then they threw up more cake, the momentum of which sent them out of the tub.

"Dang it," Marcie muttered.

"This isn't working!" Star popped out of the bathtub. I would wonder how she got there, but it's Star. Best not to question it. Then her compact rang. "It's Buff Frog! What do I do, what do I do?!"

"Answer it!"

"I don't wanna answer it!" Star looked to the babies, who had formed a line and bounced to the music. "Aww, they're dancing to the music!"

Marcie did not have qualms about taking advantage of the situation. "Quick! Get them into the tub!"

Star continued to play music as she coralled all of the babies into the tub and washed them down. Star looked at all of the buff babies as Marcie dried them off with a towel. "This is so cute! I gotta send Buff Frog a photo! Say 'Co-o-ooorn!" Star took a picture. "'We miss you, Daddy! We're counting on you!' Aaaand send! You know, Marcie, you're pretty good at this."

"Thank, I just used the ol' trusty Binder. Now, Star, can we talk about your –"

Marcie was interrupted by one of the tadpoles... spontaneously growing legs.

Star gasped. "Legs! Legs! Leeeegs!"

"There's not a chapter in the Binder about growing legs!"

The tadpoles did not care about what was in the Binder. They grew legs as much as they wanted. Almost all of them. And suddenly there were a dozen tadpoles all bouncing around on legs.

"They're all growing legs!" Star shouted, stating something we already figured out. Star is one to be late on the uptake.

"Quick!" Marcie shouted. "Catch them!"

"Aww, they've all got legs but little Katrina. She feels left out." Star held Katrina up and stared into her eyes. "So sad..."

"Never mind Katrina! Do something!"

"Fine!" Star placed Katrina gently on the mantel. "Stay put, little buttercup. I'll be back soon."

Marcie growled and leapt at a group of babies. "Gotcha – augh! Ow, ow!"

"Don't play too rough now. Have some fun," Star reminded Marcie.

Marcie did not take the reminder. "Fun?! This isn't fun! This is – augh!" The tadpoles pooled their strength and lifted Marcie up and out through the front door. They dropped Marcie on the front step and then closed the door, locking it. "Hey! Let me in!"

The tadpoles raced up the stairs, Star following them. Then they slid down the banisters, Star sliding down as well. Then they raced up the stairs again, then slid down the banisters, Star following. Then they – you know what? I think you got the picture.

Marcie looked in a window and saw her parents' treadmill running, with several tadpoles running on top of it. She climbed in through the window, landing on the treadmill. She started running to avoid being sent flying into the wall.

A tadpole hopped on the "increase speed" button. "No, no, no, no, no!" Marcie shouted.

Marcie was sent flying into the wall.

Wacky hijinks aside, that looked like it hurt. And treadmills are very dangerous. I don't generally allow them in my houses. Ellipticals can stay, but they're on thin ice.

Star slid down the banister again, barely bothering to chase after the tadpoles. "Wheee! Wheeee! WheeeeeeEEEEeeee!"

Marcie, with a large bruise forming on her back, walked into the room. "Star! Quit messing around! Buff Frog will be back in... twenty minutes?! We have to get these babies under control!"

"Relax, Marcie. We got this. You take care of the ones with legs, and I'll take care of... Katrina?! She's not there! We have to find her!"

They checked everywhere – the kitchen, Marcie's room, the bathroom, the closets... she wasn't there.

"There's only one room left in the house."

Star blasted down her door, a tad unnecessarily. Blowing up things like that can only be... an issue.

The two of them looked around Star's room. It was a tall tower, full of nooks and crannies that a tiny tadpole could easily slip into and hide. "We'd need an army to search your room!"

"Good idea!" Star raised her wand. "Hey, babies! I hope those legs can shimmy, shimmy, shimmy!" The wand played "Space Unicorn" and the babies gathered and started dancing.

"It's working! Now what?"

"Give them their marching orders!"

"Alright, babies... uh, line up!"

"Marcie, make it fun."

"Hey babies, wanna learn a new dance? First shimmy your leg like this!" Star and I took a few pictures. This was  _ priceless _ . "Ah, ah, ahl-right! No-o-ow pose! Great, great! Now back it up! Back it up and spin! Noooow look for your sister under the nearest object!"

They did. One moved forward and gestured to Marcie with one of its feet. "I think they found something!"

"Katrina!"

Katrina indeed was there. At the top of the tower, Katrina was sleeping peacefully... behind a row of... "Star, why do you have so many bear traps?"

"You're afraid of talking to Jackie Lynn Thomas but you're not afraid of bears? I don't understand you, Marcie."

"Uh... how are we going to get to her?"

"We use the Binder," Star said, grabbing the Binder from... hammerspace, probably.

"What?"

"We use the Binder!" Star threw the Binder towards the bear traps.

Marcie dove for the Binder with an overdramatic "NOOOOO!"

The sound of several bear traps snapping and clanging shut, aaand end scene.

* * *

"Babies!" Yvgeny said as he entered through a portal. He was covered in scrapes and bruises. "Something looks... different about you. I cannot tell what is."

"They grew legs!" shouted Star and Marcie.

The babies ran for Yvgeny. "Oh..." He started to sob.

"What's wrong?"

"Missed baby tadpoles grow legs," Yvgeny said miserably. "Most important stage of child development."

"Well... little Katrina hasn't grown her legs yet," Star said, showing him Katrina.

"My little late bloomer!" Yvgeny cried.

Katrina, at that exact moment, chose to sneeze and grow a thick pair of muscle-bound legs larger than the tadpole herself.

"Come to Papa!" Buff Frog cried out, offering his open arms. Katrina took a few hesitant steps forwards, then raced forward into her father's embrace. Buff Frog giggled. "Boop!"

All the tadpoles got on their father's shoulders.

"Bye, little Katrina-kins," Star said, waving.

"Don't forget the Binder," Marcie said, offering it to him. Several bear traps fell to the floor with loud clanging sounds. "Look, we added a chapter!" She leafed through the binder to the new chapter, which was filled with pictures of the tadpoles, plus legs, and Star and Marcie, all posing together.

"Aww, thank you, Star Butterfly and Karate Girl. I will remember this like something I will never forget." Yvgeny opened a portal and left, plus babies.

"I like that guy," Marcie said.

"Yeah, me too," Star replied.

* * *

Tiny Marcie slid down a slide. "Woo-hoo!"

"You know," Marcie said. "Sometimes you do have to forget the rules and have some fun."

"You can't forget them completely, though. They make the fun that much sweeter!"

"You think they'll ever get that?" Marcie wondered, gesturing to the bigger Star and Marcie above them. Oh, did I forget to mention that they were a game, playing a game? Because I might have. Apologies.

Large Marcie and Star were fast asleep. Marcie never got to talk about the books she checked out.

"Give them time. They're still young."

* * *

_ I had so much fun today, Diary! Buff Frog came by with his little buff babies! We babysat them while he did some mysterious job. We had so much fun! The babies grew legs, which kinda freaked us out, and then we had to chase them around and Katrina went missing and it was exhilarating! I had lots of fun. _

_ Marcie seemed kinda down, though. She seemed to want to talk to me about something – probably stuff about my destiny. Ugh. I do not want to have that conversation. I hope she stops soon. I hate it when people find out about my destiny. It's so annoying, they get all weird. And the new information we got seems only to have encouraged her. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little did Star know, Marcie just wanted to talk about which book she should read first


	11. On the Job

On Mewni, in a quaint little house in the swamp, Yvgeny took care of his little tadpoles. He rocked them to sleep, he read to them, he fed them – wait... the house didn't have any food. Yvgeny searched all over, but he couldn't find any food anywhere. 

Yvgeny sighed. He took out the compact he had gotten from Ludo's castle and called Boo Fly, who had, ah, "borrowed" the compact from a Mewman noble. The Mewman noble had likely not even noticed the compact was gone, he had a million of them all over. But the point was, Boo Fly had a compact and Yvgeny could call him.

"Oh, hey Buff Frog! Long time no see, man! I heard you have kids now."

"Yes, twelve little babies. Very hungry. I heard you're hiring for a job."

"You sure you're up for it? You've been out of the game for a while."

"Oh, don't worry about me! I am just as... resourceful as ever." He cackled menacingly while rocking his babies to sleep. Not to judge or anything, but the two actions kind of clashed.

* * *

"It'll be just fine. Star and I got this handled."

"Yes, just like a suitcase. Totally handled."

"Take good care of them... or else."

Marcie gulped. Star just kept on grinning.

"Okay, Daddy will come get you after work. Six o'clock sharp. Be good and listen to babysitters." Yvgeny sniffled.

"Are you crying?"

"No... it is just very hard to leave babies."

"Well, bye!"

"Star!"

"Goodbye!" Yvgeny exited through the portal.

On the other end of the portal, Yvengy continued to sniffle. "Come on. Pull yourself together. Who's meaner than you? Nobody!" He stood up straight, and walked forward. "Forward march! Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup!"

In another part of the forest, a dogbull (named Kevin, because of course he is) was bench-pressing a tree. "Buff Frog?"

"Buff Frog." Boo Fly responded.

"Buff Frog Buff Frog?" Kevin asked.

"Buff Frog Buff Frog." Boo Fly responded.

" _ The _ Buff Frog?"

"Actually, it's Yvgeny Bulgolyubov," Yvgeny said, arriving on the scene, which was improved one hundred percent by his presence.

"What?" asked Kevin. Spoilsport.

"Guys, welcome the newest member of our team."

"This guy? He looks a little... soft, to me."

"Soft?" Buff Frog snarled. He growled and flexed his muscles.

"Ooh," said a porcupine monster. Sorry, I haven't introduced everyone. There's Kevin, Boo Fly, a porcupine monster called Sarah, and a bird/turtle monster named Jordan.

"Ahh, whatever," Kevin muttered. "Last time he got his hands dirty, he was changing diapers." And then he laughed, a nasty little giggle of a noise.

Yvgeny grabbed Kevin. "You want me to change your diaper?"

Kevin gasped, and then growled. But before he could do anything, Boo Fly shoved between the two fighting monsters. "Guys, guys, guys! We're all on the same team here. We have work to do."

* * *

Boo Fly's team looked at the rat pub, where a rat furtively handed an ear of corn to another rat.

"Corn..." whispered all of the monsters. Several stomachs rumbled.

"Wait," Yvgeny realized. “Only Mewmans have corn. How rats have corn when monsters are starving?”

"That's what we're here to find out," Boo Fly said, grinning.

"In that case, let's get show on road."

The pair bumped thumbs. "Thumbie-bumpies!" they both said. As your average bonding rituals go, it was rather tame.

"Okay, here is plan. First, we capture rat. And then we make him tell us where he got corn."

"Well, great! I'll just go grab him!"

"No," Yvgeny said. "Give your abs a break. We must do this quietly. Let me teach you about the element of surprise!" Buff Frog leapt into the air, jumping across the Forest of Certain Death.

"Aw, yeah!" Boo Fly shouted. "Buff Frog's back!"

* * *

Somewhere in the forest, a rat wandered around aimlessly. He heard a rustle in the bushes and changed direction, running backwards.

"Surprise!" Yvgeny said, channeling his Toffee side. He grabbed the rat from above. "Haha. Okay, little guy. You and me will have a little taaallk... uh..." The "uh" was because, for a moment, Yvgeny looked at the rat and saw a tadpole. He flailed and dropped the rat. 

"What was that?" Kevin asked, voice rather high-pitched and annoying. Ugh, I hate Kevins. "Baby oil on your fingers?"

"Uhm, Buff Frog? Did that just happen?"

"I think so," Yvgeny sighed.

"Gotcha! Look what was in the lost and found!" Kevin grabbed the rat. "Get it? Because he lost it, and I found it! Right?"

The other monsters laughed. Yvgeny sighed again.

"Uh... hey Buff Frog! Why don't you show the team your patented interrogation techniques? This guy is the best!"

Yvgeny chuckled weakly.

* * *

Yvgeny checked a bag of various torture devices. He grabbed an appropriately sharp and pointy pinchy thing. It's been a while since I looked up torture device terminology. "We will do this the easy way and the hard way. Easy for me, hard for you."

"This is amazing!" Kevin yelped. He was annoyingly quick to change his mind on people. Annoying! Can't you make up your mind, Kevin? Even if it helps my sweet Yvgeny, it's annoying when you change around like that.

"Hehe, told you he was good," Boo Fly said, grinning.

Yvgeny approached the rat. "Where did you get that corn?"

For a moment, yet again, the rat appeared to be one of his children. Yvgeny shuddered, and hesitated, and then recovered. "Uhh... this rat is tougher than I thought! You're not going to want to see this."

"Uh, yes I do!" Kevin replied.

"No, no, no. Let's... let's leave the master to his work. You know how artists are!"

The group left Yvgeny alone with the rat. As soon as they left, he dropped the torture implement. "Ohh, what is happening to me? I can't do this to you! Wait, what am I doing?" He grabbed the rat. "I know what you're thinking. You think I'm soft because I have children, don't you? I'll show you!"

A screech echoed through the woods. In the distance, Boo Fly cackled.

Yvgeny was... showing pictures of the little frogs to the rat, who was screaming and flailing around. "Oh, and can you believe Nadia here? Seriously. There ought to be law against something that cute!"

The rat continued to screech in agony. 

"Ooh, we should do live chat with them! I call Star right now."

More screaming.

"It's ringing!"

The rat's throat was getting sore, but the torture wasn't stopping, so what you do.

The compact continued to ring, but Star didn't answer. Yvgeny was... disappointed. He sighed. "Star not picking up. You can go now." He untied the rat, forgetting why he had it tied up in the first place.

"I'm telling you, he's probably found all the corn by now," Boo Fly's voice echoed from the distance. The group of monsters came back into the clearing, only to find the rat gone.

"What did you just do?! You let him go!" Kevin – ugh, Kevin – shouted.

"Umm... yes. But –"

"It's all according to plan! I've seen him do this a hundred times. It's a classic. Buff Frog interrogates the prisoner, then lets him go 'cause they're so freaked out that they'll lead us straight back to the corn... technique. Am I right, B?"

"Oh, yes. Yes! Never fails."

"Kevin grabbed the rope and sniffed it. He was a dog monster of some sort. Difficult to tell the exact species, wasn't one of the big five monster species, and honestly I don't feel like investing that much energy towards  _ Kevin _ . "Well, I guess I can track his scent from here."

The other monsters followed Kevin, with Yvgeny and Boo Fly trailing behind. "Hey, Bruh, you okay? 'Cause, um... that didn't look good."

"I know. I know! This should be easy, but... nothing is feeling right. I feel like... this is the only way I have to feed my babies. But I don't know if I like it."

"You blow this again, I'm not going to be able to cover for you," Boo Fly warned.

"No, no, I got this."

The monsters gathered at the edge of a cliff. "Jackpot." Kevin said. Shut up, Kevin!

Before them was a line of rats, moving forward with corn strapped to their backs. They moved in a straight line to some distant destination. 

"Yes, but this is not source. This is only supply route," Yvgeny pointed out.

"Hey, Buff-Daddy. You with us or what?" Kevin again. I'm so tired of talking about Kevin.

"Yes. One hundred percent."

"Okay, guys. Quiet..."

The monsters all grabbed their weapons. Buff Frog reached for a weapon, but instead brought out a pair of baby toys with an impeccable sense of dramatic timing, because they began to play music. Loudly.

"Uuh... uhm..." Yvgeny said nervously. He dropped the toys and stomped on them. 

"Shh!" said Kevin. So helpful, Kevin. Why don't you tell the twig you stepped on to be quiet, that'll help more.

The rats, either because of Yvgeny's loud toys or because Kevin stepped on a twig, you guess, scattered. Kevin grabbed the toys from Buff Frog and threw them into the distance.

"That was Katrina's favorite..." Yvgeny said, sadly.

Kevin grabbed Yvgeny and snarled. "You little –"

"Guys, guys, keep your cool!" Boo Fly said, getting between the two monsters. Kevin dropped Yvgeny.

"Now we're gonna do this my way," he said. Ugh. "We're gonna follow the supply route back to the source, and we'll be swimming in delicious corn!" Which was Yvgeny's plan, _Kevin._

"Cooorn..." said Boo Fly.

"Cooorn...." said Kevin. Ugh,  _ Kevin _ .

"Cooorn..." said Yvgeny.

"No, not you!"

Yvgeny whimpered.

"Alright. Everyone else, move out!"

"Wait, Boo Fly! Please! I need one more chance!"

"Just go home, man."

"Thumbie-bumpie?"

"No, man. No thumbie-bumpie." The group, sans one Buff Frog, headed out.

Yvgeny sighed, and his compact beeped. He opened it to see a message from Star: a picture of his little babies with the caption "We miss you, Daddy! We're counting on you!"

Yvgeny started crying.

* * *

The other monsters quickly found the source of the corn: a sprawling field near Butterfly Castle. They raced forward, only to be stopped mid-run by a forcefield. Kevin groaned. "Mewman forcefield!" he said, slamming on the forcefield. He was also stating the obvious. Stop stating the obvious, Kevin. But his slamming of the forcefield did do something for him, as it allowed him to notice a hole, outlined in faint green. "Huh? Green hole?"

He reached inside, but the corn was too far away for him to reach, and the hole was too rat-sized for him to climb in.

"You can't fit in there," Boo Fly said. "You need something small – Hey!"

Kevin grabbed Boo Fly and stuck him into the hole. He was a little too big to fit in, but it didn't matter to Kevin. Stop it, Kevin, you're hurting him.

In the distance, a Mewman who may or may not be King River Butterfly – I'm just saying it could be anyone – sat in an ornate corn-carved throne, enjoying more corn. "Corn, corn, corn, corn!" they sang, eating a cob slathered with butter. They then happened to glance outside, and saw the monsters trying to get through the hole. "You there, monsters! Get away from my corn!" they shouted, shaking their fist. They used the giant catapult behind them – by the way, there was a giant catapult behind them – to throw a flaming projectile at the monsters.

They all dodged, but the dry grass they were standing in caught fire like, well, dry grass, and soon the entire prairie they were standing in was covered in fire. The monsters huddled together, trying to put out the fire in various creative but not very successful ways. Soon they were surrounded on all sides by the fire.

"We're toast!" Kevin shouted. He was absolutely right, but that didn't make it okay for you to speak,  _ Kevin _ .

The bird-turtle (still named Jordan) seemed to agree with Kevin. He hid in his shell.

The monsters screamed as fire got closer and surrounded them.

"Eh," River said, shrugging. "That'll show them."

Just when all seemed lost, a figure appeared from above. Yvgeny came to the rescue, swinging in from the sky. He grabbed the monsters and jumped out of the fire. Yvgeny was a frog, and he put his strong jumping legs to good use. 

"I thought you went home," Boo Fly gasped.

"We are all going home!" Yvgeny replied. The group landed in a fiery explosion off in the distance.

"My ab! My ab!" Kevin shouted as they landed. One of his abs was missing. It was exactly as surreal as it sounds. "I can't find my ab – oh, there it is." The ab had popped into place. "Thank the Forces of Evil!"

The Forces of Evil would not have appreciated you using their name in vain, _Kevin._

"Thanks, Buff Frog," Boo Fly said. "We really owe you one!"

"Oh, I was wrong, man!" Kevin acknowledged. Good on you for realizing when you're wrong,  _ Kevin. _

"Thank you for saving us," Sarah the porcupine sighed. "We'd be toast without you."

"Sorry for being mean," Jordan finished, nodding.

"Just doing my job," Yvgeny replied.

Kevin extended a hand to shake. "I'm never making fun of single parents again!"

Yvgeny grabbed Kevin and hugged him. "Aww, come here, my little pierogies!" He pulled the rest of the monsters into a hug.

"I don't want to ruin the moment, but... we still don't have any corn," Boo Fly pointed out.

"True, we did not get corn. But mission not failure. We found hole in Mewman forcefield they did not know was there. We just need to find way to get in through that hole." Yvgeny opened a portal with his dimensional scissors.

"If anyone can do it, you can!" Boo Fly near-shouted. 

"Now, I must get babies," Yvgeny announced. He walked into the portal. "Daddy missed you so much, my little kreplachs!" The portal closed behind him.

"Know what? I'm gonna go visit my dad," Kevin said. Good on you for talking to your dad,  _ Kevin _ . Good on you.

* * *

Back at the rat supply route, rats gathered back together and started hauling corn again. They took said corn to a glowing green cave. In that cave, Ludo stood upon his spider, eagle at his side. The wand was glowing brightly, suffocating everything with a green aura.

Ludo had plans, and none of them were good.

And he wasn’t the only one with plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: 
> 
> Goblin Dogs: Star, Marcie, Shinjai, and a puffle girl named Kelly go to get a Goblin Dog.
> 
> By the Book: Star and Glossaryck have a falling-out, and Ludo hears voices in his wand.


	12. Goblin Dogs

Star, Marcie, and Shinjai stepped out of a portal and looked into a desert wasteland. It sure was a desert wasteland.

"Welp, next dimension," Marcie stated, turning back to the portal.

"Wait, I'm sure it's here! Super sure!" Star looked around. "Don't you want a Goblin Dog(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.)?"

"You said that about the last fifteen dimensions." Marcie pointed out. "And I'm hungry. I think we should go home and have sandwiches."

Star sighed. "I know, but I really want you guys to try a Goblin Dog(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.)!"

"Actually, I see it! It's over there!" Shinjai pointed, revealing a food truck in the distance... behind a long, long line.

"That line is, like, a million miles long."

"Not to worry," Shinjai replied. "I sent my friend Kelly up ahead to save us a spot. Hey, Kelly!"

A fluffy mound of green wool with eyes looked out from the line. And it was very nice of her to save a spot for them, but it was only about a millionth into the long, long line. Marcie sighed.

"Okay, let's wait for some of the best hot dogs you'll see in your life! I would know, I totally had one once," Shinjai crowed, marching towards Kelly. Star and Marcie had to run to catch up with her. 

In the line, Shinjai leaned against a tree to talk with Star while Marcie ended up next to Kelly.

"So... uh, hi, Kelly," Marcie said, waving feebly.

Kelly blinked.

"Uh... you been waiting long?"

Kelly blinked again. She was so messing with Marcie. It was hilarious.

"You two look like you're getting along," Shinjai commented from the front of their group of four.

"Oh, hey Shinjai!" Marcie had been so focused on Kelly that she forgot there were four people in this group. "Uh... how did you and Kelly meet?"

"I hid in her house while on the run from Saint O's. She stuffed me in the closet."

"Oh, nice... uh, so how long will this line go?"

Shinjai's expression turned strictly neutral. "A long, long time."

"And, uh, is it worth waiting in this crazy line all for just a hot dog?"

"It's not just a hot dog," a voice said, and an axe buried itself in the tree next to Shinjai. 

"Hey, watch it!" the lizard girl complained.

"It's a Goblin Dog(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.)!" A koala monster walked up, ignoring Shinjai and focusing all his attention on Marcie. "Some would kill for a Goblin Dog(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.). Like how I almost killed your friend here with my axe! I was the one who threw that axe, by the way, for your information, definitely."

"I pulled myself out of the ground for a Goblin Dog(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.)!" the tree that Shinjai was leaning on announced.

Shinjai got up. "Nope."

"I'm a tad sore," the tree continued, gesturing its branches at its roots. They were covered in bandages.

"I had a Goblin Dog(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.) a while back and it was pretty good," Shinjai said, shrugging.

"Really?" the koala asked.

"You might think this line is long, but listen to my goblin song!" a goblin announcer was singing. "It's been hours since you ate, but Goblin Dogs are worth the wait! Copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.! Yeah!"

"What...?" Marcie wondered. 

Shinjai sighed and turned to Star. "So, to catch you up, Saint O's is pretty much a party school now. Mostly thanks to your friend, Lilacia. How are you two doing, by the way? She says you haven't hung out in a while."

"Oh, uh... Nonspecific excuse!"

"Yeah, that is not going to work with me," Shinjai said, shaking her head and facing Star. 

"Hey, did you guys see the weird little dancing goblin guy? What was up with that?" Marcie asked.

Kelly shrugged. I'm not sure how she managed it, as she was still a mass of green hair, but she shrugged nonetheless.

* * *

"So, I was saying to Lilacia – you do know Lilacia, right? Your 'best bestie' even though you act like you've never met her? I was saying to her, 'why do we have to party everywhere? Your rave last night trashed the library, and Saint O's has one of the best libraries. Well,  _ had  _ one of the best libraries. It's kinda trashed now. And she said –"

Marcie sighed. She was dumping her woes to the silent Kelly. "You know, sometimes I feel like they're the kids and I'm the parent, you know? Like I'm running after them all the time. It's really annoying. Shinjai should be mature, she talks like she's mature, but she really isn't. She goes off on wild adventures just as much as Star."

Kelly dropped an apple core from somewhere in her hair.

"Whoa, you got another one of those? I'm starving."

Kelly guiltily spat out another apple core.

"You gotta be kidding me. Aaanyways –" Marcie was cut off, as at that moment a t-shirt hit her square in the head.

"Ayyy, kiddos!" the goblin firing the t-shirt cannon shouted. "You're just minutes away from maximum mouth-ertainment! So stay cool in a Goblin Dog(copyright Goblin Enterprises, I will write this till your eyes bleed, Ltd.) t-shirt!"

Several people in the line around them jumped up and down in excitement. They shouted "Me, me!" and "I want it in my face!" enthusiastically. It was... overblown, they were just stupid t-shirts.

"Excuse me, you work here?" Marcie asked, elbowing her way to the goblin. "We've been waiting forever. How do we get a Goblin Dog(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.)?"

"You wait in line?"

"And can you tell me how to get in that short line over there?" There was indeed a short line, over there.

"Oh, that's the VIP line. It's my boss's idea."

"How do we get in the VIP line?"

"Oh, it's pretty exclusive, but I could s-n-e-a-k you in."

"Uh, no thanks." That was Star.

"What? He just said he could sneak us in!" Marcie gasped.

"Oh... ' _ sneak _ you in'. I thought he said... something else." Star blushed.

"Welcome to the VIP line!" the goblin announced, moving the ribbon to the side, allowing them passage to the new area. "Okay, who's interested in buying some Goblin Dog(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.) merchandise?"

"That's okay. We just want the hot dog." Star replied.

"You're in the VIP line.  V ery  I nterested in buying  P roducts."

"I don't have any money," Star pointed out.

"Hold on, I got something," Shinjai dug through her pockets. "I got... twenty-seven fairy tears and two dried out kernels of corn."

"I got some cash," Marcie grabbed some money out of her pockets.

"How much is that?" Star asked, in awe.

"Like, six hundred and fifty bucks."

"Yep, that'll do it," the goblin grabbed the cash from Marcie. "This'll get you the executive package."

One quick clothes change later, and they were all dressed in cheap Goblin Dogs(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.) merch.

"This is ridiculous," Shinjai muttered, re-buttoning her red cape over the giant Goblin Dogs(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.) t-shirt.

"I know, it's positively stupid!" Star said, giggling.

"You spent a ton of money on this stuff, Marcie. How'd you get that much cash, anyways? I thought Star was the rich one."

"It's a looong story," Marcie said, shrugging. "But I got us into the right line! Look, we're next!"

"Four Goblin Dogs(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.), please!" Star shouted to the window. "Star is hungry!"

"Oh, you have to go wait in that line," the goblin in the truck said.

The four looked to another monstrously long line.

"How many lines are there?" Marcie asked.

"Well, you go through that line, and that line, and that line, and then it hooks back, like a dog's leg when it's next to a fire hydrant, and then you take a number, you know those little number rolls, and then you go in another line..."

"Okay, I'd like to speak to the manager, please." Even Marcie was on board with speaking to the manager, and she knew the nightmares of retail, from internet memes at least. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

The window closed, and then opened, and the same goblin from before was wearing a new hat. Or maybe it was a different goblin and I'm just really faceblind. Whatever. "Yes?" he asked.

"What's the deal, man? We waited six hours and bought all your stuff."

"Six hours, you say? Well, some of these people have been waiting for years!"

"Years?!"

"Years!!" the "manager" slammed the window shut.

The window opened once again. "So, what did my manager say?"

"You're the manager!" everyone shouted. So he was the manager! That explains things for me, I was a little confused.

"Well, forget this. I'm not waiting years to try a stupid hot dog." Shinjai muttered, crossing her arms and stomping away.

"Wait, I thought you already tried a Goblin Dog(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.)!"

"Well, no, a – and I know your culture puts a huge emphasis on lying, but –" Shinjai said, sighing.

"That's it, I'm done."

Star waved her arms. "Wait, Shinjai didn't mean anything by it! She's not bad, she's just a liar."

Marcie just walked away, muttering angrily.

"Wait, wait!" Shinjai shouted.

"Wait? All I've been doing is waiting! Waiting for a stupid Goblin Dog(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.)! And I'm tired, hot, sweaty, and really, really hungry! And you lied about having one!"

"Look, Marcie, I mean, all of these people have lied," Star pointed out.

"It's true. I'm not the one who threw that axe at you," the koala said, hanging his head in shame.

"Hi, my name's Stan," said a guy with really fabulous fur.

"Hi Stan," said the crowd.

"I lied too. I told my wife this was a mink coat, but it's just my body."

"My glasses are fake! Ooh, it feels really good to get that out!" a random person in the crowd called out.

"These aren't my teeth! They're someone else's!"

"I really hate vegetables!"

"I don't actually lift two hundred pounds!"

"Look, we've all lied, and lying is not cool, but there's one person who's lied to us all!"

"Yeah, her!" The koala pointed at Shinjai. The crowd shouted in agreement.

"No, no, no! Him!" Star pointed to the goblin manning the merch cart.

"Oh, yeah! He did lie to us all. Get him!"

The crowd started yelling and charged forwards.

"You're gonna lose your place in line!" the shop goblin shouted, taking out the t-shirt cannon and firing.

"Look out!" Shinjai pulled Marcie out of the path of a t-shirt, which missed and hit a skeleton instead.

Shinjai tossed a well-timed rock, hitting the goblin's hand and making him drop the t-shirt cannon. The goblin started up his food truck and drove out of there.

"He's getting away! He drove up a cliff! We've lost him."

"Oh no we haven't!" Star yelled, flying on Cloudy.

"Hey, Star!" Shinjai said, crossing her arms. "Can't you spare some room for the not-magically gifted?"

"Oh, right!" Star said, flying down and moving aside so Marcie and Shinjai could awkwardly squeeze themselves onto Cloudy. And then they sped off up the cliff.

Marcie's spot on Cloudy was precarious, and she felt herself slipping – and there was Shinjai, grabbing her and holding her on, before she even said anything.

They reached the top of the cliff, and Marcie and Shinjai (thankfully) got off Cloudy. "Magnificent Marshmallow Mush!" Star yelled, and aimed her wand at the truck. The wheels squished into marshmallows, understandably delaying progress by the truck.

The goblin guy – okay, I really am tired of referring to him as "the goblin guy" or "the goblin" anyways his name's Roy – fell out of the truck.

"Okay, buddy, time to cough up those Goblin Dogs(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.)."

"Look, you got me, lizard girl. Look, Goblin Dogs(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.) aren't real."

"What?"

"It's a ruse. All to sell merchandise. I'm sorry, but I can't give you any."

"Come on guys, let's go," Star looked away in disgust.

"Look, kids, you can have your money back."

"You know what? Keep it," Marcie said.

Shinjai whirled around, and Star said what we were all thinking: "Um, Marcie, that was six hundred and fifty bucks."

"Yeah, well, whenever he looks at the money, he'll remember the three kids whose dreams he wrecked."

"No, I'll just spend the money."

"He's right, Marcie. Yeah, we'll take the money, okay thanks," Star said, reaching out.

"No, Star, we're going home." Marcie said, ending the discussion and turning away.

Shinjai scoffed, and then snorted. "Rich people," she said. She still joined Marcie in walking away. So did Star.

And then Roy started cackling. "You did it! Ahahahaha!"

"What?"

Roy ran up to the trio, and grabbed onto Marcie. "You did it! You earned the Goblin Dog(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.)!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Goblin Dogs(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.) are real," said an unexpected voice from an unexpected person, walking up from her climb up the cliff.

"Kelly?"

Kelly separated the curtain of hair from her head and tied it back, revealing... a normal looking girl: short, with dark skin and a striped shirt and oversized glasses. "They're real. I had one."

"Wow, really? I was all set to kill that guy later when Star and Marcie couldn't see me," Shinjai said.

"Really?" Marcie asked. Not in a judgmental voice, if you were wondering.

"Yeah. Got it from Roy."

"Yeah. I was definitely going to kill him."

"So Goblin Dogs (copyright Goblin enterprises, no I refuse to get tired of this joke, Ltd.) are real?"

"Yes!" Roy shouted. "A Goblin Dog(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.) must choose its master through trial, and today the Goblin Dog(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.) chooses you!"

"Wait, what were we being tested for? Ability to be annoyed?"

Kelly shrugged. "I dunno."

Roy took out some mustard and ketchup bottles and formed a rough pentagram. The pentagram teleported them to a gold-studded temple of some kind. "Behold!" He held out a plate of hot dogs.

The gang made the appropriate noises of awe and disbelief. 

"These aren't Goblin Dogs(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.)." He put the hot dogs in a rather normal looking microwave that contrasted all the weird gold plating elsewhere in the temple, and pressed a few buttons. The microwave turned on and spun the hot dogs around a bit. Then Roy grabbed the plate and took them out. " _ These _ are Goblin Dogs(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.)."

The gang bit into their hot dogs.

"Huh. Tastes like... a regular hot dog," said Star

"Basic, but good," Shinjai said, shrugging.

"Yeah, not what I was expecting... whoa!"

The four of them gasped as a beautiful, wondrous flavor overtook them and they began to see stars. They connected to the infinite universe surrounding them, and they Knew all it had to know. They opened their eyes and saw with blinding sight the vastness of the universe surrounding them. In short, they saw like I do. They opened their mouths and chanted the song they heard around them: "Goblin Dogs! Goblin Dogs! Goblin Dogs!" without the usual (copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.), so you know something's up. 

The stars faded, and they were back in the desert landscape once again. The Goblin Dogs(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.) truck was gone.

"That was amazing," Star gasped out. "Wow! Shinjai, you really came through."

"Hey, we thought of this together," Shinjai pointed out. "But yes, I am amazing," she said, giggling.

"And we should totally get out of here. I am so done with this place."

"Yeah, we should get our tails out of dodge," Marcie said, grinning.

"You... you don't have a tail."

"Ugh, Roy makes me go through this every time. Why are Goblin Dogs(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.) so good?"

"Oh, hey, Kelly," Marcie said. "Been great talking to you."

A figure stood up out of Kelly's wool. "Yeah, man, it's great talking to you, too." Marcie wasn't talking to you! Shh!

"What? Marcie gasped. A short, wooly creature the exact same color and texture as Kelly's hair was standing on her head.

"Oh, hey, I'm Tad. Kelly's boyfriend."

"You've... been here this whole time?!"

"Yeah, I don't really eat hot dogs. You know, vegan and stuff. But I like to hang out."

* * *

_ Today was pretty uneventful. We went and got some Goblin Dogs(copyright Goblin Enterprises, Ltd.), Shinjai was there, we fought a dude with a t-shirt cannon, etc. etc. But we also made a new friend! Her name's Kelly, and she's pretty awesome. She mentioned that she likes to fight, so I might keep that in mind the next time we have monsters over or whatever. She has a weird boyfriend, named Tad. He's smelly and vegan and one of those really obnoxious vegans that tell you about it all the time. Ah, well, guess everyone comes with downsides, and Kelly's just happens to live on her head. _


	13. By the Book

Ludo had a problem. See, he would blast something with his newfound wand, and it would be amazing! So much more powerful than his old Avarius wand. Much easier to discipline errant rats or misbehaving spiders. Buuuut... every time he blasted, the force of it would send him flying backward. Pesky laws of physics! And normally, because he was currently living in a very nice cave system in the Forest of Certain Death, he would slam hard into a stone wall. It hurt. A lot.

"I don't even..." Ludo said to the spider and the bird after a particularly hard practice/slamming session. "I don't understand, girls! This thing is impossible to control! I try spells I've learned from the Avarius Beacon, but that thing didn't come with an instruction manual when I stole it from my parents!"

The wand pulsed and shook faintly.

"I mean, I try and try, but I – hmm?" He held up the wand. It pulsed and hissed in a voice that seemed... oddly familiar. "Huh? You can talk? Tell me your secrets!"

The spider and the bird glanced at each other.  _ Oh well _ , you could practically hear them thinking.  _ We've followed Ludo this far. If he jumps us off a cliff, well, we can fly or catch ourselves. Better to see this through. _

"Star Butterfly? But I don't want Star Butterfly! She doesn't have a wand anymore."

The wand hissed and whispered. Ludo nodded. "You're right! Star doesn't need a wand for me to steal her wisdom! Bird, Spider! Time to pack your things! Let's go catch a butterfly!"

The background music, if you were playing any, got dramatic. You can imagine a scare chord. Ludo cackled.

Then he stopped. "Gonna need to find a pair of dimensional scissors, first."

* * *

Star groaned. Smoke was rising from the ground where her last attempt at a fire blast had scorched... pretty much everything, except the stick of wood she was aiming at. "I'm not good at these spells. Why can't I just stick with Narwhal Blast?"

"Because there's other spells in your book," Glossaryck pointed out, which wasn't that great of an excuse,  _ Glossaryck. _ Make learning fun or stop being a teacher.

"Yeah, but..."

"Ooh, look, this one's got pictures! Can we do it? Please?"

"That's got a lot of steps..." Star sighed.

"Look, now that your wand is split, you don't have the raw power to pull off half the spells you used to take for granted. So you have to do things by-the-book."

Star was going to say something, but Marcie's groan interrupted her. The poor girl was lifting up the Magic Book of Spells all on her own, and the heavy volume was not doing wonders for her back. "Star, just... do the spell! This is so heavy!" Lift with your legs, Marcie! Your legs! Not your back!

Star groaned. "Alright, ugh, whatever. I'll do it." Star struck a pose. It was not a very accurate pose, but it was a pose.

"Close enough, I guess," Glosaryck said, shrugging. "Next pose!"

Star struck another pose, this one even worse than the one before. I would know, I checked it against the copy of the spellbook I keep with me. What kind of narrator would I be if I didn't copy every single book I see in the story?

"Uh, you want both arms up. Better to conduct magical energy, you see."

Star raised her arm a few inches.

"Raise your arm higher, higher than that! Higher! Pointing at eleven o'clock!"

"Mewni eleven o'clock or Earth eleven o'clock?"

"Star, they're the same. Ugh, this is taking forever. Be patient, be patient. Remember what it was like... never mind."

"Look, I know how to cast a spell, okay?" Star sighed. "Twirl, twirl, twirl, helicopter arms, helicopter arms, Warnicorn Stampede!"

A single purple unicorn that came up to Star's knees and looked – and was – about as threatening as a baby squirrel popped out of the wand.

"Look, that's all very good, but you want a stampede. A single warnicorn isn't a stampede." Glossaryck laughed. "I think someone needs to study her book more."

"You know what, Glossaryck? I think I'm done for the day," Star lifted the book off Marcie and closed it. "Come on, Marcie, let's go hang out with our friends."

"Oh, I thought we were friends," Glossaryck said, as if Star would want to be friends with Glossaryck. But, for some reason, she didn't want to hurt his feelings, so she frantically backtracked.

"What? Uh, oh no no no! That's not what I meant. We're friends, I just... I just don't have fun with you. But that's fine, because you don't like having fun, do you? Obviously. That's why you're alone all the time. Lonely people can be cool. You're, like, a wise old hermit! Or like, like, a wise old monk! Or... well, I don't know what you are, but..."

Personally, I think Star did a great job! I mean, a terrible job not digging herself in a deeper hole, but a great job dissing Glossaryck, which is something we should all aspire to do.

"Oh, I get it. I know when I'm not wanted," Glossaryck descended into a nearby donut box.

"No, no no!"

"I won't be bothering you ever again."

"Oh my gosh, Glossaryck, I am so sorry. No, of course you're our friend."

"Are we sure about that?” Marcie asked. “Because all this guy has ever done for us is hand out weird riddles and eat pudding.”

"Uh, don't you talk like that about our friend, Marcie! We have to make it up to him."

"Alright, look. My uncle Enrique hid in a box for three days once. I know how to handle this."

* * *

"We can never be together, Isabel. We're from two different worlds!" The black and white screen played to a packed house. The man on the screen was dramatically gazing into the eyes of a squid monster. "Society will never accept us!" He ran away, and the squid lady screeched in despair.

"See? Isn't this fun?" Star addressed the donut box in the seat between her and Marcie. "Just a few friends, watching a movie together. 'Cause that's what good friends do."

From inside the box, Glossaryck muttered. "Marcie, tell Star we are not talking."

"Star, Glossaryck says that he still isn't talking. Glossaryck, could you be nice and pass the popcorn-candy mix to Star?"

"Hmm, let me think. No! But I will take these," Glossaryck grabbed all of Marcie's food. Jerk. He doesn't even need to eat!

"Hey!"

"Oh, Boom Nuggets! I know where you're going."

"Those are my Boom Nuggets," Marcie whined.

"Hey, no big deal. I'll just make us some more snacks."

"No, you don't –"

Star raised her wand. "Cotton Candy Cloud!" A pink cloud appeared over Marcie's head.

"Huh, that's not that bad..." Just as Marcie said that, a pile of spaghetti fell on her head. "You know, it wouldn't kill you to practice a little more."

"Oh, don't you start too, Marcie."

Marcie sighed, wiped spaghetti sauce off her face, and turned to Glossaryck. "Glossaryck, if you stay in there you're gonna miss the whole movie! I thought you liked romantic comedies."

"Nah, more of a preference for tragedies. Though this one ends tragically. The squid lady dies in the end."

"Hey!" shouted approximately half the audience. Someone threw popcorn in Star's face.

* * *

It was night, and something crept into Star's room. The silhouette of a monster fell over Star's bed and there was a screech. Star woke up and brandished her wand. But the monster swiftly overpowered her. "Glossaryck! I can't hold it back much longer! Help!"

"Marcie, could you do me a favor and tell Star to get one of her Earth friends to help her. They are, after all, her pals. Buddies. Friends."

Star sighed. "You can stop, Marcie. He called our bluff."

Marcie took of the mask and screeched.

"Marcie?"

"AAAAWWWCC – Yes?"

"Stop."

"Oh, okay. Sorry."

* * *

"Okay, this is the stinkiest dumpster in town. The smell will force him out," Marcie dumped the donut box in the trash heap. "We're getting Glossaryck back. Hoor _ ay. _ " I concur, Marcie. I concur.

"Yeah!" Star said, somewhat more enthusiastically. The two high-fived.

At that moment, a dump truck approached and dumped the contents of the dumpster in it. Star and Marcie gasped. Then they screamed, as Glossaryck's donut box was about to be crushed by the crush gates.

The pair ran for the dump truck, but before they could get to the box a portal opened, and Ludo flew in on the eagle and the spider.

"What the...?" Star gasped. "Ludo's back!"

Marcie also gasped, around a second after Star. "Ludo's back!"

"Yes, I am!"

"But I tossed you into the abyss!"

"She tossed you into the abyss!"

"Yes... you  _ did _ ."

The two wand wielders raised their wands and growled. Then they gasped. "You have a wand?"

"They both have wands!" Marcie gasped.

"Okay, seriously, Karate Girl. That's getting annoying."

"Yeah, I hate to agree with Ludo, but..."

"Anyways, Star Butterfly, you're coming with me!" Ludo raised his wand up and let out a strong blast... that missed Star entirely and sent him careening into a wall.

"Rainbow Fist Punch!" Star shouted. A rainbow fist appeared, and... deflated onto the ground. "What?"

"Ha ha, that's your rainbow punch?" Ludo was one to talk, as he was currently flying through the air, propelled by his wand.

The spider and the bird attacked Marcie, keeping her occupied.

Star screamed as one of Ludo's shots narrowly missed her. She raised her wand... "Heart Attack!"

Ludo was covered in pale pink hearts. Not restricting his movement or delivering deadly poison or anything, just... clinging to his body. He looked like a reject from a cheap Valentine's Day flick.

"This is the worst wand fight I have ever seen," Marcie said from where she and the bird were poking each other with extreme vengeance. How about you try to use the wand, Marcie, and we'll see how you do. Go ahead, try it. I'm sure it will work out excellently for you.

The garbage truck's door started closing, threatening to destroy the donut box Glossaryck was hiding in. "Oh I don't have time for this!" Star yelled, and raced towards Glossaryck's box.

"Hey, we're not done! Get back here!" Ludo shouted, sending a blast back towards Star. Star dodged, and blasted a couple of narwhals back at Ludo. I say "a couple", but really, there was only one and a half narwhals, and the blast wasn't enough to propel them all the way to Ludo.

Marcie paused in her fight with the spider and the bird to toss a trash can lid to stop the garbage truck's door from crushing Glossaryck. "Nice one, Marcie!" Star shouted.

But... "Star, the lid isn't holding!" Marcie raced towards the garbage truck, but was tripped up by the bird and ensnared in web by the spider.

"Glossaryck!" Star shouted, as a blast from Ludo's wand knocked over the garbage truck, but not before the donut box was thoroughly crushed. "Glossaryck!"

"No! No, no no!" Marcie shouted.

Oh come on! At least he'll shut up for a few minutes. You have more pressing things to worry about. Like, for instance, Ludo, who was standing in front of Star and pointing his wand directly at her.

"Now, Princess, I give you a choice. Come with me or die."

"Warnicorn Stampede!" Star shouted.

A single purple unicorn that, again, looked about as threatening as a baby squirrel, blinked into existence.

"Fine, have it your way. Would be pretty hard to miss from here." 

"Star!" Marcie shouted, struggling in her web.

Ludo advanced a few steps forward, to make sure of a hit. Then the donut box uncrumpled itself, blasted through the air, and tripped Ludo up. Ludo missed.

Glossaryck levitated out of the box in a contemplative half-bow, his claws folded serenely in front of him. Then he laughed. "Hah hah, take that, sucker!"

See. Only a few minutes. Unfortunately.

"Glossaryck?" Star wondered. Glossaryck whistled, and the Magic Book of Spells launched itself at a high velocity out of the Diaz's house and into Star's hands. It moved more or less in a straight line, crunching through several buildings in the process. No one worried. The town of Echo Creek was pretty used to inexplicable magical events by now.

Star gasped. Ludo also gasped. "What? A book?!"

Glossaryck crossed his arms. "Now, read!"

Star read the incantation and followed it, striking the correct poses and lighting up her wand at the correct times. She lifted her wand. "Warnicorn Stampede!"

Five tough and battle-scarred unicorns appeared out of a sudden mist and charged Ludo, knocking him and the spider and the bird back into his own portal. Ludo kept the dimensional scissors, but Marcie was the one who closed the portal behind him, once the warnicorns had freed her from the spider's webs. And then she ran up to Star and hugged her. "You did it! That was so cool!"

"Yeah, and all I had to do was read from the book!"

"Maybe if you continue to study, you'll be able to summon more than just five," Glossaryck said, shrugging. "Well, my work here is done." He fell backwards into the book.

"Glossaryck, wait!" Star grabbed the book. "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."

"Oh, you didn't hurt my feelings. I don't have feelings." Big fat liar. "It was all part of the plan, you see."

"What do you mean, part of the plan?"

"Yeah, why'd you lock yourself in the donut box, then?"

"I went in that box on purpose because I needed to get to the candy."

"What?"

"Well, how would you rocket yourself out of a trash compactor?"

"What? I don't know."

"Marcie, Marcie, I had to be in the donut box so I could trip Ludo's feet up and save the day!"

"Wait, wait, so you're saying that you did this on purpose...?"

Glossaryck giggled. "Boom Nuggets." He's being so deliberately obtuse. Beings like us have infinite chances to do things, so there’s infinite timelines where we just  _ do not _ mess up, even when we do weird and convoluted things. It’s simple, really.

Marcie gave up on trying to understand, which was probably for the best. "Fine. Whatever."

Behind them, the garbage truck's crew got out of the garbage truck and looked around. Ludo's wand blasts had left the area a scorching mess.

They shrugged. A normal Tuesday.

* * *

Ludo fell back into his cave, but he didn't care. He didn't gasp in any kind of pain, even as he landed hard on the rocks. No, he didn't do any of these things. He  _ laughed.  _ "Guess what! Wand, guess what?!

"There's a book."

* * *

_ Ludo has a wand! And it's powerful, not the Avarius Beacon. And it looks kinda like... my wand. I don't know what happened and how he got it. Marcie's of course going nuts over the wand and how "super duper interesting" it is. She's got a red string board up in her room, I can tell. Oh, well, I trust her not to go all the way off the deep end. It's strange that she and Glossaryck don't get along. Marcie's actually interested in Glossaryck things. But whenever she reads the book, she always picks the time Glossaryck's in his little tower. Oh, well, I guess I can't be mad at her. Glossaryck is super annoying. _

Thank you, Star. I appreciate it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up, we learn nothing and quite a bit at the same time.
> 
> The Mountains of Incurable Anguish: Star sneaks into the Mountains of Incurable Anguish to search for The Forces of Evil with Marcie, Tom, Kelly, and Shinjai.


	14. The Mountains of Incurable Anguish

Let me tell you a story, reader, about someone I know. It begins with a question:

"Hey, Marcie?"

Not the question!

"Yeah?"

Also not the question!

"How would you feel about, I dunno, maybe sneaking into the Mountains of Incurable Anguish with me?"

There we go. That was the question.

"What?"

That wasn't the question, by the way. Question's already been said.

"Sneaking into the Mountains of Incurable Anguish. You know, where the Forces of Evil is hiding, to go kill them. Get this 'destiny' stuff over with. I'm going, and hopefully you, and also hopefully Tom, 'cause he can clear the mist around the Mountains away with his fire powers. And maybe Kelly, and maybe Shinjai, 'cause they're both pretty strong and like fighting and stuff. I wanted to ask you first, 'cause you're my buddy."

"Uh, thanks Star, but... isn't that a little risky?"

"We could ask the Forces of Evil aaaalll you would ever want to know about Mewni and its history. Before we kill them."

"Oh the one hand, incredible violence... on the other, learning more about Mewni... I'm sold. Go ahead, let's do this."

"Okay. But first we convince Tom."

* * *

Tom was down for it. Said it would be a fun way to blow off an afternoon. Next!

* * *

Kelly was a little harder to convince.

"Uh, I'm down with killing someone out of a misguided sense of justice, but I don't want Tad to get hurt."

"Tad can sleep on your couch while you go fight. It's what he always does when you go fight with your sparring partner, Jorby."

"I can't stand violence. It makes me want to puke!" Tad supplied helpfully.

"Okay, I guess I'll come. Are you gonna need me to help you convince Tom, too?"

"Nah, we got this. It's Shinjai next, if you could help me with that."

"Oh, I don't think you should take Shinjai." Kelly said. "Her family kind of idolizes the Forces of Evil. Thinks they're a big deal. Shinjai told me about it when she was... visiting."

"Nah, don't worry. We'll tell her that we're just going to talk to them! It won't be a lie. Right?"

"You're planning to talk to the Forces of Evil?"

"Well, Marcie is."

"I want to ask them what they know about Mewni."

"Oh, of course.” Kelly understood doing things for the Lore™. “Well, I can't guarantee we'll be able to spend any time talking to them. After all, they're supposed to be super dangerous. You can't just tie someone like that up and ask them questions."

"Don't worry, I'll get them monologuing! Villains love to monologue. It's kinda their thing. I'm sure the Forces of Evil is no different."

"Uh, if that works for you. To each her own, I guess. But you should know that if they put you in danger, I'm going to just kill them. Quick slice to the brain, and boom. Dead. Not answering any questions."

Marcie sighed. "Okay. I promise I won't get too mad at you if you do that."

"You'd better. When are we going?"

"As soon as we get Shinjai. Wait for my signal."

"Which is...?"

"Oh, I'll call you. Or maybe send you a text. Whatever works."

"Alright, I'll know it when I see it. Got it."

And so Kelly was convinced. All that was left was convincing Shinjai.

* * *

"So, why are you calling me? You're lucky I'm in my room, I rarely bother to check the voicemail on this stupid thing."

"Uh... have you, uh, ever heard of a monster called the Forces of Evil?"

"Oh, definitely." Shinjai smiled a closed-mouth smile. It was a teasing kind of smile, the kind that told you that someone knew a lot more than what was going on.

"Oh, great. Iwaskindahopingyouhadn'tandKellylied."

"What?"

"Oh, nothing. Um, you ever thought of talking to them? Just to chat? You know?"

"Is this about your destiny?"

"Um, no! Destiny? What destiny? Why would I be worried about destiny?"

"That's the attitude I like to hear!"

"Um, it is?"

"Well, yeah. You got saddled with an awful destiny, having to kill someone like that, and you thought 'Why would I do that? I need more information!' and now you've decided to say 'screw destiny!' and talk to them to see what they're really like, right?"

Star blinked. "Uh... sure."

"Good! That's exactly what I would do, if I were in your place. Of course there's always the chance that your destiny is to put them out of their misery when they're old and sick, or that you trip and fall and cause a chain of events that lead to their death –"

"That's what I said could happen!" Marcie said, clapping her hands together. Oh, yeah, Marcie's in this scene, too. Bet you forgot about her, you monster.

"...but those are just loopholes. I don't know what will happen. Hopefully something good."

"...yeah. Hopefully something good." Star sighed.

"Anyways, I can tell you all about the stories I heard as a child about them if you want! They're a powerful monster who does –"

"No, Shinjai... I... I want to make my own opinion."

"Okay! When are we going?"

"As soon as Kelly and Tom get here," Star replied, hitting send on a group text.

"Sounds good!" Marcie shouted. "Let's get to the Mountains!"

* * *

"You didn't mention that the Mountains had a wall around them!"

"Huh, I was trying to get past the wall. Weird." Star looked at the dimensional scissors in her hands. "I'm usually pretty accurate with these things."

"And it's guarded, too."

"Well, what do we do now?" Kelly asked, frustratedly.

"I could cause a distraction! Some flamey magic and boom!" Tom raised his hand, which was covered in fire, in demonstration.

"Let's call that Plan B," Marcie replied, looking at the people guarding the wall. "'Cause I think I recognize those two guards."

* * *

"Hey! Psst! Higgs, Steelbert!"

"Huh? Mysterious voices in the bushes? I will not be swayed! Don't tempt me away from my post!"

"Higgs, it's me!" Marcie poked her head out of the bushes.

"And me!" Star also poked her head out of the bushes.

"Princess Butterfly!" Higgs raised her hand in a salute. Steelbert straightened his back.

Then Higgs frowned. "You got us in huge trouble, Your Highness. Well, your friend did. She got us away from our posts! And that earned us a demotion, and we were nearly court-martialed, and we ended up here, serving a grumpy, annoying captain in the worst job ever! With sincere respect, Your Highness."

"Wow, that sucks! I never would've done that, you were just accompanying my friend to the library. And Marcie and her family already got an honorary ladyship position, for her work protecting me, providing me shelter, and helping my parents. Pretty cool, if I do say so myself. Which I do. Anyways, the point was, you didn't deserve to be reassigned. My mom will fix this."

"She was the one who reassigned us."

"Then I'll fix it! I can do things like that! But first, uh... could you maybe let us into the Mountains of Incurable Anguish?"

"Sorry, Ma'am, but no one's allowed inside. And, for that matter, no one's allowed out."

"Not that we'd be able to stop them if they tried. If the Forces of Evil are as powerful as Mina told you, we'd be like ants to it."

"If even Queen Solaria the Monster Carver couldn't kill them, then they must be a formidable foe."

"I know," Star said irately. "They're big news, hot sauce, whatever. We need to get through this wall."

"Um, I'm not allowed –"

"Look, if you don't let us through, I will blast my way through. I have a wand, and friends, and we are more than capable of busting through here. So sneak us through, or there's lots of property damage on your tab."

"Star, that's not –"

"Can it, Marcie! I don't want to do it, but I will!"

"Also she's royal! That's what I was going to say! You have to listen to her!"

"Oh, yeah! I'm royal! Listen to me!"

"Fine! You win, okay!" Higgs put her hands up.

Steelbert looked furtively around and opened the door.

"Alright, guys, you can come out now!"

Tom gasped and tumbled out of the brush. "Heey! Tom Lucitor, demon prince of the Underworld. Nice to meet you, uh...?"

"Higgs, and he's Steelbert."

"Hi, Higgs and Steelbert!"

"Hey, enough with the introductions! We got things to do," Kelly said, stepping out of the bushes. Shinjai stepped out behind her.

Higgs drew her sword. "Your Highness, watch out! There's a vicious monster behind you!"

"What?!" Star looked. "There's nothing behind me."

"Are you blind? That lizard, it's right behind you!"

"Oh, you mean Shinjai? She's with us."

"Pfft, really? She's probably planning to turn you in to the Forces of Evil!"

"Or just get you lost in the mist in the Mountains. It would be really easy to do that," Steelbert pointed out weakly.

"I would never do that! I like Star!" Shinjai crossed her arms. "And we're going to talk to the Forces of Evil. No turning anyone in."

"Talk to them? But Glossaryck said you would kill them!"

"Screw destiny, right?" Shinjai crossed her arms. "We're going to figure out what this 'destiny' stuff is all about. Maybe she's destined to put them out of their misery or something in the far future. Maybe she won't kill them. Who knows? We're going to find out."

Higgs snorted. "Sure. Go and have a nice chat with a monster that's been terrorizing generations of Mewmans. Have fun!" She motioned them through the gate.

"We will!" Shinjai said, stomping through the gate in a huff.

"Yeah right."

Thinking back on it, they both were wrong. Our merry band of adventurers wouldn’t even make it near the Forces of Evil's hideout, much less meet them. It could never be any other way.

* * *

The interior of the Mountains of Incurable Anguish was fairly ordinary. I mean, it was a cloud rainforest, so kinda unusual from Marcie's perspective, but the multiverse, and especially Mewni's warm climate, was full of cloud rainforests. So, fairly ordinary.

"I feel like we should feel more," Marcie said, stepping inside. "I mean, we're finally facing destiny and everything, it should be more... important? Tingly? I dunno, but this is... kinda typical mountain stuff.”

"I do wonder how you built a wall around an entire mountain range," Kelly wondered.

"Eh, my mom did it with her magic. I had no idea why, until I found out about the Forces of Evil. Guess she's just that smart, amiright?"

"Smart? I wouldn't call her smart for wasting resources on one little mountain range. The Mountains of Incurable Anguish aren't even that big. They're easy to travel around, and the soil is too poor to grow anything without magic. And we all know Mewmans won't go anywhere if they can't grow corn. That's why we have so few boats." That accurate summary of Mewman thought came from... Tom. He's pretty smart.

"I mean, fair, but she's trying to keep the Forces of Evil in."

"And how has that worked out for her?" Marcie pointed out. "I have to say, it is kind of useless. The Forces of Evil still got out to put that arrow through your parent's window."

"Good point," Star said. "I guess this wall is kinda a waste of time."

"Wait, the Forces of Evil put an arrow through your parent's window?" Shinjai asked. Tom and Kelly looked surprised too. "...did you see what they looked like?"

Star shrugged. "Nope. I saw footsteps in the ground outside though, and I think they've got claws."

"Oh, that definitely narrows it down." Star nodded, and Shinjai sighed and her hands on her forehead. "Star, most of the monsters in Mewni have claws. Tom has claws. I have claws."

"I'm not a monster," Tom muttered, scratching the back of his neck with his big honking claws.

"Well, sorry I didn't make measurements. I was too busy thinking up ways to shape the castle to my image. Also, I was on unicorn-back. You're lucky I even noticed they had claws."

Shinjai nodded. "I know I guess I can't expect you to know. It would just be nice to put a face on the name of my idol, you know?"

Star shrugged. "I guess I do. For the longest time I never saw Mina Loveberry without her helmet on. It was weird to finally see her with her helmet off, it was pretty weird. I finally got to see her face when I told her it was more intimidating to show her cheekmarks instead of hiding them."

Shinjai flinched. "You idolize Mina Loveberry?"

"You idolize the Forces of Evil!"

"That's not even remotely equivalent. Mina Loveberry is a scourge on monster-kind She's more of a monster than most of us, that's for sure."

"And the Forces of Evil is a scourge on Mewman-kind! They've been terrorizing my family for generations!"

"They haven't done half the things Mina did!"

"They're called 'the Forces of Evil', Shinjai!"

"So? It's just a name! Us monsters have been shoved to the sidelines for so long, we're considered evil by everyone else, so why not embrace it? The Forces of Evil are, admittedly a little ironically, the greatest force for good the monster community knows!"

"Ugh! I can't do this!" Star stomped off into the mist. The group had been steadily walking forwards along a mountain trail, and the fog had been steadily growing thicker. Star vanished in an instant.

"Wait! Star, it's not safe!" Marcie ran forwards, only to stop suddenly before she tumbled off a sheer cliff. "Whoa!"

Her shoe kicked a pebble loose. It fell down, down, down. Marcie didn't hear a clink. The fog seemed to muffle every sound.

"Star?!" Marcie shouted. It bounced back at her, echoed and distorted. "STAR!"

Everyone joined her in calling for Star, including Shinjai.

But it was no use. Star was just... gone.

* * *

Star heard the rest of the party calling for her, but only sighed. She hadn't walked far, why were they panicking? She looked back, only to see... nothing. The path was gone. "Whoa!" she shouted. "Guys?! I think the path was destroyed!"

Nothing. The group continued to yell for her, but their voices seemed... distant. Echoey. She heard them like she was underwater, and they were a million miles above on the surface.

"Guys!" Star shouted yet again. "Guys?! I'm still here, I'm okay!"

Nothing. The group continued to yell for her, just as panicked and distant as before. Star could do nothing but listen to them, and wait.

"Okay, Star, what's the number one rule for getting rescued? Stay put! The rest of the group will find you eventually! Except these mountains are a fricking maze, and they'll have to take the long way around... ugh! Wait, they're still shouting! I can follow their voices... off a cliff! Ugh!"

Star paced around in a circle. She experimentally blasted the fog with a fire spell, but it didn't clear, and the voices of her friends didn't change. She sat down. "I can't believe it... I didn't even get to say goodbye... maybe I should forge ahead on my own!"

"Star if you can hear us, stay put! It's safer!" Marcie's voice echoed through the mist. 

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Stupid sensible Marcie, always hitting me where it hurts with her good ideas."

Star sighed and leaned against a rock. "I didn't even get to apologize to Shinjai for the fight... I feel so bad about it now. What if that's the last I'll ever see of her?"

She sniffled, and started crying. "This was a mistake. I don't know the Forces of Evil, I don't even know if they're... evil! I went in totally unprepared, and I know my family's done some pretty awful stuff. What if they're right? What if..." She trailed off. She couldn't say it.

The mist cleared a little, revealing a ghostly figure.

"Star?"

* * *

"Guys, I know shouting isn't going to work forever, so what if I fly up to try to get a better view?"

Shinjai turned to Tom with a gasp. "You can fly?"

"Uh, yes?"

"Why have you not mentioned that before?!"

"Didn't come up. But I can fly, using my fire magic as propulsion. Kinda like a rocket. And my power feels different here. Stronger. My ability to summon ghosts is super strong, look." Tom waved a hand, and a few small ghosts appeared in the air. They panicked in the cold fog and dispersed.

"That's. So. COOL! Go do your flying magic, fire boy!" Shinjai slapped Tom on the back and pointed at the sky.

Tom blasted off eagerly, rising above the treeline. "Okay, getting a better view pronto!" he shouted down to the people below. "Okay... uh, I don't know what I was expecting, but I can't see anything. There's just fog!"

"Use your fire magic to burn away the fog!" Marcie suggested.

Tom directed some flame into the fog. Then he waited. "Uh, Marcie, the fog isn't clearing!"

"What?!"

"It's not going away! The fog isn't burning away!"

"Come on!"

"I don't think it's normal fog." Tom floated down. "Don't you think Star has heard us? Surely she's noticed something is wrong by now."

"Yeah, but she can be kinda... stubborn when she gets angry. And she and Shinjai haven't really had a fight yet. So what if she's ignoring us? She could've not noticed something's wrong."

"Ugh, you're right. She's Star. So we really need to find her. Maybe Tom could fly –"

"Guys?" Kelly called, studying the sky. "Uh, you should look at this!"

Tom, Marcie, and Shinjai looked at the clouds. Above them, ghostly figures were flying through the sky. Towards them. They were hissing in anger.

"Uh oh," Tom gasped.

* * *

"Huh?" Star looked up to see a ghostly lizard person floating in the air above her. "Wait a minute, I know you!"

"I'm Necahua, remember?" the ghost said in their raspy voice, shaking their head, both exasperated and endeared. They floated down, to be eye-level with Star. "Hasn't been very long. We didn't think you'd come here for a while yet."

"Well, I'm here," Star stood up. "How did you appear? I don't have any of the weird lemon perfumey stuff to summon you."

"Ghosts are stronger in these mountains. We can appear whenever we wish, as long as we stay within their confines. Though, I did store some of the time from the perfume, so I could probably appear outside of these mountains, anyways."

"So, is that what you're doing here? Enjoying corporeality?"

"It's not very fun being corporeal if there's no one living to talk to. No, I'm here because I help protect these mountains. What are you doing here?"

"Protect these mountains from what?"

"You know, people like you. But you're dodging the question. What are you doing here?"

"I... uh, I kind of wanted to fulfill my destiny? My mentor, Glossaryck, he made a prediction that I would kill the Forces of Evil. So I wanted to get it over with. Sorry."

Necahua sighed. "Well, luck is not on your side, I'm afraid. The Forces of Evil are away right now."

Star blinked. "You know that?"

"Yes, I do. So. What are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know... What do you think I should do?"

"Well, you should find your friends. They could be in danger. You're lucky I found you before the other ghosts did. There's a lot of them, and they're angry."

"What?"

"The other ghosts will do their best to hurt your friends. We have to hurry if we want to protect them from the rest of the Anguished Ghosts."

"But the path disappeared!"

"Close your eyes."

Star sighed, but she did as Necahua asked.

"Now move towards the edge of the cliff."

"Uh, if you're trying to get me to jump off, that's not going to work."

"I'm not trying to get you to jump off. Just trust me."

"I'm not sure I can trust you," Star pointed out, but she kept edging forward. "Have I come close enough to the edge yet – whoa!" Star felt like she was falling. She opened her eyes, convinced Necahua had made her fall off the edge, only to see her feet planted on... nothing. She was seemingly standing still on empty air, but her body felt like it was falling.

"Wow. This is so weird," Star gasped, reaching backwards to feel hard rock behind her. "The path never disappeared! It only became invisible!"

"You can't really trust your senses here. It's an old place, full of ancient magic. Be careful, though. The path doesn't stop being treacherous because it's invisible."

"Okay," Star said, nodding. As soon as she said that, her foot slipped and she fell. She grabbed an outcropping of rock invisible to the eye.

"Whoa, are you okay?" Necahua asked, looking down from where they were floating at around the level of where Star's head had been.

"Yeah, just give me a second," Star gasped out. She flapped her mewberty wings, generating enough lift for her to climb back on the invisible path. It was very bizarre and surreal, climbing an invisible mountain. She still felt like she was falling, so she had to rely on sight to, well, not see what she was gripping. It was a very strange experience.

She got back up to the path and flitted her mewberty wings. "You babies are getting a workout today, aren't you!"

"Looks like they are. Come on, Star," Necahua said. Spoilsport.

Above them, the clouds of fog started to condense into actual clouds, and it started to rain. "Ooh, cold, cold, cold!" Star said, shivering.

"Hurry, Star! Look!"

Above them drifted thousands of ghosts, weaving in and out of the clouds. They were all headed forwards, towards Star's friends. "Oh no!" Star shouted. "We gotta hurry!"

"I was saying that." Necahua responded, floating after Star's run.

Star and Necahua ran and floated (respectively) towards Star's friends. The calling of Star's name had stopped, and Star was worried that that meant they were in trouble. Why else would they stop calling for her?

They finally reached the rest of the group, at the other end of the invisible path. "Guys! I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have stormed ahead, this whole trip was a mistake! Are you oka – huh?"

* * *

Marcie and the rest of the gang huddled behind a rock. Didn't stop Shinjai from staring up at the ghosts. "Wow. There's so many..." The ghosts were mostly septarians, but she saw some other monsters in the mix as well. No mewmans, though. What had happened here, to cause so many ghosts? Septarians mostly only died of old age, not violent or upsetting deaths that would cause this many ghosts.

"Looks like a lot of these guys left the kettle on," Tom said weakly. Shinjai and Kelly didn't get it. "Long shot, guys, but I might be able to influence them. Calm them down."

"You can do that?" Marcie asked. "Where were those powers when Star's tower was haunted?!"

Tom blushed and stuttered awkwardly. "I – I forgot. Also, with the soulflowers behind them, they probably wouldn't have responded. But, anyways, ghost telepathy... activate!" Tom stared at the ghosts, but like really intensely. No, not in that way!

After about ten seconds of staring, Tom gasped and stepped back. "They're practically immune to influencing! Whatever these spirits are bound to, it's not the Underworld, definitely."

"Seriously?!" Marcie said, frustrated. "Dang it! What are we going to do now? We should've gotten armor. I should've brought my magical vacuum. I should've... dang it! We went into this so unprepared!"

"I brought a sword," Kelly said, unsheathing her enormous sword that was practically as tall as she was.

"Wait. Sheathe your sword."

"What? Why, Shinjai?"

"One sword isn't going to do anything to them. They're ghosts. We should appear as non threatening as possible. Try to talk them down."

"Talk down that?" Marcie asked, gesturing to the searching cloud of ghosts.

"Yeah. HEY, GHOSTS!" Shinjai shouted, stepping out from behind the rock, before Marcie could protest that this was a really bad idea.

The ghosts looked up at the shout, and then every single one of them turned their heads in unison to look at the assembled creatures (they had been practicing that move for centuries, just in case).

"Get behind me!" Shinjai shouted at Tom, Kelly, and Marcie.

The ghosts moved faster than the eye to surround Shinjai and everyone else behind her. Only the solid mountain peak stood behind them. The ghosts snarled as one, a loud growling noise that echoed its way through the mountains. Most of the ghosts were holding rocks or sharp sticks or in one case a full set of antique katanas.

One ghost moved to the front of the procession, an old faded green lizard spectre with long frills not unlike Shinjai's. She looked at Shinjai expectantly. "Move aside, darling. We don't want to hurt you."

"Uh, I don't appreciate being called 'darling'," was Shinjai's response.

"Fair enough, sorry. Habit of mine," the ghost laughed. "But don't you worry your precious little head about any of this. We only want to kill two members of your little group. The two redheads, you know, the prince and... where is the little princess?"

"She's not here," Marcie growled. "She's not going to get murdered by a bunch of ghosts."

"Oh, is that the case? Oh, dear," the ghost sighed. "Well, I was going to make Una's job easier, but I guess I'll have to settle for just killing the Mewman prince. Oh well."

"I'm only half Mewman. I'm part demon," Tom said weakly.

The ghost snorted. "Demon's just as bad. Your kind sold us out to the Mewmans."

She lunged.

Shinjai grabbed Tom and shoved him into the dirt, covering him with her body. Tom wanted to protest that he didn’t like touch, but he understood that now was not the time. Marcie followed suit, laying on the bits of legs that Shinjai couldn't cover, and Kelly drew her sword, staring down the ghosts with a look that would kill if the receivers of that look were not already dead 

"Oh, sweetheart, we're ghosts! We can do so many amazing things!  _ Tel ne-ma _ !" (Septarian to English translation: Get him!)

The ghosts advanced, grabbing and tugging Marcie away from Tom. Shinjai, however, was able to hold on. She snarled. "Stop! Stop, all of you! HE'S NOT A THREAT!"

"I object to that last one!"

"Not helping your case, Lucitor!"

"Sorry!"

Tom cowered underneath Shinjai, until he didn't. He got an idea. "Shinjai, get off of me."

"What?" Shinjai asked, as the ghosts tried to lift her and Tom into the air.

"Trust me. Let go."

"...okay." Shinjai let go and fell down, back onto the path. "Oof. Tom, you alright?"

"Oh, I will be!" Tom grinned and then used his fire powers to create a fire shield around him. 

"There we go! Come in here and your bodies burn!"

The lizard lady snorted. "Our bodies have already burnt! We are nothing but ash! Try to burn us, I dare you!"

Tom heated up his flames higher and stronger, turning them white-hot. "Try me! Anything can be vaporized!"

The lizard ghosts sighed. "Ne-ma-oh koh tsat-ta la totonic. Tech-la kosh sheli t-net?" (He says his flames are scalding. Anyone willing to call his bluff?)

The ghosts looked at each other. The entire crowd of ghosts sighed and shook their heads. 

"Fine. I guess we're at an impasse. Perhaps we have to negotiate."

Shinjai grinned. "Exactly what we wanted to do. Here's our terms: you let us find Star and meet with the Forces of Evil, and we'll leave these mountains, never to return."

"Also, you could stop by the Underworld anytime you want. Get some ghost therapy, which we have in spades. Not Mewman therapy, though..." Tom added.

The leader ghost glared at Tom. "Shutting up now," Tom muttered.

The ghost sighed. "As much as I'd love to fulfill that deal that's so obviously skewed in your favor, we can't. The Forces of Evil is away at this time. You couldn't meet with them if you tried. 'Sides, the kid is going to get tired eventually. We have centuries to wait."

Tom sighed. His fire flickered briefly. "She's right. I need to get out of here before I exhaust myself, fast."

"Dang it!" Marcie shouted. She couldn't think of what to do. Tom and Star were the only ones strong enough to get through the gates. If they went out now, they couldn't get back in. Unless...

What "unless" meant didn't really matter, because at that moment another ghost – a lizard woman with a long purple mane – flew in. "Xocochiapal! All of you! You should be ashamed of yourself!"

"Tecoloa?" The leader ghost – Xocochiapal – gasped. "Sweetheart, what are you doing here?"

"I understand that these are our enemies, but they're children!" Tecoloa shouted. "They are no threat to you!"

"But they will grow up into a threat! Haven't you heard? The princess is the strongest magic-user the Butterflies have ever seen. And the demon boy... Mocel says he is progressing quickly in his magic studies. If allowed on the battlefield, they could kill so many of our people!"

"I won't fight!" Tom said. "Mewni is at peace. We don't have battlefields to kill people on anymore."

Xocochiapal laughed, a wild and slightly grating sound. Tecoloa glared at Tom. "Keep your mouth shut if you don't have anything intelligent to say, fire boy. You are not helping your case."

Tom blinked. "Uh, okay."

"Just because the boy is ignorant doesn't mean he deserves to die. He has plenty of time to educate himself. We have plenty of time to reach out and build new connections, make a new bridge instead of causing more pain, more anguish."

"I've always known you advocated for peace... it's what I always loved about you. I suppose you're right. This boy does not deserve to die." Xocochiapal sighed and looked at her hands. "How low we have fallen, to attack a child like that... Chē-pía." (Stand down.)

Most of the ghosts obeyed her. A few of them gestured with the universal "I'm watching you" gesture at Tom, but they didn't attack.

Xocochiapal offered her hand a few feet from Tom's bubble of flame. "I'm sorry. You still can't meet the Forces of Evil, because they're still away, but I'll allow you safe passage out of the mountains." A pause. "Mewmans do shake hands, right? I'm not making this up?"

Tom let down his fire, paused for a moment to see if the ghosts would attack, and then let his guard down and shook her ghostly hand. It was cool and yielding, as if Tom could pass his hand right through if he wasn't thinking about it. So, a typical ghost hand. "Okay. Uh, thank you for allowing us safe passage out, but –"

It was at that moment that Star and Necahua arrived, comically late. "Guys! I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have stormed ahead, this whole trip was a mistake! Are you oka – hiuh?" Star gasped. "You! You're friends – You're shaking hands!" Star jumped up and down in excitement.

"Yup. We made peace with these ghosts," Tom said, smiling. "And it's good to see you safe, Star."

"Necahua!" Xocochiapal shouted. "My darling! Where have you been? I thought you'd jump at the chance to fight these Mewman xipals!" (Traitors.)

"Not these Mewman xipals. They're okay to let live. Not to come to, ah, the place at the center of these mountains, but I'll allow them to live."

"The place at the center of these mountains?" Star and Marcie asked at the same time.

"Wouldn't you like to know, kiddos?" Necahua grinned.

"So that's what you're protecting!" Star said, grinning. "Hold on, I'm putting it together! Okay, so there's somewhere in the middle of these mountains. Is it cool?"

Tecoloa laughed. "Very cool. Completely unique, very interesting."

Star pumped her fist. "Yes! I was right!"

"Well, not to push you out, though that's exactly what I'm doing, but I think it's time for the Mewmans and Mewman-sympathizers to go," Xocochiapal said, making little shooing motions with her hands. "You've stayed in these mountains for way longer than most get to stay and live, so bye! Goodbye! Bye!"

Star sighed. "Okay. Goodbye! Everyone say goodbye now!"

"Bye! Nice to meet you!" Shinjai waved. She was fascinated by the ghosts now that the danger to her friends was gone, and everyone could tell.

"Goodbye! Pity I didn't learn much this time," Marcie sighed. Everyone else groaned, as they had learned plenty today, thank you very much. Except Shinjai, who nodded along with Marcie.

"Bye! Nice to know you!" Kelly added. She had learned nothing over the course of this adventure and was completely fine with that.

"Bye, I hope I never see you again!" Tom gasped out, floating down to stand on the path. He would see them again. He would, just wait for it. And wait, and wait, and wait. But it's coming, I promise.

The group waved their goodbyes and started back down the mountain trail. "My parents are going to be so mad at me once they figure out what happened here," Star giggled.

"Oh, definitely. But I'll say it was my idea, get a little of the blame off you." Marcie suggested.

"I'll take some blame to. Even if everyone in the group is completely aware that this was not my idea, whatsoever," Tom said.

Kelly shrugged non-committedly.

"I will not be taking any of the blame, thank you," Shinjai said. "You mother would probably kill me if she found out I was in any way involved in this, never mind actually to blame for it."

The group laughed. "Boy, you're probably right," Star admitted. "Mom  _ hates _ monsters. She likes to pretend she's all high and mighty, but she's capable of simple human emotions like the rest of us."

"She should meet my uncle, Omaca," Shinjai said, laughing. "He hates Mewmans! They would balance each other out nicely. Me, I think a few of you aren't bad."

"Is this a good time to tell Shinjai that we were coming to the Mountains of Incurable Anguish to kill the Forces of Evil, not to talk to them, or nah?" Kelly asked.

"You WHAT?"

"Uh, heh heh heh, funny story, that.."

* * *

_ Shinjai's still mad at me. I don't blame her, it was a stupid and dangerous move. Leaving aside the whole morality issue, the ghosts would've wiped the floor with me. Lesson learned: don't go charging into situations without first knowing all the facts. And without taking ghost repellent. I'm pretty sure they sell that at Quest Buy. _

_ I hope Shinjai cools down soon. I hate it when friends are mad at me. _

_ And one more thing: you might've noticed, since it is your cover, but in light of recent events I've changed the title of this diary: it's now “Star and Marcie and the Forces of Evil.” Not "vs". I don't know what my destiny is now, but I know that it's not going to be simple. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up:
> 
> Sleepover!: Star invites Jackie, Janna, Marcie, and Shinjai to have a sleepover.
> 
> Gift of the Card: Miss Heinous sends a bounty hunter after Star and Marcie. And that's it. Right?


End file.
